I don’t know why I’ve never noticed that the Kandi Factory looks like a Chinese food buffet that was converted into an artisanal prison, but I’ve noticed now, so it’s no wonder that they’re in search of an overhaul of new employees. Carmon is returning to her former career in insurance, so Kandi is in search of both a personal assistant and a general manager for OLG who won’t do her like thirsty-ass Johnnie did. Sadly, Don Juan will soon be the only one who remains for quippy Recappin’ in Kitchens.
These things are important when planning a business, as Porsha is figuring out while trying to start a hair salon with her sister Lauren. I want to roll my eyes at her when she tells her business consultant, “What’s going to set [the hair salon] apart is that it’s my salon.” But yeah…SUR is in business because it’s Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant, OLG has waits around the door because patrons hope to catch a glimpse of Kandi, and Porsha’s hair salon would do just fine because it would be Porsha’s hair salon. AND FOR NO OTHER REASON.
That’s a good thing, because when Porsha and Lauren meet with their business and real estate consultants, they have no business plan or understanding of how they should manage this hair salon. The real estate consultant, Dale, endears himself to me forever when Porsha says she wants to open the salon in three months, and he looks her dead in the eyes and says, “I don’t think that’s going to happen,” with the tone of a real estate consultant who is not to be trifled with.
But real estate is the least of Porsha and Lauren’s worries when they can’t even agree on how they’re going to run their joint business. Lauren is feeling underappreciated and didn’t like the way Porsha was referring to “her company.” Lauren says that she does “literally everything,” but Porsha reminds her that she gets paid for that. Lauren responds, “Yeah but not what a normal person would get paid — I get paid what your little sister would get paid if she was doing it.” And I believe every second of that because Lauren has always seemed level headed, and Porsha seems like she would take advantage of a hide-a-key rock if she could figure out a way to do so. The sisters argue about who’s putting how much money in the business, and who’s putting how much work in, and that’s not looking good for Porsha considering how much she’s been citing family as her main source of happiness these days.
Luckily, Sheree is still in good standing with her familial crew: She and all of her gorgeous children are coming together to throw her gorgeous mom a ’70s-themed 70th birthday party. The moment Sheree says, “I’ve even hit up a party planner to help coordinate,” as she spends upward of $300 on wigs, you know things are about to go south. Sheree has hired a woman named Tiffany to coordinate her precious mom Thelma’s first ever birthday party, and you know what, I am perhaps as invested in this shindig as Sheree is. Her mother seems absolutely lovely and she deserves a wonderful birthday party…
For some reason, Tiffany does not agree. As Sheree stands with a 24-inch disco ball in one arm and an industrial-size bug zapper in the other, three hours before her mother’s birthday party at Chateau Sheree, Tiffany texts her, “There seems to be some tension and this has turned into a situation that does not align with my business practices.” She gives an address where Sheree can find the linens and peaces out of her party-planning commitment. Listen, I don’t often relate to the way a Real Housewife behaves, but if someone came between me and throwing my precious, beautiful, kind mother the birthday party she deserved, I would scorch the voicemail earth with even more fire than Sheree did when she told Tiffany’s inbox, “I’m about to tear the f— up because I’m not happy — I’M NOT HAPPY — that you would do this to my mother!”
And y’all. I nearly teared up when Sheree managed to pull off a lovely ’70s-themed birthday party for her cute mom. There were wigs galore, there was a three-tier cake, there was Kenya doing a vertical split during the Soul Train line. It seemed like an actual, bona fide good time for a woman who deserved a fun 70th birthday party. I don’t know if it was just the fact that I recently threw my own mom an important birthday soiree — sure, there were more petit fours than afro wigs — but I was a little emotional watching Sheree pull this off. It’s nice to see your friends succeed…
Do you look forward to seeing your friends call your other friends’ children mean names next week? Are you concerned about your other friend’s PopPop’s health? How many voicemails do you leave on your husband’s mailbox before giving up and letting him lead his own private life? Sound off in the comments, and I’ll see you here next week for our annual giving of Bravo thanks.