TV Show
S10 E5
December 04, 2017 at 12:43 AM EST

Sheree says that she never heard Kenya say anything about Kim’s son, but the Bone Collector is happy to relay the quote to Kandi when breaking down the fight for her. Kandi immediately assesses that it doesn’t sound like something Kenya would say, but the more important news is that Sheree is asking Kandi to come on her “healing” San Francisco trip. Kandi isn’t keen to leave her kids again, but when she hears that Kenya and Kim are both supposed to be going, as well as potential blowup partners Porsha and NeNe, she’s in.

Sadly, Kenya’s paternal grandmother who raised her as a child has just passed away, so taking trips with any women who recently threw glass at her probably doesn’t sound particularly appealing. Cynthia comes over to comfort Kenya, and Kenya shows her a video of her grandmother telling the story about how she took Kenya when her biological mother wanted to give her away. And y’all, when that sweet little woman says, “That’s MY baby!” I had a nice little cry.

But there’s no time for human emotion on RHOA, only an ever-barreling train of wig throwing, drama serving, and a subtle thrum of terror. Kenya ultimately does decide to go on the trip, so thank goodness Kim bows out, because I don’t want to see a grieving woman pushed to her extremes. I just want to see women in their resting mental state get pushed to their extremes. And those women are Porsha and NeNe. Porsha thinks that maybe she shouldn’t go on this trip because she’s vegan, which — nope, there’s no explaining it. She also learns what a beet is from her sister. Big night for Porsha.

NeNe decides she’s going to need some backup to survive this trip, so she invites Marlo to come along without telling anyone else, using the reasoning, “Everyone knows Marlo and everyone has an opinion about Marlo…so I will just keep Marlo a surprise and then they’ll just have to deal with it.” Sure. Accepting the invitation inside NeNe’s closet, Marlo raises a glass: “A toast to me coming and making those heifers gaga with all our luggage and all our fabulous fashions.” Gotta respect a woman who, when given the opportunity, raises a toast to herself.

And let’s raise a toast to Sheree, who is giving a Daytime Emmy Award-worthy performance acting like she intends for this trip to San Francisco to be anything but a disaster. And, you know what, how about another toast to Marlo for her upcoming performance in the “Get You a Friend” category that truly brought a tear to my eye.

You see, the core cast of ladies all meet up, fly to San Fransisco, and do a decent job at avoiding being awkward even though many of them are sworn enemies and/or falsely accused each other of sexual assault. Sheree opens up on the ride to the hotel, telling the other women that she is in love with an incarcerated man named Tyrone. Everyone is proud of her for sharing, and they do not seem concerned that she shared she was in love with a man who’s in prison, who also neglected to mention to her that he would be going to prison while they were dating. But by the time Marlo pops in for her surprise, wearing a straight-up negligee with only sheer lace paneling from the crotch down, it’s time to get down to business. Seeing Marlo, Kenya says she isn’t surprised: “Marlo would show up to the opening of an envelope,” which is hilarious.

Before anyone can even dive into the bread basket, Sheree’s all, So, NeNe and Porsha, you guys are mad at each other, care to explore? NeNe seems to be mad that Porsha has said things about her on Dish Nation after NeNe has been so supportive of her in the past. Porsha seems to be mad that NeNe said she and Phaedra shouldn’t be allowed back on the show after what they did to Kandi. But they both mostly seem to be mad that the other won’t admit they’re mad. An excerpt:

NENE: No, I’m not upset, you’re upset.

PORSHA: So you were angry.

NENE: No, so you are angry.

PORSHA: You were angry.

NENE: You’re the one that’s in anger management!

PORSHA: But you need to be!

NENE: You need to be!

As you can imagine, it’s rather difficult to follow. NeNe gets so worked up while screaming about how not-mad she is, her top knot bun starts to come loose, and without saying anything or distracting from the fight, Marlo just comes up behind her and redoes the bun. It actually looks better than it did in the first place. As the fight escalates, Marlo mysteriously pulls a chair over to sit in between Porsha and NeNe. I don’t know where this is headed, but fingers crossed it turns into a full makeover montage. “F— YOU,” NeNe screams at Porsha as Marlo subtly begins taking her measurements in the background.

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NeNe, Kandi, Cynthia, Phaedra, Kenya, and Claudia keep the ATL just peachy.
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