Meghan and Shannon are not ready to forget Cancer-gate, but we're VERY ready for them to move on
Credit: Bravo

One thing has become clear as we get into episode 4 of the eleventh season — we need more/different drama to emerge because this apology tour of Vicki’s is losing its luster. She’s good at playing the victim because truth is, we’ll never really know how much of this victim role in relation to Brooks and his “cancer” was (is) an act. Brooks is like the ultimate grifter who rolled into town, got his 15 minutes and once Tamra, Shannon, and Heather caught on to his scheme, he rolled right on out of there. I personally think that after Vicki divorced Don, her self-esteem plummeted and Brooks preyed on that. For such a smart and confident woman in business, Vicki is weak, vulnerable, and unsure in love. She wants it too badly and is willing to believe whatever a suitor says because it’s almost like the attention and affection is her addiction. And thus that’s why I think she’s so overly apologetic to the ladies now that Brooks is long gone.

I don’t think Vicki knew that Brooks had cancer. I do think she liked the “you and me against the world” bubble it put the two of them in amid the controversy. I do think Vicki knows she was duped right along with everyone else but rather than admit she was a pawn in Brooks’ scheme (rather than an innocent bystander like she’s insisting on), Vicki’s more comfortable playing the victim. And I think the ladies are dubious over her apology because Vicki is sad over Brooks’ actions and their subsequent break-up rather than mad as hell like they are. Of course she’s sad — love in any form, healthy or not, is the fuel that keeps Vicki going and now it’s depleted. Remember how obsessed she was with getting her love tank filled by Don? It’s a fix she needs in order to raise her self-esteem. And nope, I’m not a therapist; it sucks watching the real victim — her self-esteem — suffer!

But, I say all this because we pick back up tonight minutes after Tamra and Vicki made amends last week (though Vicki can thank Jesus for taking the wheel on that one) and now Vicki has her sights set on Shannon, who can barely hug Vicki let alone accept any apology from her. And I give Vicki credit — she looked into Shannon’s stone cold eyes and says, “You were right. I was wrong. I’m sorry.” And Shannon still can’t crack. In fact, I think I saw a flicker of flames in her eyes à la Drew Barrymore in Firestarter. Apparently, Shannon is really the most upset over Vicki calling her “disgusting and vile” last year while Cancer-gate was in full swing. And Vicki, who’s gotten really good at deflecting, can’t believe that Shannon is still so stuck in the past. So finally a compromise is made: Shannon will accept Vicki’s apology but will not promise they’ll ever have their friendship back. I’ve always been fascinated by women who can forgive their husband for cheating but will drop a friend like a hot potato because their feelings were hurt. Just saying…

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But let’s get to the good stuff. All this has gone down inside Kelly’s incredible beach house. Everyone is currently drinking up at the bar in Kelly’s closet while cheering on Meghan as she gives herself an IVF shot. Vicki comes in crying to say goodbye and reiterate that she just wants to be everyone’s friend again. Maybe she’s better off without them? This isn’t exactly the “whooping it up” Vicki remembers — nothing like a rager with hormones and booze in the closet (that’s bigger than my apartment but whatever). Kelly suddenly transforms into a kindergarten teacher and turns to the group to make sure they understand the word of the day: “friendship.” Kelly asks: “Isn’t that nice, she wants to be friends again?” Regina George Meghan, ever the overachiever, is quick to remind the teacher that no, it’s not, because they were never friends. You can’t really blame Vicki for leaving in tears.

NEXT: Briana’s health is in serious danger

Truth is, Vicki has much bigger, way more serious problems than whether or not Shannon and Meghan are going to ever let her back into their clique. Briana is still very sick and gasping for air — it’s so bad that on the way to the hospital, Vicki has to call 911 and have an ambulance pick Briana up at a gas station. This is a reality you hope you never ever have to see happen on well, reality TV. It’s an absolutely terrifying scene. But in the midst of the chaos, Sarah — baby mama to Tamra’s granddaughter — was at the same gas station at the exact same time. Tamra was actually on her way to visit Briana and Vicki and then all this happened, and Sarah just happened to be there. I don’t think the OC is that big so it’s not like they were in a different country and Sarah just randomly showed up but yes, Tamra, Jesus definitely brought Sarah there.

Tamra and Sarah end up back at Vicki’s house to watch her grandkids while Vicki goes to the hospital. They have a heartbreaking talk about the demise of Sarah’s relationship with Ryan, and I feel for Tamra. Yes, she should listen to Eddie and stay out of it, but she already hasn’t seen her daughter in years; it would be awful for Tamra to have her granddaughter taken away, too.

And then we turn to a little get together with Kelly and Meghan where a cardinal rule of Real Housewives is about to be adhered to: If your point of entry on the show is via a friend, you can pretty much kiss that friendship goodbye (i.e. Peggy and Alexis). Meghan really doesn’t want Kelly to befriend Vicki and really thinks Kelly’s been overstepping her bounds by doing so. Vicki apparently called Kelly all upset about Briana and that was too much for Meghan to digest because Kelly and Vicki have only known each other for two weeks. I really have to give Kelly credit though because she’s really owning her truth in the short time we’ve known her. She’s clearly stuck in a marriage that’s not ideal, which makes her relate to Vicki (and her Brooks breakup). No, she was not in the mix last season when all this went down, but it’s called compassion — something Meghan really is struggling with — and a real foundation for the friendship Kelly is trying to build with Vicki. This is an issue that Kelly and Meghan are not going to resolve, especially when Meghan hears the shade Kelly throws her way in the confessional, calling Meghan out for being a “millennial” who isn’t right just because she “thinks she’s right” … boom!

Which takes us to the grand finale: Tamra and Shannon have lunch at the exact same restaurant where Shannon and Vicki had drinks during Meghan’s charity event that Shannon was excluded from last season. It’s very meta because Shannon is about to throw a ‘70s party (half disco/half peace, love and rock & roll in case you were wondering) and wants to invite Vicki — but in a way so Vicki won’t come — because she really doesn’t want Vicki there. The email to Vicki begins, “Although I have made it clear that I am not interested in pursuing the friendship we once had…” and then goes on to invite her to the party only because Vicki stood up for her when Meghan didn’t invite her and didn’t want her feelings to be hurt like that… but it’s okay for them to be hurt with the nasty, passive aggressive tone the note opens with? Tamra dubs it the “go f— yourself” email and summons Jesus to help soften it a tad. Shannon claims she can forgive but not forget, which means we are never moving on from Cancer-gate, and I think we all are ready for some fresh slights and fights!

Because Tamra makes her, Shannon finally rewrites the opening line to say, “Although we clearly do not have the friendship we once had, I want to reach out and extend an invitation to a party I am hosting…” Let’s translate: “Although I will not let you ever forget about the bad decision you made dating Brooks for as long as you did, I’ll throw you this bone so the next fight we have, I can always hang on to the fact that I did the right thing in the midst of hating your guts…”

Maybe Shannon should look up the definition of the word mean?

Episode Recaps

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Bravo turns its cameras on California's ladies who lunch (and shop, and tan, and get plastic surgery, and bicker…)

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