The coaches start a fight over contestant Cassadee Pope, a former opener for Fallout Boy
Welcome back for another night of Blind Auditions! As the coaches round out their teams, Cee Lo — dressed like the Michelin Man — informs us that he’s had a secret weapon all along: “unpredictability.” Meanwhile, Christina tries to explain the intricacies of what goes into choosing her team. “There are so many different elements that go into why we push our buttons.” She leaves it at that, though. What a woman of mystery!
First up is the Egyptian-born Sylvia Yacoub. “We don’t get as many opportunities just because we’re women,” she says of her home country. Her mother got her into singing, but was unable to become a singer herself because she never managed to get out of Egypt. Sylvia, on the other hand, had a father who insisted on bringing her to the States to follow/fulfill/pursue her dreams. (I estimate she says “dreams” eight times over the course of a minute and a half.) But, should this not work out, she’s got a backup plan: Law School.
Sylvia belts out Rihanna’s “Only Girl in the World.” It’s good, but not great. Christina’s hand hovers over the button throughout — she’s such a tease, that one. XTina finally pushes the big red button and Blake and Cee Lo quickly follow suit because heaven forbid they lose sight of her cleavage. Sylvia closes out her audition with a fist pump. Where’d she move, the Jersey Shore? (I live in Jersey, so I feel that this is fair to say.)
“That was so much fun. You got sassy at the end,” Christina proclaims, but I don’t hear the rest because I’m too busy staring at that black fan she’s sporting. I tune in again just in time to hear her make this excellent statement: “Musically, you and I probably have a lot in common. You’re a singer and I’m a singer.” STOP THE PRESSES! Blake offers up a simple analysis of her name. “That’s a country enough name.” Yes, nothing says Middle America like Yakoub. Cee Lo tries to speak and fails, so Adam does the gallant thing and screams “Stop it!” to the crowd. A hush descends as we wait for Cee Lo to speak. “I… felt like you were the only girl in the world.” Oh, I see what you did there, Cee Lo.
Sylvia’s flustered by all the attention. “I’m going to have to go with my heart here and I’m going to have to go with my girl Christina.” Because they’re both singers, you guys! “That’s good,” Christina says oddly threateningly. Meanwhile, Adam’s embarrassed he shushed the crowd for Cee Lo’s pitiful offering. “I’m not as eloquent always,” Cee Lo defends himself. “That was a genuine disappointment that she didn’t pick me.” I’d believe him if he didn’t have the emotion of the Terminator. No, scratch that. The Terminator has more emotion.
NEXT: A boy leaves his father behind for a chance at stardom
Next up is IJ Quinn, resident of Warsaw, North Carolina and pig farmer extraordinaire. “It’s a huge operation,” he says of the farm. So what’s his secret shame? “I kind of sound like a girl.” And he really does. But I think he’s hoping his falsetto will attract Adam. “Waiting back for me in North Carolina is a pig farm and I want more than that,” IJ confesses. He chooses to sing “Virtual Insanity” and Adam immediately starts mouthing the words along with him, prompting IJ’s father to comment, “Right up your alley.” Alas, it is not to be. Adam’s a fan of the song, not the singer. IJ finishes up without seeing a single a chair make that fateful swivel.
Adam tries to kick off the commentary, but can’t find the words. “Say it,” Blake urges, channeling RPattz in the first Twilight movie. “I was born with a high voice, I feel you… however I feel like you were straining,” Adam says. Christina tries to salvage the situation by making IJ feel like a baby panda being ogled at the zoo. “AWWWWW, cute,” she declares, clearly ready to move on. IJ departs, lamenting the fact that he’ll never hit puberty. “I get the same feedback from everybody.” Onstage, Blake is offended because IJ dared to bond with him over pig farming. Christina, however, can’t stop laughing.
A smog technician named Charlie Rey is our third contestant. Now there’s a name made for stardom. How many albums do you think he would sell simply because people mistook him for Carly Rae? (Actually, probably not that many, since our girl Carly’s not doing too well in the first place.) Anyways, Charlie’s worried for his dad, who’s been breathing in carbon monoxide at the shop. He wants to take over so that his dad can get some much needed relief… And then Carson shows up with Charlie’s ticket to the Blind Auditions and it’s bye Dad. “I don’t want to keep breathing in that carbon monoxide. It’s taking years off my life and destroying my voice.” Boy, he sure changed his tune. Ah! The Voice pun. I’ll hold for laughter.
