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What happened on Sunday’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta? To quote NeNe Leakes, “PLENTY OF THINGS.” There was the end of one fight, the beginning of another, and of course, a Housewife giving an explanation for going on a girls trip that if you play it backwards sounds like, The producers promised us business class and an Auntie Anne’s pretzel if we’d go on a trip to create drama.
What Sheree actually said is, “I think [the trip to San Francisco] could be good for the girls. We could leave all of our drama and beefs behind and just enjoy ourselves.” Sheree. SHEREE. I am perfectly happy with you being a producer’s pawn while cosplaying as Storm from the X-Men in your confessional, but everyone knows “girls trips” in the Housewives universe are the Petri dish in which drama and beef are created. You are not fooling anyone, Sheree, but I also respect you for that sweatsuit and puffer vest combo you wore to a nice dinner — game recognizes comfy game.
There is, of course, another petri dish in which the Housewives create their beef strains: the unnecessary theme party. That’s where we pick back up with certainly my favorite title card in the history of RHOA: “NeNe’s Girls and Gays Never Forget All White Party Seafood Soiree.” Kim is suggesting to Kenya that they have a dialogue (“LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING BITCH”) regarding Kenya’s comments about Kim’s entrepreneurial efforts with her daughter (pimping out said daughter in exchange for John Legend tickets). Kenya once more inquires where Kim might be hiding her penis because of the large erection she seems to have for the details of Kenya’s personal life.
It’s all very civilized. Well, except for the words and the actions and the glass throwing. This fight really has it all. Kim jumps out of her seat, saying, “You will not talk about my motherf—ing daughter; that’s where you crossed a motherf—ing line.” Kenya sits calmly on her couch while Sheree holds Kim back, and suddenly Kroy is in the mix, pulling Kim outside, but not before she throws a glass that shatters all over the coffee table. Kenya doesn’t flinch.
No matter your personal feelings about Kenya, you must admit that she came correct for this showdown. She was prepared, she was organized, she was calm, and she executed — and she didn’t even have to stand up to do it. All the while, Kim is flailing and screaming like a maniac, too distracted by Kenya’s comments to get in any of her own (unless you count every possible variation of “motherf—ing” as a sufficient read). But even as all of this is going down, it’s impossible not to be distracted by all of the amazing elements surrounding this throwdown, which I will now list in descending order of greatness:
3. Poor Gregg shuffling into the room when he heard the commotion. The man never asked for a Girls and Gays Seafood Soiree at his home, but he allowed it, and now he just wants to sneak a few scallops to take back upstairs while he watches his mystery stories and tries to avoid having a heart attack, only to discover that two women are shouting about bl– jobs and hard-ons in his living room.
2. I very much enjoyed NeNe and Gregg trying to clean up the mess in their living room after Kim threw the glass. These people are so outlandish at all times, I forget they have to do things like sweep and remember to buy more paper towels. Reality TV stars — they’re just like us (when our friends get in violent fights in our homes)!
1. Those two party guests’ perfectly shocked (and thrilled) faces staring through the window when Kim threw the glass. They are us. We are them. We are all blessed.
“Don’t mess with my man, my money, or my kids,” says Kim, the woman who started this by talking non-stop s— about Kenya’s husband. Cynthia says that she generally believes that no one should mention someone else’s child, “However, I don’t think Kim was going to leave Kenya alone until she got a response.” Which is actually a pretty astute observation — what was Kim aiming for, other than camera time? Well…it was probably just the camera time. And she got it, but probably not how she expected it. NeNe also believes that kids are off limits, “But you can’t be posting stuff about your own child sucking dick and then be mad when somebody else say she sucked a dick.” Ah, yes, the other Golden Rule.
NeNe is referring to the tweet that Kim sent to Chrissy Teigen saying, “sooo ur hubby is comin to ATL may19 & Kash is beyond OBSESSED w him! who does Brielle have to blow in order to meet him?? LOL.” Lol, indeed! That’s necessary context in order to understand why when Kim and Sheree go over to Porsha’s house just down the street to tell her what just went down, she says that Kenya said she pimped her daughter out for John Legend tickets for her “injured son.” The latter, we all know, Kenya didn’t say. But what are facts when it comes to tweet-related reads and John Legend tickets. (Recap continues on page 2)