Everyone's celebratory plans fail miserably

By Lincee Ray
December 14, 2017 at 09:25 PM EST
Michael Yarish/CBS
type
  • TV Show
Network
Genre

The holidays are always a fun time to watch The Big Bang Theory. A few seasons ago, Sheldon ditched opening day of Star Wars: The Force Awakens to show Amy how much she meant to him by starting a tradition on her birthday. There’s nothing like the slow burn of annual coitus to get into the holiday spirit! And last year, Halley was born, introducing a new, albeit purposely absent, addition to the core group.

This year, things are slightly different. Halley is 1 year old and remains offscreen along with her bedridden mother. Howard and Raj are determined to stay in a fight. Leonard and Penny struggle to figure out what they are doing with their lives (I’ve been wondering too), and Sheldon is preparing the best birthday Amy has ever celebrated. Sadly, instead of blissful love making, the night ends in horrific puking.

I blame the pork fat. Although Sheldon is an adoring boyfriend who wants to make an authentic frontier meal for his Little House on the Prairie-obsessed girlfriend, he never considers the distress chewable tree garb might have on one’s digestive system. Let the record show that Amy is ALL about her log cabin amenities, but once the candles flicker down to their wicks, she realizes that something more than butter is churning. Could it be the sharp cramps of pending coitus? Negative. Cue Sheldon running to the bathroom, while Amy hustles to the kitchen sink.

As they lie in bed, their faces the cold gray color of Pa’s pitchfork, Sheldon suggests they get on with their birthday tradition when the clock strikes midnight. It’s officially Amy’s birthday! Amy agrees to do the deed as long as Sheldon doesn’t touch her. Then they both pass out.

While Sheldon and Amy fight to keep what is outside on the inside, Raj and Howard straight-up fight. Raj is still mad that Howard is always mean to him, but when Howard doesn’t invite Raj to Halley’s birthday party, all bets are off. Raj is done. Since he doesn’t have his best buddy to plan the festivities, Howard looks to Uncle Stuart to fulfill Bernadette’s wish list.

When Stuart ditches Howard in favor of a freebie colonoscopy, Raj finds Howard on his doorstep begging for help. Raj agrees for three reasons: He’s Halley’s godfather, he slays at event planning, and he has lots of leftover favors from Cinnamon’s last party. Plus, he has a bounce house guy on speed dial. Bust out the pink balloons and flowery petit fours. Raj is on this!

The party is a huge success, minus the fact that no one shows up from the Daddy and Me class Howard takes Halley to every week. That’s probably because he goes to the movies with his daughter to bond instead of a play date full of strangers. Howard claims the party is a disaster and Raj takes offense. There’s only one way to settle this argument once and for all: a bounce off.

Clearly there’s nothing a fake Wonder Woman bounce house can’t fix. Perhaps Leonard and Penny should take a few bounces, because their lives are the equivalent to one big yawn compared to Leonard’s brother, who, according to his Christmas form letter, is changing lives in Rwanda. Leonard decides to write his own Christmas letter filled with all of his accomplishments. However, “still employed” and “still married” doesn’t have quite the zip he was hoping for.

Penny calms her husband down by reminding him that their lives are great. There’s no need to rush into buying a home or having a baby. There’s plenty of time to do that. In the meantime, they can stay skinny and count the money they have in their savings account. If “keeping it tight” and “having dolla dolla bills, y’all” isn’t letter worthy, I don’t know what is.

Theoretical Laughter
AMY: Tomorrow is my birthday. I can’t wait until midnight.
SHELDON: You’ll be glad you did. Everyone knows the best foreplay is rigid adherence to a strict schedule.

SHELDON: Oh no! I left the food out!
AMY: Are you afraid it’s going to go good?

Sheldon, Leonard, Penny, Raj, and Wolowitz, Amy, Bernadette—the gang keeps growing. Bazinga!
type
  • TV Show
seasons
  • 12
Genre
Premiere
  • 09/24/07
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