The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: 'Boys, Blades and Bag of Pills'
It’s been a whole two weeks since we’ve had a party (yes, I’m counting Kyle’s game night as a party), and the Bravo producersknow there’s only so many festivity-less hours of Housewives we’re willing to stand for, so this week, I’m happy to report we get one. This week’s party comes in the form of good ol’ easy-on-the-eyes PK (guys, I’m kidding), who’s celebrating his 49th birthday. Dorit is feeling the heat of party planning — she wants there to be a “real pow” factor. Apparently, “real pow” translates to a surprise performance from Boy George — the man, the myth, the legend. Side note: What was with that creepy glam-shot of Boy George, Dorit, and PK on the staircase the editors cut to? Do the Kemsleys have those kind of photos with their children, or only Boy George? I found it a bit disturbing… Moving on.
Over in Mykonos, Erika (who’s rocking some very Jenny from the Block hoop earrings) and Kyle drink cocktails and discuss their booming careers and the support they’ve received from their husbands. We even get some flashback photos of Erika with Tom from 16 years ago that I found so surprising — there was no part of me that recognized Erika as the person she is today. Erika calls Tom (on speakerphone, of course) to thank him for everything he’s done for her — it’s a moment that feels staged, forced, and incredibly sweet all at once. Tom jokes that he paid extra money for the full moon that’s out for her performance and suddenly, I understand why LVP chose to “bonk” Mr. Girardi if she was to “bonk” any of the Housewives‘ husbands. The man is funny!
Back stateside, Rinna, Eileen, and Dorit put their peace plan to action and go on a rollerblading adventure. Dorit, who’s never rollerbladed before, begrudgingly puts on a helmet. (We already know how she feels about helmets…) For some reason, Eileen foregoes rollerblades for roller skates. Purple roller skates, to be exact. The whole thing feels very retro — as if any minute, Rinna’s going to lead the group in a jazzercise class. Dorit asks for Rinna’s blessing before she invites Kim to PK’s party and calls Erika to wish her good luck with her show. Is Dorit actually… considerate?
Cut to LVP, who I really feel could use more screen time this season. In true LVP-form, she’s invited Eden over for tea. I’m convinced that Eden is a chameleon. She shows up in an ethereal white dress with her hair down, and looks so much softer and utterly unrecognizable. Later on at PK’s party, she wears a super long ponytail (she didn’t seem like an extensions girl to me, but she is the daughter of a hairdresser, after all…). We’re no newbies to Housewives changing their hair in every scene, but there’s something about Eden where she looks like a different person every time. The two start talking about Eden’s love life, and it’s all very odd. Turns out, she ended a three-week relationship just two days ago because the man “attacked her.” Said attack? He called Eden “Type A.” LVP gives an eye-roll wrapped in classy pink Peonies and moves on to discuss her behavior with Kim at game night. Eden relays that she thinks Kyle enables Kim, which LVP quickly shuts down in .01 seconds because LVP is loyal to a fault and would never tolerate someone speaking badly about Kyle. According to Eden, Kim is struggling and, in a very dark confessional, says she can imagine Kyle ending up like her, having a sister who dies from an overdose.
NEXT: Party time
Back in Mykonos, where the sun is shining and nobody’s speaking about siblings dying, Erika Jayne’s concert is in full bass-thumping form. There are custom Chanel thigh-high Sarovski boots and strobe lights and the whole show looks pretty amazing, to be honest. I’d definitely pay to see Erika Jayne in concert. After the 3 a.m. start time, the Erika Jayne crew has a 6 a.m. afterparty back at the estate. Erika, decked out in a plunging leopard-print bathing suit, has an Instagram photo shoot while Kyle hangs back (until she doesn’t) and eats pasta. Kyle… eating pasta… at 6 a.m. I’ve never felt more connected to a Housewife.
Aside from two musical performances in tonight’s episode, we also get a first look into Eden’s home — it’s very sparse and woodsy and I love it. We meet her son, Tyler, who’s 11 and has a lot of energy. Rinna and Dorit come over to drink aloe and green smoothies. Rinna jokes (but is it really a joke?) about wanting to put a Xanax in her smoothie and proceeds to pull out a Ziploc bag filled — and I mean filled — with all kinds of pills. Sleeping pills, anxiety medicine, vitamins… it’s like a trick or treating bag in there. Eden thinks a Xanax-smoothie sounds pretty darn good — she doesn’t drink, but turns out, she’ll take pills. (Let’s discuss that in the comments.)
After all of that, it’s finally time for PK’s party. Dorit is stressed and as a result, is pretty mean to everyone around her. The flowers are awful! She could’ve picked them off the side of the road! She huffs and she puffs around the house in her cape-dress. She and PK come up with the very non-discreet idea to put up a large black curtain in the middle of their living room to keep Boy George and his band a surprise for their guests. They feign “water damage” for the reasoning behind the curtain — LVP, cunning as she is, knows this is B.S. (Side note: Dorit loses her phony accent with the word “damage”! Did anybody else notice that?)
Before the Kemsleys have their dramatic curtain drop, we cut to Kim talking to the other ladies, where she mentions in a very normal human emotion way, that she’s feeling nervous about becoming a grandmother. Eden lurks in the background looking all-knowing and assumes Kim’s feelings have to do with her own struggles, taking a completely normal, light conversation and molding it into something heavy and dark, and frankly, just not appropriate. Nobody wants to hear it — especially not Kim. Later at the party, Dorit — who honestly hasn’t been bothering me this episode — gossips to LVP about Rinna and her bag of pills. LVP is sick of Dorit getting in the middle of everybody’s business and stirring the pot. If we’re dealing with a pill addiction, this is serious and something to sit down and discuss — not gossip about, LVP tells her. And if we’re just dealing with vitamins, then why are you running your mouth? LVP has no time for B.S.
Boy George performs “Karma Chameleon” and I have to say, it sounds pretty damn good. “Oh my god, it’s 1984!” screams Eileen, and suddenly, I really wish she was in those purple roller skates again.