Bethenny finally gets an apartment and the ladies meet a psychic who loves coffee!

By Tim Stack
Updated July 22, 2015 at 01:03 AM EDT
Credit: Bravo
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First things first: Bedazzling should ALWAYS be a relaxing experience. The inventor of the bedazzler, whose name I will not say mostly because I have no idea who he/she is, did not intend for that genius bit of technology to be used during times of stress. But, unfortunately, the disaster of Denim & Diamond night continued to be a topic of conversation on this week’s RHONY.

Carole came over to Bethenny’s new apartment, which had both a luxurious kitchen and a crystal chandelier for 4-year-old Bryn. Also, naturally, the color scheme involved “Skinnygirl red” which is sold in the same stores as “Ramona blue.” I’m surprised Bethenny doesn’t have a huge room just devoted to snacks or blenders. “Here’s the library. And across the hall is the low-cal granola bar salon.”

Carole, who’s dressed like Cameron Diaz’s Miss Hannigan, explains the whole bedazzling party controversy while lounging on Bethenny’s super firm mattress. Bethenny seems to see both sides of the whole naked-man-in-Turks-and-Caicos-fight, which annoys her because she isn’t ever neutral. But maybe she just doesn’t want to cause a scene amidst her thousands of Restoration Hardware boxes. But she does bring up a good point: Luann probably didn’t want people to think Turks & Caicos was another St. Barths/pirate experience. Remember the pirate?!?!?! Such good times. Man, LuLu loves to have a good time on vacation.

Before Carole leaves, Bethenny informs her that her leather gloves are leaving leather bits on her face. Radzi, it’s time to stop the Forever 21 shopping trips. I mean it was time awhile ago, but now it’s really time.

So Kristen had the formal Denim & Diamonds event, which appeared to be held in the loft where she and Luann did their maxi pad commercial modeling shoot, a.k.a. that shoot for Luann’s line of slouchy blouses and loose pants. Pretty much everyone shows up except for Bethenny, who I’m guessing was decoupaging her guest bedroom wall with Skinnygirl labels. Kristen complimented Sonja on her designs: “Your jeans look fabulous. I love the feathers.” Feathers on jeans people. FEATHERS. ON. JEANS.

Ramona rolls into the party in a denim dress and thigh high boots so you know she means business. She grabs Kristen’s butt (“I love asses!”) and then immediately starts getting annoyed that there’s no True Faith signage at the party. She and Heather sorta get in a fight, but it feels a little phoned in. I need more table flipping or mentions of Boogaloo.

Now, here’s where things get a little sad. Carole takes Heather and Dorinda to see a “coffee grind reader” in Queens. That’s not the sad part, but I can see why you thought that. I will say the lady has a lovely house and a very cute cookie platter. She basically makes the women have coffee with her and then they analyze the sediment left over. It’s odd. But she nails it with all the women, mentioning specific things about Carole’s husband, Heather’s son, and Dorinda’s husband. It’s all kinda moving. Tim may have almost shed a tear.

Oh man we’re back with Bethenny and Dr. Amador. I’m starting to hallucinate Skinnygirl branding now because I’m 85 percent sure he was using a Skinnygirl pen to take notes on Bethenny’s mental well-being. But this session goes pretty well. Bethenny says she’s starting to have fun with the women and then goes on to list the individual traumas each of them is facing. Fun times!!!

Blah blah Carole and Adam go shopping blah blah He’s cute blah blah She doesn’t know how to cook blah blah Dinner party.

So I could barely concentrate during Carole’s dinner party because of those floating stairs in her living room. They are terribly unsafe. I mean I see how these ladies throw them back at Bootique/Beautique/Buuutik — she needs a guardrail. Anyway, Adam made homemade gnocchi.

Carole and Dorinda ended the episode about to board a flight to London to pick up Carole’s husband’s ashes. After a couple Bloody Marys in the Delta Lounge, the pair got to talking about their late husbands and it was actually quite sweet. It just felt like two women bonding over tragedy and really getting to talk honestly about death and grieving. But it also reminded me of why I like Carole so much! She always felt so authentic in past years and this was the side I feel has been missing all this season. Good to have her back. Also, Dorinda was obvs wearing fur.

Episode Recaps

The Real Housewives of New York City

Ramona, LuAnn, Sonja, Carole, Heather, Kristen, and Dorinda — and oh, yes, Bethenny — are in a New York state of mind.

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