Everybody's just hanging out this week
Credit: E!
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After last week's terrific TKO of an episode, we're just going to have to chalk this one up to a rebuilding week on The Royals. Mostly, people were just hanging out: Helena with Jack Parker, Eleanor with Prince Sebastian, Cyrus with a fox, Jasper with the world's worst journalist, Liam with his angst… you get the point. The action was a little thin.

But here we go with some superlatives to tide us over for the next two weeks (no new episode during the Super Bowl next week — sorry, non-football peeps) before we power into the final two episodes of the season.

Most Surprising Twist

Oh, hey, Robert's the worst! TWIST! After Robert had a heart to heart with Kathryn where he convincingly said everything she could possibly want to hear (Robert raise a family out of the spotlight? I'm not so sure), he and Liam talked, and Robert almost convinced me that he meant what he said there, too (that was sarcasm). He apologized for not recognizing Liam's growth in his absence and what he's had to give up since his return. Robert even suggested they offer Helena the option to put Liam's name — not Robert's — to the privy council for the crown. Whatever she says, he'll support it.

Of course Helena said no. And then she was rightly ticked at Robert for making her the bad guy, which he then admitted was the plan all along. Why? Because he's the WORST. We've been over this.

Best Shirtless Moment

There was a naked tiger run… and these two looked incredible.

The Royals 01/29/17 (screen grab) CR: E!
Credit: E!

Cyrus' Most Ridiculous Moment

I can't with Cyrus and this shaman orthopedic shoe salesman storyline. Can we just pretend it never happened? (Okay, I guess we shouldn't pretend Cyrus' claim that he'll kill himself if he loses the crown should be forgotten, but it sure took a lot of silliness to get there.)

Outfit of the Week

I also don't want to pretend this ostrich feather jacket didn't happen. That thing's a classic.

The Royals 01/29/17 (screen grab) CR: E!
Credit: E!

NEXT: What else does Jasper need to know?

Biggest HUH?!

I don't want to get too mean here — clearly, this episode was a bit of a disappointment to me — but I am sure they could've found a better actress to play this feckless journalist. And I appreciate Jasper's efforts to get her to bury the story of Eleanor and him in exchange for the real story about Robert's plane crash, but I don't trust her not to just run them both, and he shouldn't either. Still, those scenes weren't all a waste: Boone told Jasper there's "something else you need to know," and now I really need to know what that is. Of course, we're going to have to wait.

And Another Thing

I'm really excited about Rosie. And I think she's really excited about her new job as Eleanor's bodyguard. But the girl we met at the pub, and again at the gala last week, would not be crying to her boss about Eleanor ditching her. She'd be using her skills to find the princess and then rip her a new one for giving her the slip.

Musical Cues of the Week

  • "Léon's Lullaby" by LÉON, as Eleanor wakes up and sees that Jasper hasn't texted her back
  • "Moon at Dawn" by Blind Pilot, as Helena and Jack Parker arrive at his construction site
  • "Shovels & Dirt" by The Strumbellas, as Helena burns Spencer's letter of resignation
  • "Like a Funeral" by Erik Jonasson, as Cyrus approaches Wescott and Willow confronts Liam about Kathryn

Crown Jewel Quips of the Episode

  • "I just thought that heels are completely impractical and the only flats I have are brown, so just in case I'm on my feet all day, I should probably wear something more practical. But now that I'm wearing them, I kind of feel like I coach a women's basketball team. Not that there's anything wrong with that." —Rosie, rambling on her first day and highlighting a real issue for a female bodyguard
  • "Now then, I'm going to go return the shirt to Liam and make him try it on like Cinderella!" — Angie, being Angie, which is kind of growing on me
  • "Sometimes I wish I could just go back and wipe my past." — Jasper
  • "I guess at a certain point, you have to ask yourself if your worlds are better off apart." — Eleanor, clearly beginning to heal from her breakup with Jasper
  • "You want to be like me? I can't blame you. I mean, look at me. I'm amazing." — Robert, to Liam, pretending to be joking
  • "It bit me like it was some kind of wild animal." — Cyrus, after battling a small fox
  • "We're hardly sympathetic characters in this production." — Boone getting all meta with Jasper
  • "Tomorrow's a new day in better shoes." — Eleanor to Rosie
  • "You give some s—t advice sometimes, you know that?" — Liam to Jasper

Episode Recaps

The Royals
2015 TV Series
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