4. Season 5 (Jesse Palmer)

It’s the Bachelor episode host Chris Harrison looks forward to all season, because he finally gets to do something. Only, this time, he didn’t do enough.

After the women were introduced — and Amanda and Noelle received the loudest applause — Harrison focused his attention on Stacey, the Human Muppet who gave Bachelor Matt her panties on the first evening. Were Harrison Jeff Probst, she would’ve been forced to say why she did that — was it a premeditated attempt to secure screen time or a spontaneous decision fueled by alcohol (a substance that curiously, was never mentioned, even though Stacey passed out on a bed before the rose ceremony). All Stacey said is that she’s actually a sweet person, who wanted to stand out from the other 25 women (actually, that’s the other 24). Yes, she’s embarrassed to watch the footage of pantygate and of her never-before-seen smiling threats against the other ladies and their loved ones: “They’re all whores. I’ll f—in’ kill ’em all and their whole families.” Does it make it laughable or more disturbing that she’d apparently repeated that sentiment throughout the night?

Stacey eventually issued a blanket apology to anyone she may have offended, which is something Marshana (pictured, with Harrison) would never do. I’ve always wondered what happens when a Mean Girl watches a teen movie that portrays her kind as evil — does she get it? The answer is no. I do think Marshana believes what’s she saying: she’s not intentionally setting out to hurt others, she’s just being herself and they can choose to love her or leave her. But the bottom line is, if you respect other people, you do what you can to get along with them. Marshana’s uncompromising nature is just as condescending as Robin saying “I’m not there to make friends.” Just be decent no matter where you are.

addCredit(“The Bachelor: Greg Zabilski”)

Robin was the first lady to sit in the hot seat, and she said shetook on a “superhyperactive competitive role” because she’s been burnedby women in the past — and the women she was up against were amazing.Amanda, who kept her use of the word like to a minimum, wasable to express what everyone dislike about Robin: She kept referringto the show as “a competition” and saying, “I’m gonna win.” No one wasconvinced she was there for Matt, which made it doubly hard to watchher steal their time with him. Here’s what I don’t get: If Robin hadbeen as into Matt as she said she was, she would’ve had questions forhim tonight. I mean, the man totally led her on before her last roseceremony, and all she said to him as she was leaving was “Bon soir.”I’m not buying it.

Amanda, on the other hand, actually impressed me during this hour.She was fair: After Harrison got into Marshana and Chelsea’s wordbattle — or what some people (meaning: Harrison) have called “the most dramatic fight in Bachelorhistory” — she piped up to say that rooming withMarshana, she saw more to her than the person who shouts “Walk off” and”You’re dismissed.” She was entertaining: She said she actually thoughtMatt choosing Chelsea over her was a prank — his way of getting back ather for her fake parent routine. (That would’ve been awesome, if not anincredibly cruel joke on Chelsea.) Plus, she was real: she admitted thatshe still had no idea what went wrong with Matt, especially after he’dtried so hard to make fake dad believe that he cared for her. I wishengaged and “extremely happy” Matt would have led with the closing ofhis explanation — he’s sorry she got hurt, but he just felt he had abetter chance at lasting love with Shayne or Chelsea — and not saidthat spiel about Amanda using the word “like” more than “love.”Amanda shouldn’t waste time wondering what would’ve happened if she’d”opened up more” — she told the man, after a handful of dates, that shethought she could be with him forever and didn’t want to imagine herlife without him in it. To me, that’s a pretty strong signal thatsomeone’s into you. Amanda should have no regrets. She’d alreadylearned the moral, she preached: People need to know how you feel,because they’re looking for love just like you are.

Did you get the closure you needed? I’m still wondering:

• So Kelly sounds that way even when she’s sober?

• How often did Matt witness Amanda’s meeps?

•If Marshana felt good about leaving Matt because people like Noelle andAmanda were still in the house, how does she feel about Chelsea andShayne being his final two?

• Does Carri regret biting a can in two, which she did again?(By the way, the off-camera producer asking her if she was saying she’sa “Swedish hooker” or “sweet as sugar” was my favorite blooper.)

• Does redheaded Michelle P. regret the singing?

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