So THAT is who the fiancé is...

Credit: Tina Rowden/The CW

We asked for answers; we got answers. Not only did this week’s TVD episode reveal who Caroline’s future fiancé is, but it also answered who the twins were, who was living inside of Jo’s body, and what Lily wears to bed. Of course, we didn’t get all the answers — why Julian is such an a-hole is still left unanswered — and a few more mysteries cropped up to keep us intrigued.

Let’s start with that shocking revelation: Alaric is Caroline’s fiancé. Yes. Three years in the future, Damon is talking with Ric about kitchen towels and glitter when Caroline, RIC’S FIANCÉE, comes on the TV with blood dripping down her forehead and says, “I have an urgent message for Stefan Salvatore.” What are the chances that Stefan watches local Dallas news? I’m guessing not high, but we’ll have to find out that answer in a future episode.

Because now, in the present, Stefan is dreaming about taking a kid named Jacob hunting and losing him. This seems very much like a flashback, and it could be a memory, but Stefan losing a son he never had feels way too much like a metaphoric dream. We don’t get to see the end of the dream/memory, though, because Caroline wakes him up. She wants to know why he’s sleeping on the couch, but Valerie in a towel soon solves that mystery.

Caroline doesn’t even know about the child Stefan and Valerie created, but she’s ready for this here-bitch to be gone. She offers to drive Stefan’s first lover to the airport, but Valerie says she has to get rid of Julian before she can go anywhere. See, turns out being locked in the Phoenix Stone turns people mad, and Julian has been in there for more than 100 years. She doesn’t want to stick around and see how he retaliates to her setting him on fire.

He’s not mad at the moment; he’s just fighting with Beau in the house. Lily tells them to stop it because they have to get the Boarding House ready for a peace party. She’s inviting the whole town, which means Stefan, Damon, Bonnie, Matt, and Enzo. But that wouldn’t be a real peace party, so Lily compels a few locals from nearby towns to liven up the shindig. Damon doesn’t want to go. He wants Lily to enjoy her life with Julian — for exactly six months, when maximum happiness has set in, so then he can kill Julian and really hurt his mother. Lily’s other loving son wants to kill her boyfriend tonight. What a family.

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Damon decides to attend the party simply to stop his brother from killing Julian so that he can kill him himself six months later. (This is getting complicated.) Also, he missed his stash of bourbon. Damon prods Stefan repeatedly throughout the party to explain why he needs Julian dead so quickly, but he never gives the full answer… He keeps saying it’s not his secret to tell. Stefan doesn’t want to deal with battling his brother, so he enlists the help of the one and only Matt Donovan.

Matt takes out Damon with his own bourbon: He vervains it and then vervains him even more with a syringe to the neck. With Damon out of the way, Stefan goes to the kitchen to stab Julian and throw him in the fire. But when Lily comes in and saves him, Stefan loses his nerve. Damon comes to just in time to get the fallout from the attempted murder on Julian: The crazy vamp says how in the Phoenix Stone he dreamed every day that he killed Lily. And then he attacks her sons in real life because they don’t respect her… or something like that. She tries to stop him, but he almost ends up staking her in the process.

Back at the Lockwood mansion, where Damon and Stefan are licking their wounds (get it? a dog joke!), Stefan finally tells Damon why he’s so eager for Julian to die posthaste: He killed his unborn son. Like any good brother would, Damon agrees to help Stefan kill Julian now, and abandon the six-months-from-now plan.

NEXT: Body snatching twins

Some even more freaky family stuff is happening at Ric’s house. The person inside Jo’s body remembers her name is Florence. She’s learned how to use WebMD, so she knows she has amnesia, but luckily for her, when she starts bleeding from the nose and dying, she doesn’t have the energy to check the website anymore. (WebMD is a truly scary place. You go to look up how to relieve a cough naturally and end up thinking you have lung cancer…or maybe that’s just me?)

Valerie is with Caroline, and she quickly identifies the problem: The vampire soul from the Phoenix Stone is not merging with Jo’s human body. The never-tactful Valerie says so callously that Jo is dying that Caroline pulls her away and yells at her. She informs her that Ric lost Jo and their unborn twins when Kai killed them on their wedding day. Obviously, this hits Valerie harder than Caroline knows.

As Florence/Jo is dying, she spends her last moments allowing Ric to say goodbye. He says how nice it was to hear his wife’s voice again. And she says, “I’m sorry I’m not her. I wish I was. She was a lucky woman.” And she dies. I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying.

It’s a beautifully tragic moment, so obviously Valerie uses this time to watch Ric’s wedding video, post-explosion. Caroline thinks she’s just being a dick, but Valerie tells them she needed it to prove her theory: That Geminis have a way of saving the next generation. In Jo’s death, the twins were actually protected and placed in someone else. There’s a lot of witch mumbo-jumbo here that I don’t fully understand, but basically with a drop of Ric’s blood and a map, Valerie can tell where the twins are now. Wherever the blood ignites on the map is where the twins are…

The blood travels all over the world, starting in Indonesia, across Africa, across the Southern U.S. (the general area of Mystic Falls), across America, all the way across the map, onto the floor, where Caroline tries to clean it up and it ignites. Caroline says the spell didn’t work, but Valerie says what we’re all thinking, “They’re inside of you.” CREEPY, but I’m kind of into it.

Diary Notes:

  • Bonnie and Enzo fake date and “fake” flirt at the party to make Lily jealous — I think we just saw where their future romance started. And a standing ovation for Bonnie getting a love interest, amirite?
  • Nora teaches Julian how to play Candy Crush, a truly useful skill in 2015.
  • Julian asks Beau to find something of his from Oscar’s car. Enzo overhears it, but we don’t know what it is yet.
  • Valerie lets slip that Stefan didn’t tell Caroline a big secret, which means it’s only a matter of time until she finds out about the baby…and likely very soon because Caroline doesn’t like to let secrets lie.
  • Julian helps Mary Louise get her mojo back. Who knew feeding from the help could be so invigorating?
  • One of the “guests” leaving the party asks Bonnie three times where the high school is, so she and Matt follow him. They find a room full of people hooked to IVs. I find this curious but, seven seasons into this crazy show, not that shocking.

Make sure to read more Julie’s Diary, detailed notes from the showrunner exclusively on EW, for tonight’s episode. And let’s discuss it more below in the comments or on Twitter @realdalener. I want to hear your craziest theories about the hospital, the twins, and Julian’s secret. Until next week…

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