We’ll have to wait until the rose ceremony to see if Becca bought his story, because right now she’s got another mission: Figuring out why Jake, a dude she’s met many times as an acquaintance but who’s never showed any interest in her, is suddenly hot to make her his wife. Jake insists that he only remembers meeting her once — yeah, that’ll make her feel better! — but our Bachelorette is not letting him bamboozle her. “I’m not 100 percent comfortable with knowing that we’ve met multiple times in the past, and [you] just not really having any interest [before],” says Becca, adding that she doesn’t want to “constantly question” his intentions. “I don’t want to waste your time, and I just don’t know if I see it at the end.”
Rather than responding like a gentleman — something like, “That’s disappointing, but I respect your decision” would work — Jake insists on mansplaining Becca’s own feelings to her. “It sounds like you might be hanging on to a different me, when I was at a different point in my life,” says Jake. “I’ve had a very transformative year. I’m a new Jake.”
Whatever, pal. New, old, recycled, it doesn’t matter — she wants you to go. And finally, he leaves… though I’m still pretty sure he doesn’t understand why.
Bye, buddy — see you never! (Or week 6 of Paradise, whichever comes first.)
When all the “drama” dies down, it’s back to business. Wills, the “closet nerd,” shows Becca his “expecto patronum” tattoo and assures her he’ll be a guardian for her heart. (Anyone else having a major flashback to Ali’s season, with Mr. “Guard and Protect Your Heart” himself, Kasey?) Colton, meanwhile, takes his one-on-one time to tell the Bachelorette about his non-profit organization. But ultimately the FIR goes to Mr. Minivan himself, Garrett.
Clink clink clink! It’s “that time,” fellas! We’re almost done with our first step in Becca’s “journey.” On to the rose ceremony room! And the first rose goes to… Oh, no.
Yikes. Moving on: Blake, Rickey, Jean Blanc, Christon, Clay, Wills, Connor, Jason, John, Ryan, Alex, Nick, Trent, Colton, David the Chicken Guy, Jordan, Leo, Mike Man Bun, and Chris the “sales trainer” also get roses. That means we have to say goodbye to Chase, “Social Media Participant” Kamil, Joe, Darius, Christian the creepy banker, and Grant.
Would you like to see any of these guys on Paradise, rose lovers? I wouldn’t mind seeing Joe the Grocer again at the very least. And is it just me, or did that almost look like a legitimate ambulance situation in the “this season on The Bachelorette” super tease? Either way, someone or something keeps pissing Becca off this season — bad news for her, good news for us.
Post your thoughts below, rose lovers. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to pour some tea.