Real Housewives of New York City recap: 'A Bronx Tale'
Dorinda has mind-altering sex and like two mini-breakdowns while Luann has to share a toilet with a private chef
Dorinda is En. Fuego. I don’t know if she was like mainlining dirty martinis or what, but Lady Medley was super riled up in this week’s episode and I love it. Bring life back to this season, Dorinda!
Bethenny decides to invite the girls, sans Ramona, to a lunch in the Bronx. Dorinda comes in hungover from the night before and, quite possibly, still tanked. Meanwhile, everyone is sorta dressed nuts. Bethenny is in a huge fur. Carole is dressed like a zookeeper. Tinsley looks like she’s having tea on the Upper East Side.
Somehow the conversation shifts gears and Sonja brings up that Dorinda and Ramona wanted to be part of Tipsy Girl. This does not sit well with Dorinda. Also not sitting well is the copious amount of wine she has imbibed. She starts basically screaming at Sonja in the middle of the restaurant. Bethenny has barely had the chance to eat a piece of pizza. Dorinda claims Sonja is broke and then starts yelling, “Clip! Clip! Clip!” (I hope Dorinda turns this into a single.) Then she calls Sonja the “hostess with the mostess” and gestured towards her vagina. It wasn’t exactly ideal lunch conversation. To cap things off, a passerby tells Carole that she looks like Ivanka Trump or perhaps Melania. Either way, Radzi ain’t having it.
To the surprise of no one, Tinsley is in therapy. She’s still getting over her relationship and her father’s death. But I’m frankly over Housewives and their therapy sessions. They always feel sorta weird and invasive and sad. Like, I don’t need to be a fly on the wall of Eileen Davidson’s emotional breakthroughs.
Ramona, Sonja, and Luann enjoy a meal together, and Lu brings up Bethenny’s Vermont ski trip idea to Ramona. “I only ski Aspen,” says Ramona. That kind of attitude ain’t gonna be welcome up in old VT. Then there’s a discussion of how close Dorinda and Luann are, and Sonja of course makes everything awkward by saying she and Luann both slept with the same dude. That makes them like sisters right? Luann is def not feeling this convo and storms out.
And with that, we’re already off to Vermont! Bethenny actually rented a really nice log cabin. She and Carole have already arrived and slipped into themed ski sweaters. Dorinda then shows up, and Bethenny reveals that Ramona sorta apologized to her via text. Of course, she sent it before it was fully finished. Lady Medley goes out to retrieve her luggage from her car and realizes she’s left it all in Manhattan. Carole is sorta like, Uh what’s goin’ on gurl? Dorinda then tells the real story: that she went to John’s house to pick up her car and ended up having sex with him. The lovemaking was so profound that it made her forget about her luggage, and she went straight to Vermont. Or maybe all the dry cleaning fumes from Madame Paulette made her loopy. How is she going to last a full weekend without multiple fur vests?!? She forgot all her luggage but empties her purse and finds a mini disco ball. She rolls with the essentials, obviously.
Ramona finally arrives and is already annoyed. She’s spent five hours in the car, which is the most amount of time she’s ever been in a car. She also immediately shades the Skinnygirl wine options and prefers something “really good.” She and Sonja then stay on brand and run around to the various rooms to see if they can steal the biggest one. They’re bummed that Dorinda has the best bathroom.
But you know who’s super upset about the bedroom situation? Luann. She gets there last and has to sleep in the finished basement! Next to a ping-pong table! And one of the private chefs used her toilet! In one of the best Luann moments in recent years, she scolds the group for not giving her a big bedroom since she’s now a married woman. She basically thinks that should have been her wedding present, never mind the fact that none of these people were invited to her wedding aside from Dorinda. It’s all very Aviva-expecting-a-sign-in-St-Barth’s.
Finally, it’s time for dinner and time for Tinsley to act nuts. She starts wiggin’ out about everyone pressuring her to move out of Sonja’s house and figure out her life. She can’t take the pressure! There’s so much pressure! Bethenny is sorta like, Get over it lady. And then Tinsley says, Well, at least your breakup wasn’t public. Bethenny just about sets the house on fire telekinetically and then tells Tinsley to Google her. Gosh I love Housewives trips!!
The Real Housewives of New York City