The Proposal (TV show)
Hi, America! Remember the good old days, when the idea of someone marrying a stranger on TV seemed like the height of our country’s depravity? Ha ha ha ha ha ha, me neither [stifled sob]. Anyway, welcome to week 2 of The Proposal! (Actually, welcome to week “future episode that had to be subbed in for week 2 because that episode featured an alleged pervert” of The Proposal!)
Last week, a California cop named Mike got “engaged” to a lady named Monica (good luck, you crazy kids), and this week, it’s a woman’s turn to choose a lifelong mate from a group of randoms selected by a “blue-ribbon panel of matchmakers.” Let’s meet the mystery woman: Ashlee Hewitt, a blonde divorced mother of one from Nashville! She’s also a ghost who plays guitar.
Ashlee is a country music singer, but most of her songs lately have been about breakups. Will one of The Proposal’s 10 men be able to change her tune? Also, this woman has a child and she’s going to bring a stranger home as her fiancé? Consider yourself judged, m’lady. Anyhow, let’s meet the men!
Jeremy Cohen, 26: This digital marketer from New York City loves God, but he also loves attention. “I want to be the instagram couple that everyone looks up to,” he says. “I want her friends to be jealous.” Um, what would Jesus post?
Jordan Coon, 33: He’s an ad agency producer, and he’s so “unique,” he plays hockey! In Southern California! Groundbreaking.
Leo Malamud, 34: This dude has the audacity to list his job as “real estate tycoon.” Anyone else want to bet he works at Century 21?
Samuel White, 27: He’s a law student, an entrepreneur, and a wedding DJ! Some reality TV contestants can’t even manage to have one job, but this dude has three.
Paul Bupte, 27: An “assistant colorist”? So… a straight man who does hair? Forget hockey — this is unique.
Side note: So far these introductions aren’t nearly as funny or disdainful — or disdainfully funny — as the intros for the women last week. Come on, Team Proposal — surely you can find some embarrassing personal details from these guys that equal the hilarity of “When she isn’t writing or speaking, she’s tending to her massive collection of dolls.” I’d accuse this show of being sexist if it weren’t so glaringly obvious already.
Nate Hampel, 29: He’s cute. Seems like a decent candidate, unlike…
Evan Camacho, 25: From the crowd-hyping to the ill-fitting suit to the fact that he includes “Lord of the Rings-loving guy” as part of his introductory sales pitch, this pilates instructor is more “last round of Bachelor in Paradise” than “husband material.”
Terence Chen, 31: This adorable research scientist lives in New York, so if Ashlee doesn’t pick him I may try to track him down and set him up with one of my single friends.
Tyson Faifer, 37: So I guess we’re just using “entrepreneur” now for “unemployed”? Also, did he accidentally buy his tux in the big-and-tall section? He’s swimming in that jacket!
Sam Windell, 29: He’s a “country boy at heart,” so surely the country singer will give him a shot?
And the first round cuts are…
Sorry, men whose names I already forgot! (And Terence.) Ashlee has chosen to move forward instead with Jeremy, Jordan, Leo, Sam the law student, Evan, and Sam the country boy. Somebody get a hose for the audience, because it’s time for the beachwear competition. (Next: A tale of two Sams)