The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: 'Backed Into a Corner'
Rinna puts her selective memory on display for the world to see
Happy Valentine’s Day! To celebrate the day of love, everyone on tonight’s episode had some sort of sobbing breakdown. We’re still in Punta Mita, Mexico, for the big party for the Agency, and Rinna has just arrived, and it’s hella awkward. Kyle is so pissed about what Rinna said about Kim that she can’t even be bothered to get out of the pool and greet her friend. In fact, she doesn’t even tell her where her room is. (Cool floating pool table, though!) Kyle later confesses that was the “Beverly Hills greeting,” which we’ve all come to know and love. I’m hoping it’s okay to use even though I live in New York City.
So about this Agency party: Is it just me, or does it feel oddly empty? It’s almost as if only the Housewivesare in attendance. Regardless, it’s still a good time — the toxic-looking green drinks are flowing, Mauricio is dancing on the bar wearing a sombrero — for, like, four seconds. Erika tells Rinna — who’s still completely clueless that Kyle is hardcore hating on her — that she and Kyle need to talk. “Why, is something wrong?” asks Rinna in the understatement of the century. Um, chyeahhh, something’s wrong. Rinna proceeds to put her inability to read a room on full display and goes right up to Kyle, despite the fact that she’s basically the host of the party, she has to hobnob with Mauricio’s clients, and this is absolutely no time to get into a confrontation. No matter. What Rinna wants, Rinna gets.
Kyle holds nothing back with Rinna. She heard Rinna has been saying some really upsetting things about her sister: Kim is close to death, she’s “100 percent not sober,” and Kyle is an enabler. Rinna feigns absolute shock. Her mouth opens so wide that she looks like she’s acting surprised in a game of charades… because she doesn’t remember saying that… AT ALL. Cut to our lord and savior, the Bravo producers, who flash to Rinna saying those exact lines, verbatim, to one Miss Eden Sassoon a few weeks back. “I do not ever remember saying that,” Rinna claims.
Rinna’s web of lies continues to spin completely out of control. First, she says that she was talking to Eden about Eden. Um, wrong. Then, she throws Dorit under the bus, saying that Eden ran her mouth about Kim to Dorit. (Now, I’m not one to defend Dorit under any circumstance, but don’t bring her into this. Just don’t.) Next, she says that Eden made all of this up herself and is twisting her words. And then she basically admits to saying it: “I didn’t say it in a hateful mean way, it if was said.” The entire sequence is the biggest game of telephone ever and basically boils down to this: Rinna is a big fat liar and delusional AF, or she seriously needs to start adding fish oil to that big ol’ bag of pills to help prevent memory loss.
NEXT: An ending you can never unsee
I actually feel bad for Kyle — she wants to give Rinna the benefit of the doubt because they’ve been friends for years and Eden is just some rando newb, but her sweetness is her downfall in this moment. Rinna tells Kyle she loves her and has her back, and Kyle seems to believe her. Whatever. Even if Kyle falls for it (for now, anyway), the truth will come out soon enough, even if we have to wait until the reunion. (Which will be glorious, by the way.) To quote LVP, “Time will tell, won’t it?”
Rinna, exhausted from covering up all of her backstabbing lies, starts crying and decides it’s time for her to leave the party. Mama Erika heads back to check on Rinna and Eileen, who’s come down with Montezuma’s revenge. Poor Eileen. The woman can’t seem to cut a break. Rinna slips out of her skintight party dress and into a zebra-print robe, which is much more appropriate for cyring. Erika begs Rinna to tell the truth. “I can’t tell the facts if I don’t know the facts,” says Rinna in her best Melissa McCarthy-as-Sean Spicer routine.
On a lighter note, the party stragglers head back to the estate and a giggly, drunken LVP — the best drunk of them all — teases that they should play a game of wife swap that night. “Who’s the unlucky f— who ends up with you?” asks PK. They all laugh it off, but I found it to be deeply offensive. PK is an animal.
Meanwhile, Rinna calls her dear Harry Hamlin to tell him about her s—show of a night. According to Harry, Rinna never said any of those words about Kim to him, and she tells him everything. So she must not have said it! Oh, Harry… if only you could see what we see.
Back stateside, we meet Eden’s mom, Beverly, who’s also a recovering alcoholic with amazing glowing skin. Bev basically tells Eden what we’ve all been thinking: Stay out of other people’s lives, and being around you is exhausting.
This emotional roller coaster of an episode (and by emotional roller coaster, I mean infuriation over Rinna’s lies) comes to one of the most traumatic endings in RHOBH history. In a post-party daze, the gang spends the day on a yacht and Rinna — who has managed to stay in everyone’s good graces for a few moments longer — decides to get on top of a table and dance to Erika’s “PAINKILLR” for everyone. She crawls like a cat. She goes full-on spread eagle. It’s something you can never unsee, and if you haven’t watched the episode yet, I urge you to turn it off two minutes before it ends. Trust.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills