Jesse misses a chance for kisses; only DeAnna and Graham in a hammock -- and some desert four-wheeling -- gave this show a pulse. Bring on the hometown dates!
The Bachelorette: DeAnna
Credit: Craig Sjodin

In a Bachelor/Bachelorette first last night, we got a mid-series ”Tell All,” which was the first hour of our two hours together, and it couldn’t have been less interesting. Am I being harsh? Maybe I’ve decided that, like DeAnna, I don’t want to lead you TV Watchers on, like it’s been done to me. DeAnna’s desire to not do this has become a constant with every episode and almost every decision, it seems. We’ve come to expect two things from The Bachelorette this season: (1) DeAnna being brutally honest and (2) DeAnna crying. There may not have been any tears last night, but it looks like there will be waterworks next week as the preview showed DeAnna second-guessing a decision. I wonder whom she was referring to?

I’m also left wondering if DeAnna really spells her name with a capital ”a.” On the date note she sent Jeremy, her name was clearly spelled without a capital letter. Now you might try to tell me that production assistants write those notes. To which I’d respond, ”Well, if Miss DeAnna can take credit for nearly every aspect of the production — ”I’m keeping all six of the guys here in Palm Springs all week,” ”I had a vintage convertible waiting for us to get to dinner” — then she can surely sign her own name to the date card. She’s even got the guys believing these dates are her ideas. Last night Jesse said, ”She knows how to pick her spots and where to take us.” Instead of a mid-series ”Tell All,” give us a look behind the scenes at DeAnna making all these plans!

The ”Tell All” didn’t tell us much: She’s got six very different relationships with six very different guys, and it’s not easy, but she’s confident her husband is in the bunch. We at least got to see a new side to Twilley: He started a real-estate software company in college, his dad played professional football, and he likes to draw. Jeremy likes to race motorcycles. And Sean likes to break boards with his feet because he was on the small side as a kid, and his parents signed him up for kung fu lessons in response. He’s also a bit of a dandy — with ”nothin’ but name brands” in his five-bedroom house, as well as a tanning bed and a sauna — and he lives a block away from his folks. Best of all, though, we learned Sean got his haircut at the suggestion of ousted hairdresser/philosopher Ron, who offered to ”modernize” the man. Why, oh why did they wait to show us that footage?

NEXT: Looking for a kiss

At least the ”Tell All” gave us a chance to get to know Twilley and Sean a little more before DeAnna dropped the ax on them. Though Sean and DeAnna had a very romantic one-on-one date (from here on out roses are not given out during one-on-one dates, to every guy’s relief). They ate dinner on the top of a mountain in Palm Springs, and then DeAnna invited Sean back to her room for dessert to see if there was any chemistry, and there seemed to be some — if it had been a rose date, she said she would have given him one. Still, she didn’t do that when it came time for the rose ceremony. (Who’s zooming who?) And did anyone else think they heard DeAnna refer to Sean as ”John” in one of her confessional interviews. I rewound that again and again, and it definitely sounded that way to me. Maybe it was that thin mountaintop air.

Oh, and speaking of mountains, the ”Tell All” gave us another look at ”America’s favorite Bachelor family” (or so Chris Harrison called them): Trista and Ryan and baby Max. But I think I’ve seen all that footage already. The only thing new was Trista telling us she feels like she has a bond with DeAnna (both were rejected, both went on to be bachelorettes). She also thinks DeAnna’s doing a good job, and, oh yeah, she thinks Graham’s hot. No big surprises there! Unless he blows it, I have to believe he’ll be in the final two. DeAnna’s connection with Graham is undeniable (even Jason feels it). He makes her feel like a ”different person” when she’s around him, and she gets giddy butterflies. I think those feelings will be nearly impossible for her to squelch even if he remains emotionally distant. All the other guys are tripping over themselves to spill their guts to DeAnna, and all he has to do is get her in a hammock.

The group date this week was four-wheeling in the desert outside Palm Springs, and DeAnna tore it up. No doubt she was ready to let loose after worrying that Twilley, who suffered from motion sickness during their helicopter ride together, was going to throw up on her. Our bachelorette proves every week she’s a fierce competitor who has a need for speed, and someone who gets woozy sick would never be able to keep up. However, a professional snowboarder can, and Jesse turned her on for the first time this week as he showed off his mad four-wheeling skills — ignore the failed wheelie that left him spread eagle in the sand. (Her way with a four-wheeler didn’t go unnoticed by Jesse either.) She was ”sick” about him all day, which I think is a good thing, and looked forward to a kiss during alone time, but the snowboarder managed to blow it! At least twice there was a perfect lull in their conversation where he could have gone in for a smooch. He would just start talking again. And this guy is supposed to be a daredevil? Where’s his daring? I don’t know who was more disappointed, DeAnna or me. This episode could have used a lot more hubba-hubba, something to make up for the yawner of a first hour. By the way, TV Watchers, I called this potential problem between Jesse and DeAnna last week. And our bachelorette is feeling it too; maybe she and Jesse are more on the friend tip.

NEXT: One on one

The same has never been said about Jeremy, who got his first official one-on-one date last night. That hasn’t kept the other guys from being jealous of him all along because he sure has managed to spend a lot of quality time wooing DeAnna. Jeremy is ”that perfect guy,” according to DeAnna. ”I want so badly to fall in love with him.” Does that mean there’s something holding her back? Or is that noncommittal Bachelorette-speak for ”I am falling in love with him.” I’m still not a member of the Jeremy fan club. He’s smooth, yes. A good dancer, kissing her after a turn without missing a beat. But awful at karaoke. And maybe just a little too reserved. Oh, if only we’d have gotten to see him on four-wheeler! I’d just like to see him really cut loose. (Yes, he put the pedal to the metal during the stock-car date, but I don’t think he broke a sweat or got one hair out of place.)

There was no cocktail party before the rose ceremony this week because DeAnna had already picked the final four and didn’t want to (yes, you guessed it) lead anyone on any longer. So she cut Twilley, who took it very well: ”I know I’m a great guy.” And she kung-fued Sean, who finally stepped up his GQ factor with a sharp dark jacket and crisp white shirt, but as he said, he didn’t get his horse in gear soon enough.

Next week are the hometown dates, which are sure to hold more excitement than this week. Will Jesse finally make a move? Will Graham be able to survive his mother’s declaration that he doesn’t usually last more than four weeks in a relationship? What bad choice had DeAnna all broken up in the previews? I’ve got a feeling it’s either Jeremy or Jesse. Lastly, what did Sean’s ”walking around with a loaded handgun” metaphor mean?

Episode Recaps

The Bachelorette

One single woman searches for her future husband amid a sea of studs in this romantic reality series. Will you accept this rose?

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