The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Reunion Part Three
Prepare to dream sweet dreams of sleeping with sharks tonight because part three of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season 6 reunion is here, and they’ve clearly saved the best bits for last. Yes, we do mean the inevitable Munchausen showdown to end all uses of the term here and forevermore will happen, but also there’s an extra persnickety guest cameo coming in to introduce some salt to the various wounds (one word: ouch!), and we’ll finally find out what the Lisas next quarter century of knowing each other will look like.
So, feast on some gray camel meat — actually, don’t do that — sip on something bubbly, and enjoy all the most savory bites of WHAT the RHOBH are dishing out to end this crazy season.
LVP SPILLS THE BAD BEANS
Last week ended on a teary-eyed cliffhanger as Andy Cohen gave the floor to Lisa Vanderpump to open up about the abusive relationship she’d mentioned in her blog. Part three, predictably, picks up right where she left off, muttering “once” through ragged, sobby breath in answer to whether or not her former flame had ever hurt her. “Once, then twice, then I left him,” she adds. “But over a little time. You know what? I don’t think I’ve cried about it since it happened. And I don’t think I’ve even dwelt on that.”
Andy Cohen presses the issue to question why it is that she brought it up on the blog platform later on instead of sharing with Eileen to help forge a little friendship fire between them, but LVP explains that at the time she hadn’t talked to hubby Ken about it. “My husband was there. I didn’t feel like it was the right time.” Fair enough because victim-shamers to the left, but it still seems like her tears might be just a smidge too crocodile-ish until Kathryn steps in to confirm that she’s seen this elusive, super-sensitive side of LVP before, so her emotion here isn’t just for the cameras.
BACKSTABBERY AND THE THE C-WORD
LVP’s still squarely in the crosshairs when it comes to the culmination of Erika and Kathryn’s tiff, too, because, yeah, they were talking about her. Or at least Erika was. Kathryn purposefully kept coy during their friendship-building meet-cute, and the reason was that she fully intended to tuck tail and run back to Mama Housewife (whom she may or may not have referred to as a “harmless old lady”) with all the juiciest morsels from the smack-talk sesh — yes, the infamous “sniper from the side” incident.
Is Kathryn sorry for double-crossing her at the very first opportunity? Yeppers. She might’ve originally snapped back “that’s on you” when confronted before, but now she agrees she “handled it wrong, 100 percent.” And how about that time she was super snippy with Erika’s husband the first time she ever stepped foot in her home? Yeah, that one was a facepalm, too. But this is all in the past because that one little hug-apology she gave to Erika to own up to her rudeness was plenty enough to start fresh. “Kathryn and I are on the road to a real friendship. We got off to a bad start. She apologized. I accepted. We’re moving on,” says Erika in the single most mature moment of the entire episode. (But for what it’s worth, Kathryn and everyone else for that matter still aren’t fully onboard with the use of “c–ty” as a routine adjective, but what can ya do?)
BRANDI BUZZES IN
No one’s more annoyed to see Brandi Glanville pop up on the screen with her wine-soaked 2 cents than LVP. Yolanda thinks it’s only fair for the cast-off to get her moment to speak since Kim Richards also had a shot, but the second she bursts in with all her “cheers, bitches” shenanigans, LVP’s eye-rollage reached extraordinary new levels, especially after she tags her as “a genius…at changing the narrative.”
“You were unfortunately a puppeteer for me. I did do your dirty work for you, and I’m sorry for that, and that will never happen again,” she promises LVP after calling Kyle two-faced (“You are one person when you’re around Vanderpump, and you’re a completely other person when she’s not in your life,” she said) and saying that Lisa Rinna is “nuttier than squirrel poo.” Wait, did she just make a solid case for her return? Nahhh…but maybe?
(Of course, it’s worth noting that the cutdowns the Housewives whip out after her airtime is done — ranging from “I don’t even follow her on Twitter” à la LVP to a well-timed “Who?” from Lisa Rinna — were masterfully delivered all their own.)
