Real Housewives of Orange County recap: 'Armenian Rhapsody'

How long can Bravo draw out the Vicki-Tamra conflict this season? Well, we’re 14 episodes in, and they’re still going at it — their reconciliation meeting falls apart faster than you can recite every housewife tagline. Here’s how it went down on this week’s episode:

Vicki is…ready to make amends. She and Tamra finally meet up at a café, where Vicki is expecting a warm reception from Tamra. Vicki is hoping to put aside their conflict and become friends again, but she doesn’t seem willing to own up to anything. She asks Tamra to be kind to her, to stop assassinating her character, to stop bullying her, and to stop and pitting other housewives against her. But she doesn’t really apologize for anything — not for spreading rumors about Tamra’s husband, not for spreading rumors about Shannon’s husband, nothing.

Tamra is…having none of it. She shows up ready for battle, puts her sunglasses away, and asks Vicki what they’re doing here. As Vicki gets more animated and flustered, Tamra keeps her cool for the most part and starts rebutting all of Vicki’s criticisms. Vicki thinks she’s pitting housewives against her and ganging up on her? Name one example. And while she’s at it, what about those gay rumors about Eddie? Vicki pretends she wasn’t party to the rumors, but then mentions some theories she has about why a closeted man might marry Tamra, and it becomes clear that Vicki has put a lot of thought into the rumors she supposedly has had nothing to do with. That’s the last straw for Tamra — she tells Vicki she doesn’t deserve her friendship, then promptly walks out.

Kelly is…in the mood for some personal reflection. Her father is visiting from Arizona, and watching him interact with her mom, to whom he’s no longer married, is making Kelly think about how her parents influenced her search for a partner and whether her own marriage is just repeating her parents’. She remembers how, as a kid, she wished her parents would divorce so they could be happy — and she starts to wonder if it’d be better for her own daughter if she and her husband split. (Spoiler alert: She goes for it!)

Lydia is…going shopping. Her Canadian media-mogul grandfather recently passed away (and by recently she means like three years ago?), and as a result, her parents have inherited some money that Lydia and her mom decide to spend on jewelry. I would watch a Bravo spin-off of just Lydia and her mom hanging out — in fact, I’d watch pretty much any spin-off from a RHOC cast member so long as they didn’t interact with any other cast members. Everyone is so much happier — and more fun to watch — when they’re not hanging out with each other.

Peggy is…having an anniversary. The Sulahians have been together for 22 years, and they’re throwing a big Armenian party to celebrate. After having a private dinner for just the two of them — where they get emotional talking about Shannon’s husband’s inquiries into whether or not Peggy had cancer — they invite all their closest friends to a dinner party with hookah machines and belly dancers and all-you-can-eat baklava. While Vicki and Tamra are awkwardly trying to avoid each other, Diko distracts everyone by giving Peggy some totally casual anniversary presents: Try matching gold Audemars Piguet watches (valued at $80,000 each) and a diamond necklace worth $150,000.

Meghan is…kinda jealous of Peggy’s jewelry. Seriously — she’s only on camera for a few minutes at Peggy’s party, but that’s long enough for her to complain that Diko’s showering of gifts was a little ostentatious. Is she right? Probably. Would it be less ostentatious if her husband publicly showered her with gifts at big parties? You betcha.

Shannon is…getting jiggy with the belly dancer. That is, until Diko pulls her aside to chat about David’s quasi-interrogation of Diko about Peggy’s health. It’s a little hard to follow where he’s going with his talk — it almost feels like the producers put him up to it to start some drama, not because he genuinely wanted to clear the air — but basically, he wants to let Shannon know that (a) it happened and (b) Peggy was a little hurt when she heard about David’s questions. Shannon, of course, didn’t know any of this happened and freaks out, first accusing the Sulahians of trying to cause drama, then wondering if David’s omission of the incident is another crack in their marriage. By the time she gets in the car to go home, she’s in tears.