S10 E2
November 13, 2017 at 12:55 AM EST

Sheree, on the other hand, seems to be taking real, committed steps toward changing her life for the better. Tonight, she goes to see a life coach named Jack Daniels, and yes, I heard myself type that. Normally, I roll my eyes at any professional who chooses to go on a reality TV show, but Jack Daniels seems to be a pretty solid life coach. Sheree is there to deal with the verbal and emotional abuse from Bob that she’s been repressing for the last 10 years that was outed last season. She wants to get to a place where she can talk about it without crying, but Jack Daniels tells her not to be afraid of the tears. She also wants to be able to talk to her children about it since the Bob-related episodes will be airing, so Jack Daniels advises her to practice the conversation with some friends.

Kandi has a whole extra house they can use for the conversation role play, so she hosts Sheree and her friends. As mentioned earlier, I am not interested in a show about Porsha’s family, but I am looking out for a show about Sheree’s friends, who are described as, “Greg who’s got your back, Michelle who has good advice, and Kiki who is going to give it to you straight up.” And they do! After some role-playing and some tough questions, Sheree’s ultimate message is, “We can’t let anyone kill our spirit or break down our confidence of who we are.” My only regret from these scenes is that Jack Daniels could not have given Sheree the life advice to unload the emotional baggage of that electrified Sia wig she has parked on her head.

If only I could role-play as someone who didn’t have to watch Kenya complain about her husband being overwhelmed by all the media attention while she actively films a reality television show. Now, listen, I wouldn’t want Kenya to quit RHOA for a man if she doesn’t want to or anything. But I also wouldn’t want her to dupe that man into marrying her knowing full well what it would be like for him as a private person. And, okay, let’s just say they can maneuver past all of that: DON’T MAKE IT YOUR STORY LINE!

Perhaps Kenya is also regretting her narrative decision because she gives her pal Brandon a call from her closet to tell him how overwhelming all of this has been for her husband Marc. Of the haters, Brandon says, “Let them kick rocks and go suck a f—-ing eggroll, and cut out the noise,” which is a directive I’m going to be thinking about for a long time. Cutting out the noise for Kenya involves freaking out, and suddenly we’re seeing producers rush into the closet, a fourth wall break I don’t recall ever seeing on RHOA before. Through the closed door we hear Kenya weeping about how people are coming out of the woodwork to try and break them apart, and it’s too much for Marc. The producer tells her, “He has to fight the fight,” which suddenly makes me want a Housewives spin-off of UnReal desperately. Kenya sobs, “I don’t want to get divorced.” Do you not want it bad enough to not make it your story line?

Finally, the Housewives who are friends with Friend-of-the-Housewives Shamea head to her bridal shower. That includes Porsha, whom Shamea has been best friends with since childhood, and Kandi, whom she has gotten close with over the last year. The thing is, Porsha and Shamea have been distant since that time Porsha let Phaedra insinuate that Shamea and Kandi were hooking up (insert anatomically inaccurate hand gesture here), while Shamea and Kandi are currently thick as thieves (insert Phaedra bugging her eyes out here).

The other thing is that since Shamea is not a Housewife I know well, I’m just not that interested in all of this.  The bottom line is that Shamea’s wedding is in Africa and Porsha isn’t going. And, y’know, since it’s a wedding on a different continent, that’s probably fine. Except Porsha is clearly lying about why she isn’t going, allegedly blaming it on not being able to pay $10,000 on a First Class ticket at first, and then at the shower, saying that she can’t go for health reasons, a.k.a. she passed out getting a manicure one time so now she says she has Vasovagal Syncope.

Vasovagal Syncope…consider yourself googled. Shamea and Porsha arguing in a car because Shamea put Porsha on blast for making excuses in front of Kandi…consider me not particularly entertained. Game where you put a bunch of ping pong balls in a Kleenex box, tie it to your friends’ butts and make them twerk the balls out…consider yourself noted for future parties and events. What did you think of season 10’s second episode? Where was Nene? Would you let your 17-year-old daughter go meet her boyfriend in Charlotte for the weekend like Cynthia did? Place your bets for the duration of Porsha’s baby-veganism in the comments!

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NeNe, Kandi, Cynthia, Phaedra, Kenya, and Claudia keep the ATL just peachy.
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