“This is the worst vacation ever!” Mindy screams toward the end of this episode, where she visits Peter and Lauren in Austin for five days right after finding out that Danny is dating again. She’s not wrong: On this vacation — which she booked when she was drunk and didn’t even remember until Peter called her right before she was scheduled to head to the airport — Mindy falls into a pool (twice), gets rejected by Peter and Lauren’s sexy pool guy, inspires that same sexy pool guy to quit, gets involved in a fight between Peter and Lauren, and, perhaps worst of all, shares a room with a large pet lizard named Martin.
The drama begins when Mindy goes to drop Leo off at Danny’s and finds a beautiful woman in his apartment. She arrives in Austin ready to have sex and forget all about it, which is fortunate, because the resident pool guy, Diego, is, as previously mentioned, very attractive. And Mindy is very… inappropriate.
Basically, she’s extremely offensive, so offensive that when she leans in and says, “I can’t believe I’m about to hook up with the pool boy,” Diego scoffs and immediately leaves. As Lauren later clarifies, he’s not a pool boy; he is “the preeminent water feature designer of the Southwest.” Get your terms straight, Mindy.
After getting rejected, Mindy heads to the store to pick up some popsicles for baby Henry (she left them out and they all melted), and finds Peter there watching Grey’s Anatomy on the dozens of screens in the TV section. Turns out, Peter’s been spending his mornings here and then going home to hang with Henry in the afternoons — and Lauren has no idea. She doesn’t watch TV, so she doesn’t think anything of it when Peter comes home and tells her about how dramatic Meredith and Derek are being or how Izzie’s brain tumor is progressing.
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His lie isn’t malicious, though: He just really, really likes hanging out with Henry. That’s a good thing, because Lauren later reveals that she’s pregnant with another kid. He’s come clean; she’s come clean. Everything is good! Except Mindy’s still upset about the whole Danny thing.
NEXT: Peter and Lauren have some confessions to make
Before Peter and Lauren’s big fight-turned-reunion, they have Diego over for dinner so Mindy can apologize to him. She tries to… and then continues to alienate him. For example, when he says he went to Yale, she thinks he says he went to jail. Mindy evidently needs some more Latinos in her life. Then the blowout happens, and Lauren forces Mindy to leave the premises so she can scream at Peter without any reservations. Hopefully poor Henry has some baby-sized earplugs?
As she’s walking along the road, Diego spots her and picks her up. The two end up having an open, honest conversation about moving on after a breakup. And this time, she sincerely apologizes for, as Lauren says, “sexually menacing” him. Sex won’t make this better, he tells her. Nothing will. He would know: He and his wife divorced two years ago.
Then Mindy heads back to the house to mediate Peter and Lauren’s fight. That’s when everything comes out, and afterward, Mindy’s stuck in the hallway with Peter’s homemade pumpkin bong and no one to smoke with (except for Martin the lizard, of course). Diego’s back though — and ready to have sex with Mindy. She almost says yes, then remembers what he said about sex not helping, about needing to be surrounded by people she loves right now. So even though he’s sexy — so sexy that he tells her if he ever visits New York they’re going to have to spend the whole time in her apartment because he hates big cities — she says no and goes to eat ribs with a newly happy Peter and Lauren, hot preeminent water feature designer of the Southwest be damned.
“This was the longest week ever. We brought more babies into this world than a mid-level rapper.” —Mindy to Morgan
“Why is it so hard to find one single, sane, rich, hot cunninglingus addict in New York City?” —Mindy
“When I found out my ex-wife was dating again, I cut her face out of all our family photos and then blended them into a smoothie and drank it. I know, total cliché, right?” —Diego
By the numbers:
Median weight in Texas, according to Peter: 300 pounds
Time it takes Mindy to go through all of Lauren and Peter’s drawers: 1 hour
Pumpkin bongs: 1
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