The Bachelorette recap: Exposing Yourself
Confessions abounded on last night’s show, so I’ll start off by admitting that I’m having trouble committing to DeAnna. I believe in sisterhood, but when DeAnna’s smile goes turbo and her lips stretch just a little too deeply into her cheeks, I just get a fake feeling. Would she and I ever be compatible as friends? In high school, I lived on the fringe of the ”popular people,” and more than once wrote editorials that questioned their power and privilege at school. I knew them, they knew me; some of us were good friends. Others felt it necessary to bring up said editorials at our recent 20th high school reunion. (Guess I made an impression. I stand by my opinion, though, that ”Beauty and Brawn” was a silly, archaic award that had no place in ’80s high school campus culture.) I keep finding myself wondering whether DeAnna would have been a member of that elite. I just don’t know yet. And I don’t know what this confession will get me.
But real estate attorney Jeremy’s dugout confession to DeAnna at the Dodger Stadium group date helped get him another week of living in the mansion with our bachelorette. To spice up things this season, we got a new rule: The three bachelors who are given roses on dates get to stay in the main house with DeAnna, while the other shlubs have to bunk down (literally, in bunk beds with cute cowboy sheets) in the guest house, which also lacks an indoor shower. And that is the second spicy new addition: The guest house only has an outdoor shower — without doors. Can you imagine if they tried that during a season of The Bachelor? (Do you think that could be something they’re contemplating?) Anyway, of course pool-diving, bikini-wearing Canadian Paul was the first to give the shower a try. (Cue the black bar to obscure anything scandalous.) In next week’s preview, we saw the bachelors go on Ellen and drop trou at her command. They all had Ellen boxers on, so we’re still family-friendly. I’m wondering which of the guys, if any, will be the first to complain about being objectified. Ryan’s the first to come to mind, but the self-described nonconformist is out of the race. By the way, did anyone else find it curious that the virgin envied Jason’s close physical proximity with DeAnna during the magic-box disappearing act?
Anyway, back to the confessions. Ryan confessed to all the guys he’s a virgin. Jason confessed to all the guys he’s got a 3-year-old son, yet he hasn’t yet told DeAnna (that will happen next week, or so it appeared in the preview), and he expected this pack of testosterone-filled competitors to keep his secret? Didn’t he say in the first episode how important it was for him to tell DeAnna? He seems like a good guy, but how will DeAnna take the news, and will she find it troubling that he’s waited to tell her? I’m sure she’ll seem totally cool with it for the cameras (as she did last night with Ron’s divorce), but what will she be thinking inside? We’ll just have to wait and see. (Speaking of Ron, can someone tell me what ”soul swapping” is, which he said he and DeAnna experienced after some alone time, and is there any risk of communicable disease?)
Back, finally, to Jeremy and the night’s biggest confession. In the Dodger dugout, he told DeAnna that both of his parents are dead and that he’s had a hard time opening up because he’s trying to protect himself and his family. DeAnna, whose mother died of cancer when she was 12, now has someone who knows what she’s experienced. Jeremy’s position on the show, and maybe even in DeAnna’s heart, seems secure. Is he for real? The rest of the guys wonder, but that could just be jealousy rearing its ugly head. Or their increasing anger could be fueled by Jeremy’s poor sense of Bachelorette etiquette. For example, on rose-ceremony night, with his own rose firmly pinned, he interrupted poor, awkward Twilley as he was making a last-ditch effort to earn DeAnna’s goodwill. (Twilley could sense that DeAnna might not be getting the ”Twilleys”; earlier in the night, he had tried to prove his passion by reciting a long-drawn-out, stage-hogging fairy tale, which definitely wasn’t the fairy tale DeAnna said she was hoping for so many times in the first episode.) By the end of the night Jeremy had ticked off just about everyone, so he took a dive (or so he claimed) in the push-up competition, allowing Jesse to win some DeAnna time.
NEXT: Style no-nos
Jesse is to be admired because he’s not going to change for anyone. So even though every one of the bachelors wore a suit and tie to rose-ceremony night, Jesse threw on a T-shirt and blazer. That’s just who he is, but he still felt it necessary to explain that to DeAnna (who wore a lovely, draped blue gown). But his forthrightness paid off with a rose at the end of the night. And his fashion faux pas surely wasn’t the biggest of the episode. Being a football player does not excuse the headband Ryan had on while hanging outside with the guys. Martial-arts master Sean has clearly spent too much time in his kung fu gear and not enough shopping for suits, evidenced by the shiny, gray-on-gray striped ensemble he wore on the magic group date. (On top of that, while he was having private time with DeAnna, the poor guy got served by a player piano that ”mocked” him and wouldn’t let him get a word in edgewise.) And chef Robert should leave the pop-collared pink polo shirts to Ed Westwick’s Chuck on Gossip Girl. (Discussing his lack of skills at baseball, Robert had explained that his strengths are basically limited to ”the kitchen, dance floor, or bedroom.” Eww.).
Favorite moments of the episode included Tommy Lasorda hosting the Dodger Stadium group date, delivering a rousing pep talk to DeAnna’s suitors, and giving relationship advice to our bachelorette. I also loved it that good-guy Chris gave his all while murdering the national anthem in what the show teased as ”the most embarrassing moment in Bachelorette history” and then later upped the ante by calling it simply ”the most embarrassing moment ever!” (Really? More embarrassing than personal trainer Greg ripping off his shirt and howling last week, or that buzzed blonde slipping her lace thong into bachelor Matt’s waistband last season on The Bachelor?)
How about you, TV Watchers? What great moments have I forgotten to mention? Does anyone else think that self-proclaimed geek Richard may be a wolf in nerd’s clothing? (To paraphrase: Men give women they like flowers, DeAnna. So here’s a paper rose. You’re not the first woman I’ve made one for, but you’re the best.) Is anyone else shocked that Twilley’s still around? Do you think he’ll last beyond next week? And could Graham have seemed any less interested while sitting on the beach with his arms crossed next to DeAnna on their one-on-one date?
One single woman searches for her future husband amid a sea of studs in this romantic reality series. Will you accept this rose?