Real Housewives of Orange County recap: Fire Signs
Meghan’s conquest to determine whether Brooks has cancer intensifies.
Heather Dubrow meets Meghan Edmonds at some bar for some “chard.” I pray that nickname never catches. We learn Hayley Edmonds threw a 200-person rager at her mom’s place while Meggers and Jim Edmonds were gone, trashing the homestead. Her punishment? Grounding and no summer music festival. Which is light, according to Heather. Her kids would lose their lives, essentially. Though in a mansion that large, they could throw a bash and you may never even know, Dubrow.
Tamra Judge’s mother is newly single, meaning Tamra’s going to fix her mother up. Run, Tamra’s mother. TamTam brought her makeup artist to “make mom look sexy.” In comes mom, Sandy, for her festooning. Suddenly finding a sense of moral decency, Tamra and her high horse question Sandy’s attire, throwing out the term “hoochie.” “My mom needs to dress her age. You don’t wear low-cut zebra print at 60,” she tells us. Tamra, at least she’s wearing clothes. We’ve had to suffer through your fishnet catsuits, nipple pasties, and no shirts at all. You may call yourself a hoochie, but not the woman who raised you and tried to instill a decent set of values in you.
Never one to miss an opportunity to issue a ridiculous drink order, Shannon Beador joins Meghan and Heather. This latest libation MUST involve every lime grown in the past four years, no less. Meggers and her heinous headband-du-jour are “so happy that Shannon let whatever issues she had with me go.” Bad syntax aside, it’s true, and it’s nice to see their beef has been quashed. Shannon’s having a party to celebrate “the year of the Ram,” which is an Aries astrological thingy or something but whatever! Let’s party!
Now the guest list is dissected to determine if Brooks is going (it’s unclear), but what a nice segue for Meghan to announce she’s been calling Brooks’ doctor, posing as a cancer patient to see if Brooks’ doctor really DOES treat cancer patients. Shannon and people who are sane find this to be crazy. However, Meghan’s committed full stop since “people I love have cancer, and if you fake that, I’m going to get to the bottom of it — legally.” Jim Edmonds should take her to the local police station where they can give her a little plastic badge that says “Honorary Detective” and a lollipop.
Meghan’s shenanigans result in the doctor’s office allegedly saying the doc “doesn’t do cancer at all,” which shocks Ole Lemon Bowl Beador. Heather is non-plussed and continues to eat her flank steak. (Red meat is important; gotta get the iron up so more leeches can suck your blood out so you may slather it all over your face.) The women continue to debate which doctor Brooks should be seeing and whether this is any of their business. Heather says it’s not, though they all quickly decide, “it’s been made our business.”
Tamra, penniless son Ryan, and her mother, Sandy, all go out on Sandy’s first date. I’ll give you a second to take that in. A nice older gentleman arrives. I doubt he knew his blind date would also involve a brash, immature housewife, a lazy grandson wearing a knit hat indoors, and a Bravo camera crew. Sandy and her date move a few feet away while Tamra stares, deciding that this perfectly nice man would “have a heart attack were he to go on a jog.” Talk between Tamra and Ryan turns to finances, and she outlines that Eddie was upset about the gift of eight thousands bucks. She adds Eddie would feel better if it were a loan. Here’s where a normal, thankful child would say, “Of course it’s a loan, Mom. I’ll work extra hard to pay you back as fast as possible.” Ryan’s actual response: “So?” Ryan, you turd.
The women get ready for Shannon’s party. To my sheer delight, Brooks IS going. Shannon talks about the whole cancer/no cancer sitch with her makeup artist, while Meggers tells Jimbo Edmonds that she did some MORE digging into Brooks by calling one of his exes who claimed he fabricated a cancer diagnosis. Jimbo’s immediate reaction: “Why?” He may be the world’s largest a–hole, but his pragmatism cuts through Meghan’s nonsense so well sometimes. “Don’t do that again,” Jim Edmonds scolds. Tread carefully, Meghan. You don’t want to end up grounded alongside your stepdaughter.
NEXT: Meghan and Brooks have a showdown.
