Let's all play the waiting game!
SCREENSHOT: Elizabeth Hurley on 'The Royals'
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This week, The Royals was all about the waiting game. Waiting for the DNA test results to come back, waiting for Eleanor and Jasper to finally get it together, and waiting for Robert to make his return to London. And all those things finally happened near the end of tonight’s episode.

Turns out, Liam and Eleanor really are King Simon’s offspring, which means Cyrus is about to be dethroned and Liam will take his place — or so they all think. With Robert finally showing up, Liam will likely have to go back to being “Sparrow,” which is kind of a bummer for all interested parties. And speaking of interested parties, Willow seems to have caught feelings for the prince, even though she’d previously seemed content to live in the friend zone. Given her disappointment over Liam having a new lady, it looks like Willow, too, is about to play the waiting game.

But while we all wait for the next new episode coming Jan. 1, here are this week’s superlatives.

Most Surprising Twist
It’s not every day we get flashbacks, and this week we got several — showing the moment Robert and Liam first met Kathryn and how Robert pulled an “I’m gonna be king” robbery on Liam’s game, only to pull an “I’m gonna be king so it’s fine that I don’t take her seriously” move a few months later. He clearly did care about her, though, seeing as she was the vision that convinced him to come home after being lost for eight months. OK, so it’s not that much of a twist, but we all know the big twist — of the knife in Robert’s back, now that Liam is hooking up with Kathryn — is coming.

Biggest HUH?!
If someone rescued the prince of England, it would be national news. I know Robert scratched his name from his helmet, but surely one of his rescuers would’ve recognized him. And someone had to recognize him for him to get into the palace. My point is: It’s pretty ridiculous (even for The Royals) Eleanor and Helena hadn’t yet gotten word he was alive, rescued, and on his way home. Still, OMG, Robert’s home!

Jasper’s Dreamiest Moment
After Eleanor and Jasper’s letter-writing plan goes awry — they both convince James Hill to write the letters for them, a job certainly befitting the head of security for the royal family, right? — Eleanor’s not sure they really “get” each other. But then she overhears this precious exchange between Jasper and Hill’s young daughter, Sarah Alice, who doesn’t believe Eleanor is really a princess. Princesses, she says, are “supposed to dance and sing and look pretty for the ball.”

Jasper: “Well I’ve seen her dance and sing, and she always looks pretty.”
Sarah Alice: “They also ride in carriages and brush their hair and wait to be rescued. She doesn’t even wear a tiara or a brush. However is she going to find a prince?”
Jasper: “You know those are just fairy tales? When I think of a real princess, I always think of Eleanor, because a real princess doesn’t need fancy dresses or jewels, and she definitely doesn’t need to be rescued. And that’s what Eleanor is — she’s a real princess. Because she does what she wants and she’s always true to herself despite what anybody else thinks, and that’s why people love her.”

Shirtless Moment of the Week
Jasper’s honest words work their magic on Eleanor and they finally consummate their reunion. But, in the middle of the night, Jasper sneaks out of bed…in nothing but his tight underwear…to write a letter to hide in the hollowed-out book.

SCREENSHOT: Jasper shirtless on 'The Royals'
Credit: E!

Mr. Hill’s Winningest Move
Yeah, Mr. Hill kinda failed this week, both in agreeing to write Jasper and Eleanor’s letters for them and for continuing to allow Sarah Alice to roam the palace all day.

Most Royally Badass Moment of the Week
Inspired by the time he spent with several veterans, Liam decides he needs to do something. And, because he’s the prince/soon-to-be-king, he can. With a metaphorical snap of his fingers, he has Willow set up a charity to help wounded vets put their lives back together. #KingLiam FTW.

Best Bonding Moment
So many good ones this episode, but, of course, I must go with that fantastic scene between Helena and Eleanor at the end of the hour. The moment, the hug, the forgiveness all show growth by both characters and it warmed my cold, cold heart…until, of course, that big surprise appearance by Robert at the tail end of it.

Cyrus’ Most Conniving Pathetic Moment
Last week, Cyrus chased someone around the palace whom he thought was his MIA love, Violet. This week, he found the lookalike and paid her to pretend to be Violet to see if he could get things to work downstairs, despite his cancer. The mission failed.

Outfit of the Week
To pass the time while everyone awaits the results of the DNA test, Spencer convinces Helena to stay in bed and gets her hooked on a reality show called Royal & Beautiful about a spoiled prince of Liechtenstein. Helena can’t pull herself away and we can’t get over some of his wardrobe, like this photographic blazer and excessive accessories.

SCREENSHOT: Outfit of the Week on The Royals
Credit: E!

Crown Jewel Quips of the Episode

  • “It says ‘cunning-lupagus.’ He’s one of Snuffleupagus’ friends… He doesn’t come out that often. Trust me, he is a fan favorite.” —Eleanor, interrupting Sarah Alice trying to read one of the princess’ rejected love letters to Jasper
  • “I thank you for your loyal services to the crown, and I knight thee Dame Cinnamon of Southeast Something or Whatever.” —Cyrus, knighting a prostitute
  • “Actually, your majesty, I changed my name to Saffron. It is the most expensive spice.” —The prostitute’s response to being knighted
  • “Next time I knock on your door, open it. Don’t feel guilty.” —Liam to Kathryn, just before he leaves her apartment and knocks moments later
  • “You’re not spoiled if you’re royaled.” —The prince of Liechtenstein
  • “What’s the point of being a brother if you can’t hook your sister up with your bodyguard?” —Liam to Eleanor
  • “I was going to ask if you were ready to be king, because there’s no going back. But I can see without a doubt that you are.” —Helena to Liam

Best Musical Cues of the Week

  • “I Wish I Was Sober” by Frightened Rabbit, as Liam wakes up beside Kathryn
  • “Crash and Burn” by Angus & Julia Stone, as Jasper writes his love letter to Eleanor (and all the scenes that follow until the episode’s end)

Episode Recaps

The Royals
2015 TV Series
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