NEXT: What we’ve all been waiting for…
MUNCHAUSEN MUNCHAUSEN MUNCHAUSEN
After tonight, let’s never ever (ever) talk about this again, agreed? Because after tonight, it’s clear that the issue of who said it, when, and with whom is 1) soooooo tired by now, 2) never going to get resolved, and 3) not the least bit important because we all know Yolanda Foster’s dealing with Lyme disease and not this sympathy-seeking self-diagnosis mess.
The wash of tonight’s return to that fateful day reveals when Lisa Rinna talked about the syndrome, she was speaking directly to Lisa Vanderpump. LVP claims she heard Rinna say, “We all were talking about it,” but Rinna swears she asked, “Why didn’t you bring Kyle into it?” LVP assumed Kyle was already in the conversation, so she ran out and that’s when Kyle got brought into the conversation. “Yes, I was annoyed that my name got brought up,” Kyle admits, even above her admittedly undying devotion to all things Vanderpump. So there. Case closed. Never say Munchausen ever again, thanks.
For what it’s worth, Yolanda Foster is still not happy that pictures of her in her “toaster”-esque med gear were being passed around via group text for sport — “I’m glad you thought that was funny,” she snaps back at Kyle — and she’s certainly not happy that LVP’s mouthy hubby had such nasty things to say about her makeup-free appearance (major harrumph). But she’s determined to get well, and “keep going” is the entirety of her mantra right now, bad year or none.
A BEVY OF INSULTS
Yolanda Foster wasn’t the only one on the receiving end of Ken’s pickery this season; Lisa Rinna needs almost an entire hand to count all the crazy phrases he’s tossed out there about her — including but not limited to: “stupid bitch,” “silly cow,” “not the full ticket,” and “a wanker.” [Insert eyeball emoji here because WOW.]
The craziest thing is that LVP takes no responsibility for that whatsoever (although, is anyone *really* surprised?). “He’s going to have a reaction; what do I do?” she shrugs. Lisa Rinna says that if her hubby, Harry Hamlin, were to have said anything even remotely as derogatory about any of the women on the show, she’d be “appalled” to the point of nausea, but for LVP, it’s pretty much just whatever. Ken says what Ken wants to say, and that’s the end of it.
All that high-road traveling on the highway of insults takes a sharp turn against LVP, though, when the subject of her being dubbed a master manipulator comes up. Brandi’s already said her piece to that effect, but she’s not the only one who’s felt like a puppy on LVP’s gorgeously bedazzled string.
Rinna in particular has some experience in that department (namely being texted what to say about during the word-that-will-no-longer-be-spoken situation), and as a flashback to 2012 with Kyle comparing her friendship with Lisa Vanderpump to a chess match with Bobby Fischer shows, she’s not alone in that assessment. Apparently even Eileen’s chipped into the pile at some point, so LVP has no choice but to part with, “I’m just sorry if people think I’m manipulative,” promising to “listen, live, and learn” next time the subject of someone’s health comes to the table. Psssssht.
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WHERE THEY LAND
Don’t count on Lisa Rinna and Lisa Vanderpump to make nice with one another anytime soon. They’re both currently drawing lines in the sand that spell out “disappointed” and digging in heels behind them. No budging in sight.
Meanwhile, the season’s newbs, Erika and Kathryn, have gotten their proverbial money’s worth from signing onto this crazy adventure, and Erika, for one, seems amped for another round. “I knew it was insanity,” she smiles. “I’m insane, so why not?”
Cohen closes out by having each of the ladies literally spread the love by finding a one-word compliment for the person to her right, hoping to end things on a slightly happier note (kind of a too little, too late situation, but points for the idea), and they all manage their compliment circle duties with mostly straight faces as follows:
- LVP to Kyle: “F—ing” hilarious (That’s two words, but LVP’s a rebel, so…)
- Kyle to Yolanda: “Integrity”
- Yolanda to Erika: “Kindness”
- Erika to Kathryn: “Sweetness”
- Kathryn to Eileen: “Genuine”
- Eileen to Lisa Rinna: “Honest” (the second time she’s said that tonight, to be fair)
- Rinna to LVP: “Funny” (Does she mean haha funny? Or something else? Hard to know for sure. To be continued, obviously)