The ladies of RHOBH finally head to Berlin, thank Andy Cohen on high

March 28, 2018 at 02:13 AM EDT

“‘I will never give you more than you can handle.’ – God” – Dorit

I could have watched the scene where Dorit bustles in late to a meeting with the employees who have created her entire swimwear line and tells them how insaaaanely busy she’s been, shortly before informing them she will be going on an impromptu international vacation for — I don’t know — four hours. “I don’t know how I do it!” she exclaims to the people who do it for her but must not have had any sharp objects within grabbing distance, or surely things could have gone downhill fast.

In said inspirational meeting, where Dorit informs her co-workers that they needn’t worry about the last-minute fashion show she’s forcing them to throw because she “can feel the creativity burning inside her” (ah, yes, just what you need to bring hundreds of event logistics together: burning creativity for Lycra fashions), she also assures them that “God does not give us more than we can handle.”

Now, please don’t quote me on this, but…Dorit appears to be right. Because here on season 8 of Beverly Hills, our Bravo lord and savior Andy Cohen surely has not given us more than we can handle. As of this episode’s airing, what could possibly be the potential topics of discussion written on His notorious cue cards at the season 8 reunion? How Dorit is always late? How Erika’s brain matter seeps out of her ear once a season and she unloads four decades of fury onto one semi-hapless but harmless blond woman? How Kyle and Dorit are jealous of each other because they want the love of Lisa Vanderpump, who only has enough affection in her heart for 1,100 small dogs and one dog-adjacent old man? I guess the other 50 minutes could just be…Lisa Rinna sorting through her new and improved pill bag?

But hey, I’m not here to complain about the lack of big drama in season 8, I’m here to point out the little things from which we can still squeeze out entertainment, as evidenced in Tuesday night’s episode. Like Lisa Rinna saying the most wonderfully RHOBH lead-in to a story I’ve ever heard: “I had been seeing this psychic that I really, really loved that Cindy Crawford had turned me on to.” And do you know that psychic is the reason Lisa Rinna is selling forest green dusters on QVC today? Just wonderful! Or how about Dorit just…thinking it’s okay to wear a Big & Tall man’s business shirt as a dress to her friend’s cocktail hour, which of course turned out to be that friend’s unveiling of her Kardashian game avatar?

Sure, we come to Beverly Hills for the drama only rich women can bring, but we also come to watch them be insanely rich. And have you ever felt poorer than watching Erika pick up a phone that connects solely to her Presidential Suite concierge at the Waldorf Astoria Berlin and order up a dinner party for six that she just decided to “host” the next night? Maybe the reunion should just be a three-parter about how easy everything is when you’re rich. I’d watch that!

Okay, now that we’ve brought a little positivity back into the mix, how about a dreadfully sad documentary about canine torture? Truly, the Vanderpump-Todds are having a time of it. After LVP and Ken’s pink dog, Pink Dog, died unexpectedly, their other dog, Pikachu, died…I think somewhat more expectedly, but still, in a matter of days, they’d lost two beloved pets. (For the record, Lollipop, a heretofore unseen 13-year-old dog, isn’t looking so hot either, so maybe cast some good vibes her — his? — way.)

And now, after the death of two dogs, Lisa and Todd have to screen the documentary they’ve been working on, The Road to Yulin and Beyond at the LA Awareness Film Festival. LVP can’t even talk about her dogs when Dorit calls for fear of crying while she’s getting her makeup done for the festival, so naturally Dorit continues to bring up all of  LVP’s deceased dogs over and over again until she finally tires of the sound of her own voice…ha ha, j/k, that would never happen, Lisa just finally hangs up. (Recap continues on page 2)

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