The Real Housewives of New York City recap: All Bets Are Off
Jules introduces Sonja to an Italian; Luann gets some exciting news not involving a statement necklace
It’s amazing this recap was even written when there’s a Taylor/Calvin/Katy fandango to discuss. But I won’t go there… Well, I may drop little side notes, but let’s get back to RHONY: We’re still at Joanne’s Trattoria in the garden. I’m assuming half the restaurant has left due to both the cameras and the endless vagina talk. Luann is suuuuuper pissed; she doesn’t feel like any of the women are happy for her (which they kinda aren’t), so she storms out. She also has a cold, which takes her already deep voice into Harvey Fierstein territory. We do get more info on Sonja’s past rendezvous with Tom: The pair would meet up at random UES haunts when they were both single. “That’s what adults do,” explained Sonja. Sure.
Luann’s departure does nothing to douse the drama, though. As soon as she leaves, Jules perks up and goes on a rampage against Bethenny. She gets all upset that Bethenny makes fun of her intelligence and that both Bethenny and Carole both make light of her eating disorder. She also claims Bethenny talked about her marriage, of which I have no recollection. It honestly feels like Jules is upset and stressed out over stuff in her deteriorating marriage, so she’s feeling overly sensitive. Also, she does do insane things like bake silverware into calzones and I can see where the ladies might find such behavior a tad odd. Basically, Bethenny has no time for this. She feels like Jules should be thanking her for not freaking out over the eating disorder (Bethenny has, like, PTSD from her mother’s own issues).
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Jules then admits she actually puked up her food a few days ago and that she’s still very much dealing with her illness. But the women, especially Carole, have a point: If you don’t want anyone to talk about your eating disorder, then don’t bring up your eating disorder.
It’s all getting very serious when Ramona finally emerges from her meatball plate and exclaims she wants to take everyone to Mohegan Sun. She wants to rent a bus and gamble and take everyone to a Bobby Flay restaurant. Everyone basically agrees just to put an end to the terrible conversation.
NEXT: A RHONY-style blind date
The next day, Luann and Ramona meet on a random street corner on the UES and almost immediately start yelling at each other. They also rehash the origin story of how Luann met Tom, which no one really cares about. It just sounds like a lotta cougars climbing over each other to land a man. These two gals also sound ludicrous because they’re of a certain age and keep using terms like “got my back” and “talking smack.” It’s like they’re in a bad community theater production of Grease. I do enjoy how Luann has deemed all of Tom’s prior love life as “BL” — Before Lu. And you wonder why people think she’s an egomaniac.
Meanwhile, Carole is still trying to make veganism happen with a scene at her apartment, where Adam makes cauliflower pancakes or something. It’s a big nope.
Back at Sonja’s house, she’s preparing a dinner party for six people, which naturally requires her to borrow her brother-in-law’s butler and enlist the help of two interns. It’s a special dinner because Jules is bringing a blind date for Sonja: an Italian fella named Rocco. The fella shows up in a velvet jacket with epaulets and immediately recognizes John. (I mean, you can’t own velvet jackets without a good dry cleaner.) Sonja finally makes her entrance, dressed a bit like Roxie Hart meets a Wild West saloon owner, and ends up already knowing Rocco. He’s apparently a man about town who “knows everyone.” Ohhhh boy. I know what that means on the UES. Rocco is basically the new Tom (who’s the new Harry).
While it seems like it could be a match made in heaven, as soon as they sit down, Sonja tells a story about her ex-husband’s family. YEOW. That’s a real you-know-what shrinker. Not helping the scene, John obvs makes a dry-cleaning joke. What’s the opposite of an aphrodisiac?
Next it’s time for the gals to depart for Mohegan Sun. Ramona has rented a real ginormous bus. She wasn’t kidding! And she has snacks! There’s dips and copious amounts of Ramona Pinot and Skinnygirl drinks. Sonja is high on laughing gas from the dentist (I’m guessing she broke her tooth during some activity with Rocco), so she helps break the tension between Jules and Bethenny. Such tension resurfaces when Bethenny decides to have a convo with Dorinda about Jules, like, 10 feet away from Jules. No one on this show seems to understand that their voices carry.
The big news is Luann finally got engaged, but she didn’t tell any of the girls and leaked it to the press instead. The good news is Bethenny and Sonja make up and the Low-Cal Booze Battle of 2016 is finally squashed.
The Real Housewives of New York City
Ramona, LuAnn, Sonja, Carole, Heather, Kristen, and Dorinda — and oh, yes, Bethenny — are in a New York state of mind.