The season ended on a high note — and the ladies are still as close as ever. (Just kidding, everything is terrible.)
Okay, so maybe not everything is terrible, at least not compared to most of this season. The girl gang spent much of their time arguing about manners (Sonja vs. Tinsley), being good people (Bethenny vs. Ramona), and trying to talk about anything other than your definitely-cheating fiancé for the love of god (everybody vs. Luann). Order was restored last episode at Sonja’s party, where all was friendly once again. Would the reunion find them in a similarly peaceful, joyful mode? Stop laughing. It’s a legitimate question.
We start with ominous white text on a black screen: “What you are about to watch was recorded three weeks before Luann filed for divorce from her husband of seven months, Tom.” And it’s allllllll downhill from there.
At the gorgeous Angel Orensanz Center on Manhattan’s Lower East Side (the oldest synagogue in NYC), the women are dressed like they’re going to seven different parties. Ramona is dressed like an Oscar, Bethenny’s dressed like she’s going to the Oscars, and Luann is dressed like a bride. Who cares. Let’s get to the drama:
- Ramona: Someone wrote in to ask about Ramona not apologizing to Dorinda for defacing her home. Which prompts Ramona to apologize. In her way. (So like…not really.) Which leaves Bethenny the opening to critique Ramona’s manners: Apparently Ramona was rude to Bethenny’s assistants the night before the reunion. I believe this! Remember all the times Ramona said please and thank you to the house staff catering to her every whim in Punta Mita? That would be zero. Bethenny really goes for her, and I’m going to give you a spoiler: Bethenny wins this episode. She’s composed, intelligent, tough but compassionate. She’s like a chiller version of herself. Into it.
- Dorinda: It’s been so long since Sonja and Dorinda were feuding that I forgot about it. Luckily, there’s a supercut of all their fighting to remind us! Damn, girl — remind me not to get on Dorinda’s bad side. Because those who cross her find themselves the butt of Edie Beale impersonations and questions like “Why don’t you put an E-ZPass on that Holland Tunnel?” (If you missed the reunion, I’ll let you figure out what the Holland Tunnel is. I’ll give you a hint: Sonja tried to touch Bethenny’s while they were in Mexico.)
- Sonja: Somehow the conversation about Dorinda and Sonja’s feud turns into a debate over whether Sonja feeds stories to the press (consensus is she does) and whether she was drinking during those 10 months she was supposedly sober (consensus is she was). Then there’s a lesson about not touching other people’s stuff when you go to their homes because Sonja is in kindergarten. (Remember the Berkshires PJ incident? Gross.)
- Luann: Andy asks about married life, because remember: “What you are about to watch was recorded three weeks before Luann filed for divorce from her husband of seven months, Tom.” Luann loves being married, she says, and when Andy asks her if she misses being a countess, she tells him, “Right now [emphasis mine], I love being Mrs. D’Agostino.” (PAGING DR. FREUD.) Honestly, I have nothing else to say about this because Tom is gross and it was always obvious they would never last and I don’t understand why Luann was so determined to marry him and just UGH. This goes on for a while, but here’s the gist: Everybody knows Tom is cheating, Luann knows Tom is cheating, Tom is cheating. (I will say, Luann shows genuine emotion and vulnerability that I can’t remember ever seeing before, finally admitting that Tom’s constant flirting with other women and rumors of his infidelity does actually hurt her. Holy hell, Real Housewives first: Luann is sympathetic. I like this side of you, Lu! More, please!)
Next week, the Tom talk continues, and then it’s Bethenny’s and Tinsley’s turn on the hot seat. (Carole, I can only imagine, will just sit there playing movies in her head or whatever it is that people who ain’t got no time for this sort of mess do when six women are bickering around them.)