The Bachelor Fantasy Suites recap: Intimacy issues
This week, rose lovers, everyone’s favorite Woman Who Deserves Better, Madison Prewett, finally got to feel what we’ve all been feeling about Peter “bad decisions” Weber this entire season: “I’m so frustrated with him. I’m so mad at him!”
Same, girl. So very extremely same.
Fantasy Suite week happened, and it was a big ol’ mess. Let’s recap!
We pick up back at the world-famous Camarillo Airport (or maybe it will be, after this), as Madison pulls Peter aside for a post-rose ceremony chat. It’s very chilly outside, but Peter fails to give Madison his jacket. He also fails to understand, at first, what she’s trying to tell him.
Madison’s actual quote: “If next week you were to, like, sleep with somebody else, it would be really hard for me to really, like, move forward in this.” Peter’s actual response: “So what are you, like, saying? Like, if I were to just like spend the night with someone else, this is not something that you could do?”
Correct! The Bachelor points out that it’s “not necessarily fair” to the other women for Madison to be dictating (heh heh) what happens on their Fantasy Suite dates. And that’s probably why Madison is reluctant to spell it out (“in no way do I want to, like, give you, like, an ultimatum”), but Peter needs an answer. Does he have a Fantasy Suite hall pass or not? “For me, actions speak louder than words,” says Madison. “I’m just really big on that.”
If that were true, honey, you would have been long gone weeks ago. Anyhow, Peter is frustrated himself, because the other “ladies” have said they’re in love (or falling in love with him), but Maddie hasn’t — and now she wants to take his hot Fantasy Suite sex away, too! “This next week, we’re going to have to make some really tough decisions,” sighs Peter. Who’s “we,” buddy? I’m just going to be sitting right here on my couch, watching you flail. On to the dates!
Peter and his potential brides pack up and head to Australia’s Gold Coast, which is a truly gorgeous place. But I guess they must have a shortage of hotel rooms, because…
First Madison walks in, thinking she’s just going to do the standard “stroll-n-stare” move for the cameras, but soon she’s joined by Hannah Ann, and then Victoria F. “Wait, are you staying here too?” Madison asks. Yes. Yes, she is. And as you might imagine, none of the women are pleased.
Can you imagine the conversation that went on amongst producers about putting this diabolical plan into motion? Like, “Guys, these women still have a nanoparticle of dignity left. How can we change that? Oh, I know — rather than letting them sit in separate hotel rooms while they wait for their boyfriend to bang two other women and decide which of them he likes best, let’s make them hang out together in the same suite!”
It’s a masterstroke of cruelty. Bravo, Team Bachelor. Poor Madison tries to make small talk (“How did your guyses hometowns go, were they good?”) but all she gets are silent nods from Hannah Ann and Victoria F. (LOLz.) The only thing that could make this even worse is if Peter showed up without actual pants. Oh crap…
“I know that this week is definitely a little awkward and weird,” notes the Bachelor, before pulling Hannah Ann for the first overnight date of the week. That, too, was awkward and weird. I’m sensing a trend here, rose lovers.
Peter and Hannah Ann ride jet skis, and then smooch, and ride jet skis some more. “There’s no questions, there’s no doubts, I just want to keep this going,” says Peter of his “relationship” with Hannah Ann. “I can really see this,” he tells her later, as they relax on the beach. And she assures him that she’ll make the “sacrifice” of sending him off to sleep with two other women and have “patience” while he makes his decision. “I believe in us.”
At dinner, Peter and Hannah Ann sit at an uncomfortably small table with creaky chairs. The Bachelor reminds Hannah that he is falling in love with her, and she reminds the Bachelor that she will let him “do what you have to do” to make his decision. With all that said, I don’t really need to tell you that when Peter pulls out the Fantasy Suite card envelope from under his placemat, Hannah Ann is very happy to accept the offer. (Even if the old-timey brass key that came with it definitely would not open any door in this fancy hotel.)
Back at the women’s quarters, Madison is feeling a little squirmy. “It is weird that they’re probably getting ready for their dinner portion right now,” she notes. “They’re ready to go to bed!” replies Victoria F. “She’s definitely going to say yes to the Fantasy Suite.” It’s all very “hard to think about” for Madison, as this excellent video segue implies.