So, Charlie takes the stage to sing “Home.” Though Blake himself does a lovely rendition of this song, Charlie chooses to do the Michael Bublé version. Blake’s still the first to turn around, as he should be. Adam’s next, which causes Blake to swear viciously. (At least I hope it was viciously. It was blurred out, after all.) Adam shoots him a charming wave. In related news, my heart melts a little bit. Charlie finishes up and Blake tells him that he sounded just like Bublé except “you just have that cool, confident factor.” Poor Bublé! Adam says he “heard a refined quality” in Charlie’s voice. “I think that it’s obvious that I’m a better coach than Blake.” OMG, FIGHT! But Blake’s a lover and he holds out his hands to Charlie. “Blake is holding his arms out, so I got to go Blake,” Charlie informs Adam. Sorry, Adam. Try to be more touchy-feely next time, mmm kay? “From the smog shop to The Voice. I got to go give my dad the biggest hug ever,” Charlie declares happily. But what about Dad???
Amanda Brown starts her audition off with a confession. “I spent most of my time in church.” And yet, she’s got a streak of badass in her: “When I heard Radiohead for the first time, I was just like, ‘What is this? This is good.’” Amanda’s already had quite the career as a backup singer — she even performed with Adele! She sashays onto stage to sing “Valerie.” The coaches can’t get into it right away, though. Finally, Cee Lo — bobbing his head like a doggy on a dashboard — slaps his button and snaps Amanda up. She gets the approval of the bird too.
NEXT: Who got all four coaches to turn their chairs?
The penultimate contestant is a 55-year-old woman who drives a school bus. Her name’s Yolanda Barber and I immediately root for her and her spiky hair. “Those young kids, they better watch out.” You tell them, Yolanda! With her son watching, she gets up to perform “Get Here.” Yolanda’s got a powerhouse voice that’s destined for more than cruise ships and yet… No one turns around! Christina toys with the button (probably because she knows that affords the best shot of her boobs), but never presses it. Adam says they’re all stupid not to pick her, while Christina announces that it’s just too late in the game for a voice like Yolanda’s. The 55-year-old is gracious, however, and she earns a hug from Adam. Guess he took his cue from Blake. “It just breaks my heart that she’s driving a bus,” he tells the camera. (Us!)
The final contestant is one Cassadee Pope. Cassadee used to tour in band that opened for Fallout Boy, so she’s one of the most experienced people we’ve seen. “I’m ready to make it on my own,” she says. Ahead of the audition, Carson comes by with a special surprise: he’s got a message for her from Fallout Boy’s Pete Wentz himself! I’m not sure I’d want words of wisdom from Fallout Boy, but that’s just me.
Cassadee assures us that she’s had it rough in spite of having toured the world. “I am basically living off of what little profit we made as a band.” So I guess you chose those thick blonde streaks over food, huh? She performs Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” and everyone presses their buttons almost immediately save for Cee Lo, who waits a few more seconds before lightly tapping the big red knob. Cassadee is overwhelmed and her voice breaks as she starts to cry. Adam gets up and applauds. So does Christina. “That was amazing,” he says. “You can kind of do it all,” Christina adds. Fun fact: This is the point in the audition where I realize that I own the Urban Outfitters dress Cassadee is sporting. I do not look that good in it.
Moving on, there’s a fight between the coaches over who picked Cassadee first. Adam makes his case and he sounds surprisingly earnest. “I know exactly what we could do, it’d be amazing.” Blake, meanwhile, chooses to flatter Cassadee. “I believe with 200% of my heart that you, Cassadee, are a superstar.” (Ask me how many times I have typed Cassidy instead of Cassadee.) “I’m going to have to go with my gut instinct and choose Blake,” Cassadee announces. “Sugar We’re Going Down” plays as Blake and his newest team member exchange a tearful hug. Foreshadowing, perhaps? “She got all four of us to turn our chairs,” Blake says. “That just doesn’t happen very often.” He’s thrilled to be her choice and he shows it, cackling and pointing at each of the other coaches. No one likes a sore winner, Blake. Up next: more blind auditions! Stay tuned for our next recap.