Melissa finally opens her Envy boutique, and Teresa takes every precaution with Jacqueline

By Evan Slead
August 01, 2016 at 12:19 AM EDT
Bravo
type
  • TV Show
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Genre

Welcome back to the shores of the East Coast! When last we saw the ladies, they were listening to Teresa reveal the “Sisterhood of the Fishy Pants.” Of course, every party has to end, and life goes on. What better note to come back on than Melissa’s ever-present and brass business partner, Jackie, revealing a pile of dog poop in the boutique. Envy-ous? Melissa is just a few days away from her new business venture opening to the public, and it seems there are plenty of last-minute details to handle. Meanwhile, Joe Gorga is screaming at his kids, notably little Gino, to stop climbing on a mysterious mound of dirt behind their house. Business ventures may be booming, but the Real Housekids of Jersey are not taking any notice.

Meanwhile, Siggy sat down with Jacqueline to share similar child-rearing frustrations. Siggy’s daughter, Sophie, spends too much time on her phone (and this is pre-Pokémon Go!), so she’s worried her daughter will never learn to have a real conversation. Jacqueline can sympathize because CJ talks to his friends via Xbox Live headphones, to which Siggy replies, “I know what you mean. My son has hickeys all over his neck.” Not exactly the same, but okay. (Later, Siggy barges into her son’s room — after he tells her “don’t come in!” to check his neck for hickeys. “You came out of my body. I’m obsessed with you!” Okayyy.)

Siggy then tells Jacqueline how she loved meeting Teresa at the party, fishy-crotch story and all — and the two have plans to go rock climbing together. Since the new friends are getting along, Siggy also thinks it would be okay to bring up the tabloid news that she and Juicy Joe are having marital issues. Jacqueline has been down that road before, and her immediate but proper response of “Leave me out of it” says it all.

Teresa is over in New York at the Simon and Schuster headquarters to keep her book business (?) afloat through a live reading of Turning Tables. Attempting to hold back tears, the newly freed mother asks for something she can take to calm her down. On camera, the producer of the book reading explains he can’t give her anything for that, but she miraculously gets through it all…off camera. She then steps into a meeting to select the photos for her post-prison book. Her biggest lesson learned during her incarceration? Life used to be picture-esque, what with the table-flipping and fighting with her family, but then it all crumbled before her feet as she was forced to spend time in the slammer. She used to think “that all women in prison were bad people,” but that was before she became one herself and paved the way for a true understanding of the incarcerated (sorry, Orange Is the New Black).

Back at the Gorga home, now run by the kids, Joe is fervently trying to prove to his children he is an “Italian Stallion” and not a woman, as Gino calls him. While the lone female child beats her father with what looks like a sleeping-bag case, Joe attempts to keep his architecture business afloat. He’s on the phone planning his million-dollar deal, and the kids have now somehow placed the family dog in the kitchen sink. I’m pretty sure I also saw one of them with a knife. In his final hour of need, he calls Melissa, who fervently explains she cannot leave Envy to bring order to the household and give the dog a proper bath.

NEXT: Proper pet care

Over in the Catania home, Dolores’ daughter, Gabby, is washing her hamster (or gerbil). As she pulls the creature out of the water and into her arms, Dolores praises her for wanting to become a vet. Gabby relays a story about delivering a cow’s baby, noting it as the reason she wants to work with animals. She then disturbs us all by dunking the hamster repeatedly in water while the dog attempts to bite at the defenseless creature’s tiny feet…while she laughs.

It’s time for Tre and Siggy’s mother-daughter date: Teresa — climbing in what can only be described as space boots — and Gabriella are already on the wall when Siggy and Sophie arrive. Siggy immediately embarrasses her daughter by telling the group how her braces just came off. Teresa has plenty of ammo, too, though, yelling to a climbing Gabriella, “Your butt looks juicy!” As the daughters cling to the fake wall with dear life and the mothers sling as many cute insults as they can, Siggy then takes the opportunity to tell Teresa she asked Jacqueline about the rumors of Joe’s cheating. She — thankfully — told Tre that Jacqueline called the rumors ridiculous, which instilled new trust between the old friends.

Friendships can run deep, but the blood between family is forever, as seen in Melissa’s teary toast to the Envy boutique finally opening. Her sisters gather around her to remind her that despite their father’s tragic passing years earlier, he is with her in spirit to support her new venture. We are then taken to the event, where Melissa and Joe gather in front of press to take photos for the opening. Joe manages to share that he has lost some weight due to all of the “boom, boom in the bedroom.” Thanks for that, Joe.

Teresa and Gia are heading to the gala sans Juicy Joe, as he is attending Nonna’s birthday celebration. Gia, looking like the real matriarch of the Giudice clan, sooths Teresa’s worries about the press by simply stating, “You’ll be fine.” We get a good look at some of the dishy outfits Envy will offer, including a blazer with “LOVE” written on the back, a white tank top, and a coral cut-out dress no one will be able to wear now that Joe Gorga has decided to model it for the party.

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The fun’s over, though. Teresa gets down to business and addresses the cheating rumors head on with her husband. She informs Joe cheating will never be allowed, a threat Joe responds to with only minimal sweating. Chris Laurita makes an unexpected call to Juicy Joe, inviting him and Teresa over for a long-overdue get together. While Teresa and Jacqueline’s relationship is still on the mend, it seems to be flowing in the right direction. Oh wait, the preview for next week seems to reveal otherwise. Until then! 

The Jersey housewives and extended clans keep the Garden State interesting.
type
  • TV Show
seasons
  • 8
Genre
Premiere
  • 05/12/09
Status
  • In Season
Network
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