Guests file into Shannon’s gaudily decorated home. Even Lizzie From Last Season got an invite! Aww. Meghan and Jim Edmonds arrive. Meghan, excited to be there, waves across the pool. Jim Edmonds, never excited to be anywhere, undercuts her: “You’re waving at no one.” I wish Meghan shoved him into the pool. Meghan brought Shannon a bottle of whiskey, and since it’s a gift of booze, Shannon thinks, “It’s very thoughtful.” Now it’s time for another discussion about Brooks because it’s literally been four minutes since the last one and that’s simply too long.
Meghan outlines all her Nancy Drew sleuthing to the ladies, drawing an “Ohhhhh shiiiiit” from LFLS. Vicki and Brooks are on their way into this viper pit of a party, but we have just enough time for Vicki’s talking head to ponder, “Why are we not talking about Eddie? Or David? Why Brooks?” Well, ma’am, circumstantial evidence is overwhelmingly pointing to the fact that your boyfriend is a liar. Unsure how you’d besmirch Eddie, though the women could have a field day with David The Philanderer.
Brooks also gets a talking head interview! Where he lambasts Meghan for using his ex to uncover prior lies! He can’t wait to confront Meghan tonight! I also can’t wait for that! About Meghan, Vicki says, “You can’t fix stupid.” Those in glass houses, Vicki… In strides Brooks and Vicki (Vrooks? Bricki? Bricki.) and Heather can’t even say hi because it’s too phony so she walks away. Everyone else musters up the fake pleasantries, but Brooks still “feels out of place” so he wants confront Meghan now. Bricki, Meghan and Jim Edmonds all sit on a lovely couch to have this contentious conversation. Brooks wants to know Meghan’s motivation (fair) and alerts her that it’s “breachin’ my boundaries to reach out to someone from my past.” (Uh, what?)
Vicki asks Jim Edmonds if he thinks Meggers’ behavior is odd, but Jim Edmonds is not taking the bait: “I don’t know what’s going on.” Meghan defends herself while Jim Edmonds stares at his cuticles. Bricki spouts gibberish lies, highlighted via some flashbacks. Meghan claims her motivation comes from a state of concern and holds her ground. She then outlines all the ways Vicki’s been icky to her, which also seems to double as motivation for Meghan’s elementary investigating. Karma’s a fickle beast, eh, Vicki?
Meghan asks Brooks if he slandered her marriage to Tamra at a hockey game. Brooks vehemently denies it while simultaneously slandering Tamra: “Consider the source.” Zing. The confrontation ends with Bricki asking Meghan to “just send us your well wishes and prayers and that’s it.” Meghan retorts, “I will continue to ask questions about cancer until there’s a cure,” firing back a smug smile. Got to say, even though Brooks and Vicki went on the offensive here, they spent most of the conversation playing defense. Not a great sign if you’ve got nothing to hide, as Bricki claims ad nauseam. Back to the party where Vicki marches up to the other housewives declaring, “[Meghan] makes my ass tired.” …What does that mean, Fun Bus? You don’t feel like whooping it up for once??
Meghan pulls Tamra aside and immediately outs Brooks for his remarks. This. sets. Tamra. off. Jim Edmonds arrives for the tail end and spits, “You have to stop,” at his wife. Vicki can see the scorch-the-earth look in Tamra’s eyes and tries to prevent her from attacking Brooks. Vicki reminds Tamra that she’s the one who repeated the gossip, but Tamra doesn’t care. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Stalking across the backyard, Tamra assails Brooks, who “doesn’t want to do this.” You don’t say, guy. Brooks can only muster doubletalk, drawing a “Why don’t you give a straight answer for once in your f—ing life,” from an enraged Tamra. Vicki calls Tamra a fool, which is not an effective method of calming down someone who is upset at you. Vicki and Tamra continue to bicker while Brooks slithers away and the episode ends.
Is it just me or does it seem like the more Brooks tries to assure everyone he’s definitely got cancer, the less you believe him? On a scale of one to tremendously, how pointless was Tamra’s skirmish at the end? Think it was the edit or do you think Meghan really came out on top during the chat with Bricki?
The Real Housewives of Orange County