Happy two-on-one date week, rose lovers! Honestly, I think the whole reason Team Bachelorette brought Becca to Las Vegas this week was to ensure they could leave either Jordan or Chicken Man sitting on an incongruous bed in the middle of the desert. But I’m getting ahead of myself, apologies.
We open with the guys arriving at the (promotional consideration provided by) Aria Sky Suites in Vegas, where they dutifully hoot and holler over their massive penthouse digs. Becca shows up briefly to give the guys a tour and pop some champagne — dates aren’t until the next day, so something tells me Aria execs insisted on incorporating the Bachelorette herself into the show’s promo package.
The first date of the week goes to Colton, who gets all gussied up in a plain blue T-shirt and jeans… which at first irritated me, but then I saw their date activity:
Camel safari, y’all! Colton is less than enthused — no doubt he expected some big high-roller adventure — but at least the camels take them to a middle-of-nowhere-hot tub. But… isn’t it hot out? Whatever.
“I feel like we’re on the same page,” Becca coos. That night, they put on clothes (Colton’s shirt has a collar!) and head to a fancy dinner at a restaurant called Sage. Colton tells the Bachelorette all about his last relationship, “a little over a year ago,” which ended sometime after girlfriend failed to say “I love you” back. Though he’s only been in love once and it was not reciprocated, Colton wants Becca to know that he’s still very much ready to find a soul mate. “You’re making it easier for me to take my walls down,” he says. And she LOVES it. Get in there, Becca, and give Colton that date rose, and then ride that double-decker bus down the Strip like the tourists you are.
The group date arrives, and Wills, Garrett, Blake, John, Connor, Leo, Lincoln, Jason, and Chris pack into a Hummer limo for an excursion that takes them off the Strip to… the Winter White House! Just kidding, there is no such thing. It’s Wayne Newton’s palatial Vegas estate. And of course, Mr. Las Vegas himself arrives on horseback, and is introduced in slo-mo.
That’s right, Connor — it’s Wayne f—ing Newton! Stop staring at his weirdly smooth face and listen to him sing “Danke Schoen” his lovely wife, Kathleen!
“Find that thing within you that helps you write lyrics of what you’d like to sing to Becca,” Wayne tells the guys, before sending them out to roam the grounds of Casa de Shenandoah while coming up with new, Becca-based lyrics to “Danke Schoen.” That said, I don’t know how any of them are supposed to hear themselves think over the sound of Wills’ flamboyant floral romper.
Seriously, that romper is so loud, even the peacocks are like, “Dude, take it down a notch.” (Next: The dreaded two-on-one date)