Real Housewives of New York City recap: Fashionably Fired Up
Tonight on RHONY: Gratuitous product placement!!! I’m just teasing. That’s EVERY NIGHT on RHONY. While it’s usually SkinnyGirl products being shoved in our faces, tonight we began with a visit to Georgetown Cupcakes. Apparently this is where Bethenny goes with her daughter and her daughter’s pals. The moms get sauced and the kids decorate cupcakes. Since the cast of RHONY is basically at the emotional maturity level of a child, Bethenny figures it’s a perfect spot for a get together.
“Wow it’s bright in here!” That’s Ramona’s reaction to the cupcake joint. She likes mood lighting when frosting. But thankfully Ramona brought her own bottle of Ramona Pinot Grigio along with glassware; soon enough things will start getting dimmer. Sonja of course finds one of the rollers and immediately asks if it’s an “anal dildo.” But then things get serious…as they do after the words “anal dildo” are uttered. Sonja announces that she’s about to finally pay off her $7 million judgment that was brought down on her from a lawsuit. Since she’s losing all this money, Sonja then has the grand idea to take a luxury vacay to Turks & Caicos. Let’s keep spending money!!! Bethenny is obviously wary having recently visited the seventh ring of hell, a.k.a. Atlantic City. But they all promise it won’t be like that. That’s also what they say in slasher film sequels. “Let’s reopen Camp Crystal Lake. What makes you think Jason Voorhees would come back here? He’s totally dead.”
The next day Kristen and Luann meet at a shoe store for a real boring convo about how Kristen doesn’t like how Bethenny isn’t connecting with everyone. Ugh this story line is such a nope. I liked Kristen last year, but this season she’s so whiny. I get that Bethenny is even more unstable than the Ramona-coaster but stop pretending how you’re all like lifelong friends—this is a reality show! You didn’t know most of these people before! It’s okay if you’re not clicking immediately.
Carole has got to cool it with the slogan shirts. It’s like she’s just discovered Urban Outfitters or something. Actually, Carole admits to Bethenny, over dinner, that her sweater, which says “Trouble,” is from Forever 21. Okay folks. People can do what they want in life. But there are certain stores we cannot shop at once we hit a certain age. Forever 21 is one of those stores for me, and it should be that way for Carole. Sorry. Truthbomb. Anyways, Carole announces to Bethenny that she had a sex dream about it. Bethenny has never smiled so widely since she started this season. It was like they announced that her salad dressing had broken sales records at Trader Joe’s or something. Like beaming. It finally felt like the old Bethenny, the fun lady. Not the crazy lady who cries at CB2.
So apparently Luann has created a clothing line. And while I, like any logical person, assumed it would be solely statement necklaces, it was actually sportswear. Basically, Luann has created her own line of Chico’s apparel. It’s lots of patterned dresses, patterned pants, and off-the-shoulder blouses. It’s basically the OPPOSITE of Forever 21. Luann and Kristen also modeled some of the items which involved doing a lot of tiny kicks and hair whips. During all of this blousy fun, Bethenny showed up like she was trekking through the tundra and almost immediately started sobbing. Sigh. The girls wanted to talk about their trip to Turks & Caicos, and it turns out Bethenny can’t stay the whole time because she doesn’t want to leave her daughter for so long and then tears. Luckily, she found a ginormous wicker chair to sit in and cry. Also, Luann showed up and calmed her down. I think all the tears distracted Bethenny from noticing that Luann was wearing a gigantic bird necklace. It was like something Wonder Woman would purchase at a flea market.
So the next time we see everyone, no one is crying but they are in a limo. Bethenny has arranged a night out at one of her favorite Italian restaurants in Queens. In the ride over, it’s revealed that there has been a return to…BOETIQUE/BEAUTIQUE/BOWTIQUE/BOATIQUE/BUUTIQUE. All my senses failed once I heard those words. But, from what I recall, Sonja got drizzunk and was like hitting on every single dude in the bar including Furinda’s John. Yowza. So then we get to Bethenny’s restaurant Park Side, and the ladies scope the place for men, which there are tons of. Also, Luann revealed that she felt very much at home because she lived in Italy previously (In Luann’s mind: Italy = Queens). The gals had some talk about whether or not they should intervene in Sonja’s life, but decided against it. They did though come to an agreement that the breadbasket was impressive.
We returned yet again to Luann’s clothing line. She had a launch party for it at a hotel and invited a bunch of the ladies. The pre-party was in a suite filled with mannequins draped in blousy blouses. Between the Essex House and the Warwick, 85 percent of this season is spent in old hotels. For some reason, Carson Kressley shows up and his chyron reads “celebrity stylist.” This was when I began laughing out loud. Soooo in between dressing “celebrities,” Carson apparently has his own line too with Luann on something called evine.com. Mostly, though Carson helped move the mannequins downstairs for the actual party.
Ramona showed up in Ramona Blue, obvs, and basically went straight for Kristen. She accused her of being too hard on Bethenny and called Kristen “dumb”—which homegirl does not enjoy. Heather defends Kristen and tells Ramona that she’s basically doing the same thing she accused Kristen of doing to Bethenny. Meanwhile, somewhere Carson Kressley is carrying a badly dressed mannequin through the halls of The Warwick.
NEXT WEEK…TURKS & CAICOS!!!!!!
The Real Housewives of New York City
Ramona, LuAnn, Sonja, Carole, Heather, Kristen, and Dorinda — and oh, yes, Bethenny — are in a New York state of mind.