The top 4 acts advance to Wednesday's semifinals; Ke$ha 'sings' her latest fright fest
Of all the white lies told constantly on The X Factor — Simon using the word “appalling”: Britney Spears announcing she was just “blown away” — has any untruth been so blatant as this absurdity from Khloe Kardashian’s kisser?
“Of course the judges are just as nervous as the acts.”
Dude. No. The judges don’t even look directly at the acts while they’re performing! L.A. Reid doesn’t even know who the other lady judge is! It’s fine. It’s almost over. I’m glad you’re all still here to get through THE HOLIDAYS with me and Demi Lovato’s crocodile tears.
Midway through tonight’s results show the axe came down: CeCe Frey — part leopard, part diva, wholly 1-800-TOO-MUCH — finished last in Wednesday’s top 6 performance show. For her final words, CeCe brilliantly managed to start out sounding inspirational but then finish the sentence — “the more you love who you are, the less you need anyone else to — with a nasty eff-the-haters narcissistic vibe. But you know what, that’s fine. Being loathed by hordes of strangers is no fun, even when you’re a nightmare. She was just letting off some steam through her paws. I’d guess CeCe actually has learned a few lessons about humility in the past few months, even though she still insists on acting like a total beeyotch.
Demi joined her onstage and acted all apologetic: “I didn’t have time to react, otherwise I’d be bawling my eyes out right now.” Huh? Have you ever attended a results show, ma’am? This is how it works. Then thankfully Demi was able to tear up a little — probably because she’d been peer-pressured into wearing leopard spots on her face! — as she told CeCe she was proud of her. (For not dipping her entire head into ink tonight.)
Diamond White and Simon’s girl group Fifth Harmony had to duke it out in the survival sing-off, and it was no contest: The five girls harmonized beautifully on Mariah Carey’s “Any Time You Need a Friend,” while Diamond, friendless, suffered from wavering vocals on “I Hope You Dance.” Every judge except Britney (Diamond’s coach) voted against our little gem, so she’s out tonight. I absolutely loved her post-game attitude, though.
“I’m thinking of Cher Lloyd right now — she came in fifth. I’ll be sure to come back here with one of my hit songs and I’ll perform for you guys!” Diamond promised.
NEXT: The Top 4, ranked by viewer votes! There was one straggler act who should have followed the rules and performed her screeching ode to triangles during last night’s performance show, but instead she showed up tonight to kneel on the ground, spank herself, trace her fingers along the mic stand suggestively, and writhe around with a pack of backup dancing…lions? Wolves? Turns out this was Already Established Music Act Ke$ha.
“How the f— is SHE the famous one?” asked everyone. “C’Mon!”
I was especially excited to see season 1 winner Melanie Amaro return, as Amaro has become one of my favorite Instagram filters! I’m not sure why the show doesn’t bother to make a bigger deal out of her, or promote her stuff, but anyway she sang her new single “Long Distance” flawlessly. I’ve listened to it multiple times and it’s stuck and I LIKE IT. But seeing her onstage just reminds us how absurd a $5 million contract for the winner of a reality show really is. I saw a beaming face and a beautiful voice up there, but no great audience connection, really, and nothing more remarkable than the vocal itself.
Simon shilled for Sony headphones and we all died a little more inside. Truth is I’ve been dead for years.
THIS WEEK’S RANKINGS
1. Tate Stevens
2. Carly Rose Sonenclar
4. Fifth Harmony
Do you think Diamond should’ve stayed in over Fifth Harmony?
Is Britney’s rack getting BIGGER?
Should Ke$ha and CeCe form a terrible Decatur, Illnois-based girl group?
Wednesday’s recap: On the Edge