The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: 'If These Woods Could Talk'
The ladies finally arrive on their glamping trip to do fun outdoor activities and call each other out.
Ah, the joys of camping and immersing in nature! If only the Housewives of Atlanta could see the pastime’s rejuvenating benefits. Instead, they’ve made it into an all-out war zone. Picking up right where we left off last week, the ladies are in a party bus heading to the glamping campgrounds, and the tension between Kenya and Porsha has already led to a yell fest for the ages. Apparently Porsha’s anger management classes are still open for discussion, and Kenya won’t let go of the fact that she sees no change in her frenemy’s behavior.
Thankfully, we kick off this episode with a calm handling of the situation. Cynthia pipes in as the peacemaker to ask how Porsha’s anger management is really going, and just like that it’s all settled. Now, to the actual glamping! The ladies arrive at the luxurious cabins to check in, and the front desk clerk reminds them to watch out for deer, squirrels, and snakes. On top of this, Marlo drops a bomb: She has some gas issues, and whoever bunks with her will have to deal with some smelly trouble. Because Kandi, Porsha, and Shereé each brought an uninvited guest, the room count is off, so everyone has to buddy up — leaving Shereé to deal with Marlo’s tooting.
Alone in their cabin, Shereé decides to mention that someone in the group is rumored to be a lesbian — or, as she puts it, someone is “dipping into the lady pond.” She tries to keep the source anonymous, but Marlo immediately asks if she’s talking about Kandi. Shereé says that she really hates how the ladies have real issues with one another but act all friendly when they hang out. To Shereé, the rumors Porsha and Phaedra have been throwing around about Kandi hooking up with Shamea are just another example of stabbing a buddy in the back while kissing them on the cheek. Shereé’s plan is to bring up the rumors during their upcoming campfire session of “Ask Marlo,” but first, the ladies have to pack up their belongings again and head out to the real sleeping arrangements in the woods.
No one but Phaedra seems pleased with the tent sleeping situation, especially upon learning they all have to put up their own tents to get the “full experience,” as Phaedra likes to put it. What should have taken five minutes to accomplish spirals into a one- to two-hour event, ending with everyone piled around the fire to roast marshmallows — and each other, apparently. Porsha’s sister Lauren gets “Ask Marlo” going by asking what the deal is with Marlo and Kenya’s strained relationship. Kenya, of course, looks annoyed, but Marlo gladly airs her grievances, explaining how Kenya left her out of a birthday and housewarming party. Kenya argues that she “apologized multiple times” for what happened, but Marlo doesn’t recall such sentiments. The back and forth gets even more heated when Marlo says, “Her own mother won’t even talk to her,” which sends each of the ladies cowering for cover. Kenya just shuts down, while Phaedra quickly steers the conversation toward a positive discussion on making this trip a team-building exercise — not TEAm building.
The next morning, everyone heads back to the cabin area to get ready for day two of bonding time, as planned by Kenya. When they all sit down for some salad and lunch, the pending divorce between Phaedra and Apollo takes the spotlight, with everyone speculating as to why the process is taking so long. Kandi says she heard it only takes 60 days for a divorce to go through when one party is in jail, but Porsha steps in to defend Phaedra, stating that Apollo never wanted the divorce to be finalized, and that’s why it’s taking so long. Trying to squash it even further, Cynthia shifts the talk to her own divorce from Peter — she believes they’re close to signing. While Cynthia is understandably upset over the situation, the rest of the women take turns reminding Cynthia of her beauty, grace, and strong will in the midst of it all. Finally, some real team-building!
The first activity for the day is some nice kayaking on the lake. While Porsha and Kenya each get their own boats to leisurely float along the water in, the rest of the ladies team up in three-person paddleboats. Hazel, Kandi, and Marlo take one out together, and despite the fact that Kandi isn’t able to help paddle, they make their way around with no problem. Next up are Cynthia, Shereé, and Lauren, none of whom can handle it when water gets in the boat. Shereé screams bloody murder seeing various lake-dwelling bugs swimming around near her feet, and she forces the group to paddle back to shore. All in all, it’s a semi-successful activity, but Kenya has another one up her sleeve that divides the group pretty quickly.
NEXT: A rumor about Kandi is exposed
Taking the ladies to a 100-foot tower, Kenya explains that they all will take turns strapping into a cord and jumping off the tower to (hopefully) land safely on the ground far below. Shereé, Cynthia, and Phaedra nope out of the group right away, but the rest climb to the top to take on this big hurdle. Kenya goes first and lands fairly nicely on the ground, giving everyone hope that it won’t be too bad. Kandi takes the leap and actually manages to do a graceful bow as she lands, showing up everyone else with their awkward landings. Porsha goes last, and despite crying the entire way down, she lands on her butt and is just happy to see the ground again. Running on the high of actually getting along, everyone heads back to the cabins to get glammed up for a candlelit group dinner.
Fresh and ready for some grub, the ladies descend on the beautiful table to reminisce about the day’s events — and, of course, get into some good old fightin’! Kenya kicks things off by apologizing for inadvertently hurting Marlo’s feelings by not inviting her to past parties, which Marlo gladly accepts. Then, in a shocking twist, Marlo apologizes to Kenya for her awful “mother comments” from the night before. Kenya is touched — that is, until Marlo says she’ll move forward “with caution.” Then Marlo decides to really ramp up the awkward conversation by outright asking Kandi if she is a lesbian.
Everyone looks shocked by the question, and Kandi seems the most confused of all. Marlo clarifies that she heard the rumor from specific people in the group, which sends everyone into a fit trying to defend themselves. Even though Phaedra and Porsha were the two who started the rumor, they both clam up, hoping Shereé won’t reveal what they did. Phaedra just starts chugging wine to calm her nerves, while Porsha plays the fool and continually asks, “Who did it?” with a shocked look on her face. Shereé finally calls out Porsha, and everyone crack ups having to watch Porsha pretend to be surprised. Getting back to the actual insinuations, Shereé tells Kandi about when Porsha said, “She’s still in the closet.” Kandi shuts it all down, saying she’s “done things” with women in the past, but now she is strictly for her husband. She adds that Porsha has her own experiences in the same area and won’t own up to it.
Realizing that nothing will get resolved sitting around this table, the group divides into smaller groups to go off into separate cabins and break down the drama. Kandi vents her frustrations to Hazel, Kenya, and Cynthia, calling Porsha an “aggressive lesbian” when she gets drunk. Meanwhile, Porsha, Lauren, and Phaedra get upset over Kandi insinuating that Porsha has ever done something sexual with another woman. Hypocrisy seems to be running rampant in that room, no? In a final blessing, we a get a tease for the rest of the season, which reveals more triumphs, fights, and tears, plus the return of a former Housewife.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta