November 29, 2017 at 10:00 PM EST

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

TV Show
run date
Current Status
In Season

Who cares, now it’s time for the Posche fashion show! (Boy, this episode is a whirlwind.) Siggy and Dolores are walking in it — it’s for charity this year, in memory of Kim D.’s son’s friends who died in a truly horrific way — and Teresa and Melissa are not pleased. You’ll remember that Kim D. insinuated that Joe was cheating on Teresa, and also (with Teresa’s help) perpetuated the rumor about Melissa being a stripper. Siggy, for what it’s worth, doesn’t believe that Joe is cheating because she hasn’t seen pictures of “the wee wee entering the cookie.” (Gonna just leave that there.) And anyway, it doesn’t matter because the bigger bombshell (which we knew was coming the second we heard the words “Kim D.”) is that it’s Teresa who’s been rekindling old flames lately. Dolores and the Sigster defend Teresa, with Siggy going so far as to dramatically proclaim that she has to get out of there right now. (That “dramatically” was unnecessary, right? Siggy doesn’t really do anything not dramatically.) Dolores is a bit more measured: “Some people ask how I could be in the same room with her,” Dolores says about Kim D. “And some people ask how I could be friends with Teresa Giudice.” They’re meant to be shrugs, a tacit “I do what I want, nobody else is the boss of me,” but honestly, those are really good questions. Why is she friends with these people?

The women meet for dinner — honestly, this episode feels even more than usual like all they’re doing is going from place to place and talking — and the entire gang decides to tag along on a trip to Milan that Margaret and Teresa are taking so Marge can teach Mel about the fashion business. And they are elated! For exactly one minute! Then Siggy and Dolores break the news about the fact that not only are they walking in Kim D.’s show but that Kim is spreading rumors about Teresa and that’s a wrap on all the happiness.

Melissa and Teresa are upset that Siggy and Dolores would be friends with Kim D. Siggy and Dolores defend themselves by saying that (a) they stood up for Teresa in the face of the cheating allegations but that also (b) Kim D. has never personally done anything bad to them, so they can’t judge her. I gotta say, Dolores’ whole “I stay neutral” thing actually feels sort of weak in this instance. She’s incredibly loyal, but it’s beginning to feel like she’s equally loyal to everyone, which means she’s sort of not loyal? It’s like how when you’re reading a book for a class and you start highlighting meaningful passages, but then before you know it the entire page is highlighted, which is pretty much the same as the entire page not being highlighted. Ya dig? Anyway, I’d be mad if I were Teresa, too, though I’m not sure I would have gone so far as to throw a wine glass against the wall, which, BTW, is what she eventually does. This causes Dolores to jump up and all but launch herself across the table at Teresa. And while this is all happening, Danielle Staub is standing by, trying incredibly hard not to make her obvious delight too obvious, suppressing a smile because her ultimate plan to wreak havoc among the ladies has finally been realized. “The line in the sand has been drawn,” she declares triumphantly as Siggy and Dolores storm out. “Have a nice time, ladies.”

Right now (and I can’t believe I’m going to say this) I sort of wish we were back at Siggy’s retreat so Melissa could get back into that ring of stones again and call Teresa out for her hypocrisy — Teresa’s mad on her own behalf but ostensibly also on Melissa’s, for what Kim D. did to her. But let’s not forget that what Kim D. did to Melissa is also what Teresa did to Melissa, and in the end, the only one Teresa really cares about is herself. That’s not going to happen, but what is going to happen is that Teresa, Melissa, Danielle, and Margaret are going to the Posche fashion show — which, I repeat, is a fund-raiser in memory of two dead people — to confront Kim D. OY. This episode was 75 percent nothing (you remember the part about the No. 1 Family signs, right?), with 25 percent of OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING thrown in at the very end. Mostly it was a scene setter for next week, when Teresa may or may not rip Kim D.’s extensions out with her bare hands. Squeeeee!

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