The Real Housewives of Dallas premiere recap: Everything Is Bigger in Dallas

Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise just got a little bigger. Monday night brought the series premiere of The Real Housewives of Dallas, which transposes the tried-and-true Housewives formula to the Lone Star State.

So how do the latest ladies measure up to Lisa Vanderpump, Ramona Singer, NeNe Leakes, and other beloved Bravolebrities? EW’s C. Molly Smith and Mary Sollosi break down the premiere and weigh in on the new cast below.

MOLLY: I didn’t think there was enough drama, personally. I expected more.

MARY: I feel that. I’m so frustrated that it wasn’t more exciting.

MOLLY: I really felt like they were promising a lot with all the “everything’s bigger in Texas,” but then one of them even said, “look, my hair isn’t big!” It was almost like that kind of spoke to what the episode was going to be: Not as big. Alas.

MARY: Oh my god, great metaphor.

TIFFANY

I came home to Dallas to shine my light, not to fight.

MOLLY: I really like Tiffany and her husband. She seemed like the most normal to me, and I thought they were really sweet together, but in the preview you see them not even fighting, but just wondering if moving to Dallas was the right move.

MARY: She’s Leeanne’s best friend; the first time we saw her was when they were shopping for dresses together, right?

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MOLLY: Right. I feel like I won’t like her as much as the season goes on because if Leeanne is the villain and Tiffany is her best friend, you know that there’s going to be trouble. Also, in the preview, she’s calling people out left and right, so I feel like she’s maybe not as sweet as this episode may have led us to believe.

MARY: She said at the beginning that Leeanne is “like the mayor of Dallas.” Queen bee alert.

NEXT: Now let’s talk about Leanne…​

LEEANNE

I grew up a carnie kid. Play games with me, and you’re going to pay.

MOLLY: I thought it was hilarious that people kept talking about how afraid everyone is of Leeanne, when she’s just a person. I totally am eating up her drama. She had so many good lines like, “They call me the mouth of the South, and I’m okay with that.”

MARY: She also said “we’re far from a hick town, and I’m far from a Southern belle”; then there’s Atlanta, where literally every single one of Phaedra’s taglines has been about how she’s a Southern belle. It’s a new brand of Southernerdom in Dallas.

MOLLY: That’s a word now.

MARY: It is. I just made it one. Everything is about the charity scene, I get the impression.

MOLLY: There’s always an element of charity work in Real Housewives shows, but this really to me felt like it was on a whole other level because that’s basically what this was all about… and I don’t want the show to be ALL about that.

MARY: Yeah, you look at other Housewives cities and they’re always going to charity events, but philanthropy is only part of what they do. But that’s really the focus here. I hope it doesn’t make them too nice. “Everything’s about charity, blah blah blah” — like, okay, we get it, that’s great, but hardly makes things interesting. Stop checking yourself with the charity stuff. Just start the conflict, ladies.

MOLLY: Also, this line: “This is a charity event, and you’re acting like a little bitch.” Just going to put that out there. That should be her tagline.

MARY: Instant classic.

BRANDI

I was a Cowboys cheerleader, but in Dallas, I’m never on the sidelines.

MOLLY: I found her kind of annoying. I think Leeanne is definitely a bully, but I felt like Brandi was stirring things up unnecessarily. Why would you tell somebody that they need help when they’re just kind of loud?

MARY: Totally. I think Leeanne is obnoxious, and she was being fake and whatever, but she was being nice, at least, when she was talking to Brandi at the party at the end. Brandi, just accept it. Just be like, “okay, thank you, bye.” Why did she insist on starting that fight when Leeanne gave her a way out? I know I said I wanted drama, but I thought it was just kind of mean and out of place.

MOLLY: I found it very petty because you’re telling someone that they suck, but then you’re the one making it worse, because Leeanne was nice at the beginning of their conversation. The whole thing about Leeanne and Tiffany sort of pressuring her to do the imitation of Leeanne was weird, but when they actually sat down she seemed normal and then it was like Brandi was looking for trouble.

NEXT: Meet the last two Dallas housewives

STEPHANIE

I’m the girl next door, if you live in a big old mansion.

MOLLY: I like crass jokes, but I thought Brandi and Stephanie just had a really dumb sense of humor. It’s not funny, you’re just making poop jokes.

MARY: Oh. My. God. I hated this thing about Stephanie talking about how she farts all the time? Why? Why do they do that? Why is that a joke? Seriously, they both said, independent of each other, that Stephanie can fart on command. They both said that in their confessionals!

MOLLY: I also could not stand the whole deal with “Jesus Juice.” I don’t want that to be a thing, but I feel like they’re going to keep pushing it.

MARY: Ugh, stop trying to make Jesus Juice happen. It’s not going to happen. The one thing I will say is, I like what good friends they are, because I feel like their friendship is genuine, and you can tell they really sincerely have fun together, but the farting thing: Not funny. Jesus Juice? Absolutely not.

MOLLY: That’s interesting that you point out that she and Brandi are real friends because that’s really not the case with a lot of the other housewives, just a bunch of people that fit the bill, who they bring together and all the drama feels very artificial because they don’t know each other. It’s not that I want these two people who are friends in real life to fight, but it just feels in this situation there’s some actual reality in reality television.

MARY: It comes across when there’s real friendship there, and I think it’s really good to have people like that at the core of a cast. Kyle and Lisa in Beverly Hills are so fun to watch together, and Ramona and Sonja in New York, obviously. Love Ramonja.

MOLLY: We should get shirts. Ramonja 4EVER.

CARY

I’m not a trophy wife. I’m a lifetime achievement award.

MOLLY: I really like Cary.

MARY: Cary was my favorite! Hands down, my favorite one. First of all, obviously, her tagline was the best.

MOLLY: She was sassy, but not too much. She was catty when necessary, like when she threw all this shade at Leeanne and said “I don’t know how you get a job drinking and socializing, but I will look into it.” She hit all the right Real Housewives notes without being too extreme in either direction.

MARY: I loved in her introduction, because her husband’s a plastic surgeon, she said “the essentials in Dallas are great handbag, great pair of shoes, great pair of boobs.” I was like, oh yeah, you’re a Real Housewife. You get it.

MOLLY: Cary for prez.

MARY: Actually though.

What did you all — or as they say in Dallas, y’all — think of the Real Housewives of Dallas premiere? Tell us your thoughts below.