December 06, 2017 at 10:00 PM EST

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Current Status
In Season

Shockingly, Teresa gets through the confrontation without throwing anything (okay, she *lightly* tosses a chair), and the entire affair with Kim D — who I guess we can just call “Kim” now that IT IS APPARENT THAT KIM G IS NOT COMING BACK — turns out to be an amuse-bouche to the real action stars of the night: Dolores and Melissa. “Siggy, Dolores, after seeing that, you guys are gonna go walk in the show?” Melissa asks. “That’s right, I am, don’t tell me what to do,” Dolores barks back while completely invading Melissa’s dance space. If there’s one thing Dolores Catania cannot abide, it’s being bossed around, and I have no doubt that Melissa’s chastising only empowered her to walk harder, better, faster, and stronger in that fashion show. (Siggy’s just quietly crying in the background if anybody cares. Nobody does. Cool, moving on.)

Shockingly, a few scenes later, all it takes for Dolores and Siggy to come around to understanding why Teresa and Melissa were so hurt is the suggestion from Frank Sr. that maybe they should have reconsidered walking in the show. (Actually, they kind of only seem to care about Teresa.) Dolores nearly pummeled Melissa for suggesting the same thing, but it takes her precisely 2.2 seconds to change her mind when her ex suggests it. That to me is…interesting. And then all it takes a few scenes later for Teresa to come around to Siggy (but possibly not Dolores) is Siggy’s assertion that she didn’t want to let down the families at the show for whom the proceeds would benefit. Teresa’s got an open mind! Siggy’s apologizing! What’s up is down! What’s down is up! It’s all very confusing.

Lucky for us, there’s a port in this brunet-extensioned maelstrom: the ray of light that is Marge Sr., the hotsy-totsy elderwife (and savior) of this season. Margaret is setting her up on a date with her accountant, and all I have to say about that is that I hope to be half as sassy as Marge Sr. when I’m her age. Hell, I’d like to be half as sassy now. Marge Sr. is thinking about getting (another) tattoo, this time one that is visible only when she’s naked, which her date seems to like, and OH MY GOD WE FORGOT ABOUT THE MEDIAN.

Concetta the medium is just a simple girl in studded blue boots who’s always talked to dead people. She’s actually very lovely, and I can understand why people like her. She’s got words of solace for the Gorga-Giudices from their mom, and I buy every word of it. (We’ve got to believe in something, you guys, and the things I’m choosing to believe in right now are Marge Sr. and Concetta the medium.) And either way, she’s made all of them feel better, and like they actually got to communicate with their mother, so I say cheers to that. (Did I mention that Melissa, Joe, and Teresa all had a heaping helping of vodka before the reading? Nothing for Concetta, because she “never mixes alcohol with dead people.” Sure sure.)

Next week we’re headed to Milan, even though (if you’re keeping track) Teresa is mad at Dolores, Dolores is mad at Teresa, and, from the looks of previews, Siggy and Margaret are fighting again, this time about Margaret’s (admittedly stupid but I don’t think ill-intentioned) mentioning of Hitler to make a point last episode. (Oy.) Also, I think Danielle Staub finally hits peak Staubiness! Ciao, amores.

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