Meet the new Housewife Tinsley Mortimer and watch Ramona mispronounce more words!

By Tim Stack
April 12, 2017 at 10:35 PM EDT
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Is there a more socialite-y name than Tinsley Mortimer? The only wan to make it better would be to add a “van der” in between the two names. Tinsely VAN DER Mortimer. She should experiment with that.

So this was our big introduction to the newest Housewife and Sonja’s new houseguest. We also learned that Sonja has been dying her eyebrows, a new development. But back to Tinsley: Lady Morgan quickly educated her on the dos and don’ts of the house. No. 1 rule is don’t use the elevator when Sonja is gone because you could get stuck and be trapped in there. Second, don’t ever go downtown because there are lots of young women down there, a.k.a. competition.

So apparently it’s Halloween because Bethenny is dressed up in a cat suit. But it’s unclear why she needs to wear it for a random afternoon with Carole and Ramona. Alas, she’s hanging out dressed like a community theater production of Cats. Ramona steps on one of Bethenny’s dogs, which does not go over well, but, as Ramona puts it, pets are resilient just like babies.

The topic, as usual, is Luann and her impending nuptials to Tom. This story line is already tired. Like it was snoozy last season and it’s still snoozy now. Somebody better have a bra party soon and start a fight because I’m getting the sinking feeling this season is gonna be boring. Sigh.

But at least we get the image of Luann trying on various insane hats. Sonja decides to welcome Tinsley to the group by throwing a Mad Hatter party because that’s apparently what people do on the Upper East Side. Luann goes hat shopping with her “Girl Code” back-up dancer (and daughter) Victoria, but it’s sort of a bust because both gals have huge noggins.

Back at Bethenny’s, talk turns to the election, and Carole once again talks down to the group. It’s somewhat more fair this go-round since one of the grown women is in a cat costume. But Carole gets scolded by the cat lady Bethenny for acting above everyone else. I don’t know if you all knew this, but Carole worked at ABC News. This gets mentioned almost as much as Bethenny’s divorce.

So while Tinsley is living with Sonja, the latter has decided she needs to help the new housewife with the dating scene. That feels a little like me giving sports advice to the Patriots but whatever. Tinsley recounts her past dating life, which included being married to Topper Mortimer (they’re now divorced) and dating another fella, which was volatile and led to her arrest. Her biggest concern over the arrest was how crazy her eyebrows looked. In her defense, they reminded me a little of when Missy Piggy gets mugged and goes cray on roller skates in Muppets Take Manhattan. Tinsley now is more simple: Her main criteria for a man is that he has a job. It’s harder to find than you think, Tins. She did, though, offer some nice insight into how she became a socialite — it’s all in the hair. She claims that photogs never cared about her with straight hair, so she’s kept it curly. It’s all about the curls gurls.

Dorinda and Ramona then go to a cryogenics place, which is uneventful aside from Ramona using the term “The Pandora Box.” That sounds like the new club the ladies will all go to, a la Beautique or Sushi Roxx.

Finally it’s time for the Mad Hatter party. Sonja has borrowed a butler named Henry for this shindig and, lemme tell you, Henry is one catty bitch. He throws shade all over Ramona. Meanwhile, the Singer Stinger is not exactly making friends at this soiree. She completely forgets Sonja’s “neighbor” Gigi. Then, she disinvites Sonja to her house in the Hamptons because Dorinda is coming. Then, she asks Tinsley outright if she’s upset she didn’t have children with Topper. This is like before half the guests have had their tiny sandwiches.

Much like last year’s “regay/reggae” mispronunciation, Ramona tries to say “burying the hatchet” but it ends up more like “burring the hotchet.” Carole is once again bewildered. But, soon enough, Radzi is back explaining her journalism resume.

Bethenny eventually shows up with a giant Skinnygirl gift basket in hand, obvs. Then Luann appears, wearing a gigantic floppy hat. There’s some awkward chitchat. Tinsley mentions her arrest. Ramona mentions that she has a ton of hickeys on her neck. And then it’s kinda time for the party to be over. It’s no Dorinda bra party in terms of drama.

Episode Recaps

The Real Housewives of New York City

Ramona, LuAnn, Sonja, Carole, Heather, Kristen, and Dorinda — and oh, yes, Bethenny — are in a New York state of mind.

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