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January 11, 2016 at 01:48 AM EST

Well, get me some headphones and some fabulous sunglasses because, much like Alicia, I just CANNOT with all these emotions. Eli’s confession has put Alicia on a very dangerous, very emotional path: She’s rethinking her entire life. What if she’d said yes to Will when they were at Georgetown? They’d be living happily ever after and he’d be alive, that’s what!

Okay, so maybe not. But the point is that Alicia will never know … and neither will we. And that’s why it’s acceptable for all of us to throw on some sunglasses, blast some music, and tune out the world. But before I do that, I promise to finish this recap. I just can’t promise that I’m writing this from a place of emotional stability.

Here we go…

We pick up right where we left off with the words no Good Wife fan will ever forget: “Six years ago you got a call from Will Gardner on your voicemail and I erased it,” Eli tells Alicia. He proceeds to tell her that Will’s voicemail said that he loved Alicia and “would give up everything” to be with her.

As we saw in the show’s midseason finale, Alicia’s reaction is to tell Eli to “get out” of her apartment. Except, that’s only the beginning of her reaction. When Eli refuses to leave without explaining, she stands so quickly that she knocks over her chair and nearly throws her dining room table at Eli. But he still won’t go.

Calmly, Alicia begins pulling plates out of a hutch. She separates them — the ones that she likes and the others? — and then begins chucking the latter at walls that are very close to Eli’s head. She does this until he gets to the front door, where she shatters all the remaining plates, beautifully mirroring the shattered pieces of the life she could’ve had.

With Eli gone, Alicia returns to packing in her room. Finally breaking down, she screams, sobs, and then gathers herself. She has to pack for the Iowa caucus. She has things to do.

That’s when Jason knocks on her door. Before he left, he wanted to give her some information he’d found on Jackie and Howard’s prenup. Apparently Howard has $2.2 million hidden away in a company. From the instant he sees her, Jason knows something’s off with Alicia, but what he doesn’t realize is that any chance he had with her might’ve just evaporated — at least temporarily — because right now, all she can think about is Will.

Next we see, Alicia is on Peter’s campaign bus in the middle of Iowa. But she’s found her coping mechanism: Wearing sunglasses, listening to loud music in her headphones, and reading Jane Eyre so that no one will bother her. Even her children — yep, Zach’s here! — have trouble getting her attention.

When Ruth and Eli begin debating whether Peter should attempt a Full Grassley — visiting all 89 counties in Iowa by 5 p.m. — he asks his wife’s opinion. Alicia simply says to do what Ruth wants. And when Lucca calls Alicia asking for advice on how to handle the Jackie-Howard prenup situation, Alicia, once again, shows no interest. Translation: She just had her world turned upside down and she doesn’t care about anything.

NEXT: “I think if I could go back…”

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Julianna Margulies, Josh Charles, and Chris Noth star in the legal/family drama.
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