You know what I’m having a hard time thinking about right now? The fact that Hannah Ann and Peter are still wearing their shoes when they lie down on the bed! GROSS. Also, is this Peter’s hand? Hannah Ann had her back to the door, so it has to be…?
Why do I suddenly want to watch Titanic?
The next morning, producers make sure that Madison and Victoria F. are sitting the living room when Hannah Ann (who was given a change of clothes, thank God) strolls in after her overnight date. The awkwardness is intense and almost palpable.
“It went really well,” says Hannah Ann sheepishly. Victoria’s all, That’s great, but now it’s my turn!
And so it is. Peter begins the date by addressing their last conversation, a.k.a. that tearful fight in front of her parents’ house. “I want you to know that I trust you,” says the Bachelor. Dude, WHY? She never gave you any actual answers or explanations about Merissa’s claims. She just browbeat you into dropping the subject. WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS, PETER?
The duo then climbs into a helicopter for a romantic aerial tour of the Gold Coast, though they seem to spend more time making out than looking at the scenery. “The passion is 100 percent there,” says Peter. “There’s obviously that fire. Some people might think there’s too much of it, but for me, I’m actually attracted to that. It’s never going to be a boring relationship.” It’s also never going to be a relationship, buddy — but I think you know that.
Peter’s hoping that on today’s date, he and Victoria can fix their one eensy-weensy, teeny-weeny problem: Any and all types of communication. “There’s really important conversations that need to be had between the two of us,” he says. “We have a lot of catch up to do right now.”
And catch up they do, though it’s a lot of “remember when we fought in front of your parents’ house and it was really uncomfortable?” Peter doesn’t dare tread back into the “so wait, did you break up a lot of relationships?” territory, because that would ruin the very tentative peace he’s now enjoying. And besides, he just wants to make it to the Fantasy Suite unscathed.
Over at the hotel holding pen, Madison just has to tell someone — anyone — that she can’t stop thinking about Peter’s Fantasy Suite fornication status. “Peter sleeping with anybody else definitely makes me feel uncomfortable,” she tells Hannah Ann. “And that’s just kind of like what I voiced to him.” If you’d like to know what Hannah Ann thinks of this news, look no further:
“I was thrown off by that. We knew what we signed up for!” marvels Hannah Ann in her confessional. “I knew going into this week was going to be uncomfortable.” God bless Hannah Ann (and any reality TV contestant) who remembers the first and only rule of the genre: We knew what we signed up for. I like Maddie, she seems like a nice woman, but she’s also been on The Bachelor this whole time. Sure, she probably didn’t really think beyond “a few weeks free vacation” when she signed up, but by now she’s had plenty of time to either a) come to terms with the reality of this reality or b) leave. As Hannah Ann says, this whole thing is “truly madness.”
Hey, speaking of madness, it’s time for dinner with Peter and Victoria! And Victoria wants to communicate… about the importance of communication! “Communication’s probably, like, the biggest thing in a relationship,” she says. Victoria also wants Peter to know why she’s so bad at communicating, and it should come as no surprise to any of us that she blames it on someone else. “My past relationship I was in, it was like three and a half years long, and I was never really, like, asked about my feelings in it,” explains Victoria. So now, when Peter asks about her feelings, she gets defensive. “I’m like, ‘Wait, why is he asking me that? That must mean there’s something wrong.’”
Hmmmm… are we buying this explanation, rose lovers? (Don’t answer that.) It doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not, because Victoria reverts back to her volatile ways almost immediately after saying it. She asks Peter to spell out what he needs from her, and so he answers: “I need that 100 percent confidence in knowing that I can always count on you, and always lean on you.” In other words, don’t throw a tantrum and walk away every time something bothers you.
(Side note: I almost passed out when Peter said, “There’s nothing you need to work on at all,” until I realized that he just paused in the middle of the sentence. The full statement was, “There’s nothing you need to work on at all… when we’re not faced with issues.”)
Peter also wants to know how Victoria’s old boyfriend made her feel like she “wasn’t good enough,” but she can’t really articulate an answer. (Shocker.) So she deploys her favorite weapon, always at the ready: Crocodile tears.
The Bachelor tries to talk her off the ledge (again) — “I’m here. It’s just the two of us, okay?” — and assures her that she deserves “all the love in the world.” He’s gone into full “protector” mode, like you are a broken little bird and I will nurse you back to emotional health — and it’s yucky, guys. But she LOVES it. “I know you’re good for me,” says Victoria. “And I want to be good for you.” You know what’s next, don’t you?
