The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: 'It's Expensive to Be Me'
The best part about tonight’s RHOBH was that we got more Erika Jayne and Co. than we’ve seen in a while. I truly think that at this point, an Erika Jayne spin-off is exactly what this RHOBH-fatigued audience needs. The episode starts out in the best way possible — with a taping of Erika Jayne’s music video for “Expensive,” which means a strip club-esque set, butt cheeks, and Mikey screaming out “Yaaaaas!”
The second-best part about tonight’s RHOBH was Portia making her season 7 debut! She was as adorably sassy as ever, surprising LVP on Snapchat and saying things like, “Are we taking the Bentley, mom?” Aww. Where has she been hiding all season? More Portia, please.
Meanwhile, Eden and Rinna go shopping for lightning-bolt sweats (FYI, sweatpants with the heart emoji are O-V-E-R) and talk about what went down at Kyle’s game night. Eden says she felt no connection to Kyle, and Rinna reacts with surprise. “I will know her,” Eden says in a creepily determined way. And so, she arranges a lunch with Kyle and Rinna, who claims Kim is only “mostly” sober and is actually this close to dying. (Those are some fighting words, Rinna.)
Rinna thinks Eden could offer some sort of guidance to Kyle over their lunch because she’s Kim’s enabler. I say “lunch” loosely — Eden is on a cleanse and brings her own liquid meal to the restaurant. (I assume everyone in Los Angeles is used to that, but still … Isn’t it a little rude?) They get maybe three minutes into their “lunch” before Eden starts grilling Kyle about her mother and Kim, claiming Kim reminds her of her own sister who died of an overdose. ”
“Back up. I don’t even know you!” Kyle says — appropriately so — in her confessional. Kyle, who’s staring at Eden with a perfect resting b-tch face (again, I deem this highly appropriate) is confused as to how Eden would gather so much intel after one game night and effectively shuts her down. She’s not into talking about this and says everyone needs to move on.
Guys, I’m completely torn — who’s the bigger meddler, Dorit or Eden? I’m having a really hard time deciding.
Erika heads to Mykonos, where she’ll be performing for a measly 30,000 people. In addition to Erika’s 10-person crew (she rolls deep), Kyle comes along because as we already know, Kyle is fun, fabulous, and always down to rock a caftan by a pool. Turns out, Erika’s concert will start at 3 a.m. — way past Mr. Girardi’s bedtime. During rehearsals for “Expensive,” Erika’s zero-percent body fat crew throws her into the pool. Further proof as to why I’d rather watch EJ & Co. They’re just an all-around good time.
LVP has a very emotional scene this week in which she, Ken, and Max visit the adoption lawyer because Max is interested in learning about his birth parents. (I totally forgot Max was adopted … anyone else?) LVP retells the story of when she and Ken first picked up Max from foster care and his instant bond with Pandora, which only further emphasizes LVP’s heart of gold. LVP also admits she and Ken had tried to adopt four more children when they were still living in England, but at 35, she was considered too old, which is deeply upsetting. There didn’t seem to be any real conclusion to this scene other than some touching moments of compassion and love. Hey, I’ll take it! Anything beats #PantyGate.
And because Dorit is annoying AF — which admittedly makes for great water-cooler conversations — she cannot leave the Eileen/Rinna feud alone. (Though, who knows what they’re even fighting about anymore?) So, in a very formal way, she calls Rinna and Eileen and invites them to a “little girls’ chat.” Sounds like the last thing I’d ever want to participate in. Dorit, who’s wearing all white and a killer topknot, matches the restaurant perfectly and says she wants to resolve their issues.
Eileen and Dorit briefly butt heads, but Eileen ultimately apologizes and says she never meant to make Dorit feel uncomfortable. Dorit accepts her apology, and all three agree to push the reset button. While I don’t think any of these issues were ever Dorit’s problem to begin with, I do appreciate the fact that she wanted to resolve the non-issue issue. And I really do hope this means we’re done talking in circles, but this is RHOBH — so that’s a silly thing for me to wish for.
Until next week, which will include Boy George! I cannot wait for the shade that’s gonna be thrown.
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