Season 7 ends as it began: with #pantygate

By Caitlin Brody
April 04, 2017 at 10:00 PM EDT
Isabella Vosmikova/Bravo

The time has finally come to say goodbye to the ladies — I gotta admit, I’m ready — but not before exhausting #pantygate one last time. (Seriously. It’s possible.) We’re still at LVP’s Diamonds and Rosé party, where caviar and flower crowns seem to pour out of every orifice and the horses have glitter on their hooves. The majority of the episode is pretty dull. We experience the same conversations we’ve heard all season over and over and over again (see: Xanax, lack of underwear, iciness, junk boats), so why should tonight’s finale be any different? It’s not.

Rinna is frustrated that Eden didn’t back her up when she was being appropriately accosted by the women on the junk boat. Eden admits that when she’s in an uncomfortable situation, she tends to shut down, but boy, does that mentality not hold up tonight! While LVP is receiving some sort of rosé-inspired serenade, Dorit confesses to Kim (who’s using a vaporizer?) that she’s experienced Rinna’s wrath and thinks Rinna’s M.O. is to project her own issues onto others. Turns out maybe Dorit isn’t so bad after all.

The whole night is cliquey and awkward, with Dorit and Rinna going out of their way not to speak to one another. Peacemaker-slash-shoulder-bearer Eileen, though, wants none of this awkwardness, so she brings Kyle over to talk to her and Rinna. Dorit tells LVP how she’s been feeling ganged up on, so the two go over to join Rinna and Co. Because as we’ve come to learn from the Housewives, confrontations between two people are always best when done in front of a group. Dorit accuses Rinna of being mean spirited, Rinna (who, tbh, sounds super medicated during this whole exchange) accuses Dorit of spreading rumors about her Xanax addiction. The women all side with Dorit, but the whole thing is a snooze fest that we’ve seen in at least eight other episodes.

That is, until PK gets involved. He’s been creeping the whole time, peering at their conversation from the side of a wall like something out of a nightmare. Dorit and Rinna start yelling at each other to the point where Dorit tells Rinna to take a step back because she can smell her QVC breath. Rinna, who can’t stand being hated on — though you’d think that by now she’d be used to it — deflects by talking about #pantygate and Dorit’s behavior towards Erika. I was kind of surprised that after all that we’ve been through, Erika actually full-on participated rather than ignore Rinna’s comments. Maybe it was the pink wig, maybe it was all that rosé, but Erika claims that Dorit never apologized for #pantygate — not in Hong Kong, not ever. Cut to a Hong Kong flashback in which Dorit apologizes on her mother’s grave for the humiliation she caused Erika. I guess amnesia is contagious among this group.

Erika straight-up asks PK if he thought she was trying to seduce him (that’s disgusting) when she sat across from him, underwear-less, those many moons ago. He says no, because he doesn’t have a photographic memory, which makes no sense. It’s then that PK offers the dig of the evening, in which he calls Erika not just “inherently cold,” but addresses her as “honey,” which she shuts down faster than Mikey can scream out, “Yassss!” Eileen, truly stepping up to her peacemaker duties, tells PK that Erika isn’t cold — she’s lovely, sensitive, and warm. But disgusting, red-faced, sweaty PK interrupts her and tells Eileen that he doesn’t care about anything that she has to say. He’s the worst of them all. Even though PK is certifiably atrocious, Erika and Dorit make up. Erika admits to Dorit that “girl to girl,” she was really embarrassed by the whole thing, and despite the fact that it took months for us to get here and chimes of Munchausen now sound like a dream, it’s nice to see a resolution between the two.

That is… until Eden suddenly blows a gasket and absolutely spazzes out on Rinna, calling her a bitch. Eden is hysterically crying and says that she gave Rinna her heart. Hmmmm. The whole thing feels completely random, leading me to think that maybe something happened off camera that we weren’t privy to. Any ideas? It all ends with Eden stomping out of the party, hiking up her tulle skirt Cinderella style, and confessing to LVP that she’ll always be on Team LVP. And so a lackluster season comes to an end, with LVP winning, as she always does.

Predictions for the reunion:

1. Kyle will find a way to bring up the Agency
2. Camille Grammer makes a cameo but no one will notice
3. Rinna will mention Delilah Belle at least 14 times
4. LVP will imitate Dorit’s accent
5. Eileen will be boring
6. Eden will cry
7. Rinna will get eaten alive
8. Erika will be fabulous and show off some DWTS moves