Of course she says yes. And of course Peter feels like they’ve totally “overcome” another obstacle in their relationship and everything’s totally fine. Victoria’s feeling it too — or says she is.
The morning after is all cuddles and smiles. “I feel like we’re in such a frigging good spot,” Peter whispers to Victoria, who answers by declaring her love for him. “He’s just my person,” she says. “I’m so hopeful.”
As for Peter? “I’m torn three ways right now,” he sighs. “I have no idea how I’m going to do this.”
Once again, the other two “ladies” are positioned in the living room when Victoria F. returns from her date. Madison looks grim as Victoria talks about her “productive” night with Peter (more like re-productive — ba-dum-bum!), and soon after, she quietly walks out of the room.
Get it together, toots — you’re up next! (Of course they made her go last! Another stroke of evil genius.) Their date takes place at the SkyPoint, known as “Australia’s highest external building climb.” Compounding the many indignities Madison has suffered this week, she has to wear a drab blue jumpsuit wrapped in a black safety harness. It’s not bungee jumping, but producers still manage to get Peter and Madison to say a lot of dumb “love is like a leap of faith” stuff, including, “I know everything worthwhile is uphill” and “once you get to the top and you see that view, it’s all worth it.”
Apparently so, because once they’re at the top, Madison tells us she “just realized” she’s in love with Peter.
Now that Madison is out of the room, Hannah Ann can’t wait to give Victoria F. all the tea: Not only has Madison not told Peter yet that she’s saving herself for marriage, she also wants him to save himself for her! “That doesn’t really sit well with me,” grumbles Victoria F. “That’s so annoying.”
I bet Peter will agree. Let’s rejoin Madison’s dinner with the Bachelor, already in progress.
“The day that I say ‘I do’ to the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with is the day that he’s getting all of me — body, soul, and spirit,” explains Madison. Though she certainly isn’t going to kick Peter to the curb for not making the same life choices, she does want him to know this: “I wouldn’t be able to say yes to an engagement… if you have slept with the other women.” On the one hand, I get it — she wants a fiancé who has not had sex with someone else for at least, I don’t know, a year? Six months? But certainly a longer period of time than a few days.
On the other hand: YOU ARE ON THE BACHELOR!
Pilot Pete is stunned. “Just to be very clear… you would want to possibly give up a forever with each other because of something that happened this week with another relationship of mine?” Short answer: Yes. Madison says she’s done plenty of compromising on this “journey” — she’s dealt with him kissing other women, for instance — but this is the one thing where she can’t bend her own rules. So as Madison said earlier this episode, Peter, the ball’s in your court. Are you going to tell her the truth and risk losing her, or will you refuse to kiss and tell — and also risk losing her? What’s it gonna be?
And it gets worse. Peter can see them together at the end, but “coming into this week, I could see that with other people, too.” Translated from Bachelor-ese to English, I think that means, “I’m not sure I’m going to pick you.” Now it is Madison’s turn to be stunned.
“Will you just, like, excuse me for a second?” says Madison, before walking outside to process and cry. “I feel really, really hurt and really let down,” she tells us. “I made it very clear that there was a chance that he could lose me if he made certain decisions, and he made them anyway.”
Again, you are on The Bachelor! And you are free to leave at any time! But hey, who among us hasn’t held a partner to unrealistically high standards at one point in our lives? Peter comes outside to comfort Madison and beg her to stay. “I can’t lose you,” he says through tears. “Don’t walk away. Don’t… I know that I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry for that. Please don’t walk away from this.”
But she does walk away — though it’s not at all clear if it’s for good, or if she just wants some time alone. Wherever she went, it must not have a clock, because in the preview for next week…
Yep, no rose ceremony tonight. And we’ll also have to wait until next week to find out whether Maddie will put her feelings for Peter ahead of her principles (or at least let them exist side-by-side).
Can you believe we only have two weeks left, rose lovers? Before you go, I definitely need to hear your thoughts on this whole Madison situation: Is she being unreasonable or true to herself (or both)? Is there any way Victoria makes it another week now that Peter was finally able to scratch that itch (so to speak)? And how great is it that they’re now just incorporating bloopers into the show?
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC
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