The ladies head to New York while Eileen hits up a luggage store
Credit: Bravo

Another week, another shot of tiny ponies. And another super-boring RHOBH. This show pales in comparison to Vanderpump Rules. I wish these ladies could spend a little more time at Sur. They could learn a few things from Stassi and Scheana and Schmitty and Sassy (confession: half those names are made up).

The episode gets off to a non-bang with Yolanda FaceTiming everyone she knows and once again discussing her Lyme disease with the blinds drawn. Then, we watch Kathryn get a hearing aid. LITERALLY THIS IS THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF THIS SHOW.

Next up is a cancer fundraiser at Camille’s house, who, to be clear, is no longer a cast member on the show. That’s how bad things have gotten — we’re spending time with people who’ve actively left the show. More annoying is that there’s not even like a cameo appearance by psychic (and Housewives frenemy) Allison DuBois or her electronic cigarette.

At the event, Rinna and Yolanda have a weird encounter while Yolanda is scarfing down a box of fancy noodles. Rinna feels weird about Yolanda spending time with Brandi and Kim instead of coming to Erika’s party. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS LAST WEEK. Also why are we not filming this sit-down with Brandi and Kim?!?! That’s the most excitement we’ve heard about all season. Sigh.

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Anyways, Yolanda gives zero f—s about Rinna’s concern for this, and I sorta agree with her. Like, if she wants to hang out with those two, she has every right. Especially given that with the other group, she’d just get stuck talking about Munchausen or too-small animals or Alene Too.

The next day, Vanderpump begins planning a march against a Chinese city called Yulin that one day a year tortures and eats dogs. Helping her in this protest is Ken and then some like 20-year-old dude in a deep V-neck. Fittingly, the protest’s official T-shirt is also a deep V. #WeHo

NEXT: The ladies head for NYC

Most of the ladies then decide to meet up again for dinner. How many meals a week do you think this gals have together? This place though is in Malibu and looks super cute. It actually looks a little classier than your usual Real Housewives location. Kyle brings up the fact that Mauricio just went to Dubai and loved it and suggests that they take a girls trip. Did no one here see Sex and the City 2? I mean, I’m guessing that Kyle by Alene Too sells the DVD. Going to the U.A.E. clearly did not work out well for those ladies, so why are we repeating this. And so help me God, if someone says “Lawrence of my Labia,” I will quit this show for good.

At the dinner table, there’s kind of a fight, but honestly, I’m still not really sure. It starts off with Eileen trying to talk about Vanderpump being manipulative, and then it sorta turned into an odd discussion of who’s a leader (Vanderpump, Kyle) and who’s a follower (Rinna). But no glasses were thrown. Voices were hardly raised.

The next day was the Yulin march, which ended up being led by Lisa and Kyle and Rinna, none of whom apparently has Google Maps. The group of protesters ended up in front of a church instead of the Chinese embassy, which I’m sure was quite awkward and confusing for the church parishioners.

By the end of the hour, Kyle, Erika, Kathryn, and Yolanda have boarded Erika’s private jet for New York. Meanwhile, Eileen and Rinna are hanging out in Santa Monica Luggage Company. That is where Eileen believes she’s going to upgrade her janky bag situation. A place called Santa Monica Luggage Company.

In New York, Yolanda and David stay at something called the Jewel Suite at the Palace, which looks awfully Vegas-y and is full of displays of jewelry. On the plus side, it has one helluva roof deck and a hot tub (Erika is most psyched for this). Yolanda gives a nice speech about friendship and the support of her husband, David. He gets approached by a friend at the party and asked if he and Yolanda are doing better. Well, I think we all know how that ends. Hey, at least they weren’t at Santa Monica Luggage Company.