Lisa Vanderpump plays with balls, and Lisa Rinna celebrates a birthday.
Credit: Nicole Weingart/Bravo

I don’t know what you all said you were thankful for this past weekend, but I chose to think about the glory of RHOBH while stuffing my face with turkey.

So we open with Lisa Vanderpump, who welcomes a Dodger to her house to practice because she’s throwing the first pitch at the LGBT game. Pitcher/catcher jokes about the LGBT game seem awfully on the nose, but Lisa made about 10 ball jokes, so I think it’s safe to go lowbrow. Lisa admits she never sees Brandi anymore.

Lisa Rinna, my spirit animal, is seen at home welcoming an Oprah producer to her house. She weirdly is wearing tights that almost match his striped shirt. It’s oddly hypnotic. So she’s filming a segment for Oprah’s Where Are They Now, which Rinz considers the ultimate. I mean it’s not an Oscar, but okay let’s just go with it. The producer asks her to possibly do some yoga poses, which of course Rinz is fine with (see: Depends commercial). She’s cool with doing anything “except maybe a diarrhea commercial.” Her standards are impeccable as always. But she admits that she worries the diaper commercial is gonna haunt her forever. I mean it’s not un-memorable.

Eileen Davidson is busy at work on Young and the Restless. She reads her lines on a stationary bike much like Tess McGill going over notes in Working Girl. Also, in her confessionals she’s dressed like a saloon waitress.

Kyle is back at her store with the name I still don’t understand. I imagine it being a mix of Kitson and Zales. At one point, she tries on some rose gold/pink diamond sunglasses that are a big nope and also feel kind of like an homage to Dana’s $25,000 shades. She and Lisa have a lunch at Villa Blanca — I’m assuming because VB hasn’t gotten enough airtime as of late. They haven’t really hung out with Yolanda, and Lisa seems a little skeptical that Yolanda actually has Lyme disease. This feels like a big story for this season… especially since I’ve seen the trailers, and it’s a big story for this season.

Kyle’s still got a rough relationship with her family because she’s now making a scripted series about her childhood, which is ruffling feathers. And Kim, obvs, is struggling with many issues.

Poor Yolanda is still battling Lyme disease, but damn does she look cute doing it. She at least gets to Facetime with her gorgeous model daughter Gigi. But like where the eff is David Foster? (Now, today’s news of them divorcing makes more sense since.) Yolanda is alone and then has to turn to the mother of Cody Simpson — Gigi’s ex! Also, she’s now in a condo with really severe blinds! And I’m very concerned she no longer has her walk-in closet refrigerator. It’s sad watching her struggle. But also WHERE ARE HER LEMONS?!?!

Rinz goes shopping with her daughters. Um I’m obsessed that her daughter is working at a deli “making toast.”

Eileen is decluttering her house!!! It’s a holiday miracle. She admits that Brandy calling her décor “American Psycho” made her rethink things like her old cigar boxes and angel candy bowls.

Later, they all go out to dinner for Lisa Rinna’s birthday. Yolanda is dressed in all white, which appears to be her new look, but everyone is aghast that she’s not wearing makeup. You’d think she looked like Charlize Theron in Monster. “I don’t care what anybody said — she didn’t look good,” Ken says. “She looked terrible,” Ken also says. Ken would not stop talking about how bad she looked. It was like the woman had horns. I mean, Ken, you have a man perm.

All in all it was kind of a snoozy episode. I hate to say this, but I miss the loon duo of Brandi Glanville and Kim Richards. Hopefully this new gal will up the cray factor.

What did you think of the season 6 premiere?