We’ve reached peak pageant drama, rose lovers! The Caelynn vs. Hannah drama is intense from the jump this week, starting when Chris Harrison accidentally (ha ha, winky-face emoji) calls Hannah B. by her arch-rival’s name.
“First of all, my name’s Hannah,” she drawls, her face reddening with rage. She goes on to inform the host and the assembled “ladies” that “there were things said about me that should never have been said about me… and it just wasn’t fun.” Caelynn, meanwhile, forcefully holds her face in a neutral position, though she assures producers that she’s “moved on” and is ready to “put these weird things in the past.”
Oh gurl, please. Instead, stuff all that simmering resentment and rage in your carry-on bag, because it’s time to head to the far-off land known as… Singapore! Could someone please get Hannah G. a map?
There you go, hon.
Knock knock knock! The Accent Table of Doom is at the door, “ladies!” The first one-on-one date in Singapore goes to… Tayshia! Looks like I’m not the only one who’s a wee bit surprised.
Buck up, toots. Your moment will come. And honestly, all of the other women should be happy they weren’t picked for this date because the activity is a one-way ticket to full-body paralysis, a.k.a. bungee jumping! “Oh my God, I think I’m gonna die,” Tayshia cry-laughs, and Colton admits he’s “really, really freaking out too.” But our Bachelor is nothing if not a gentleman, and so he agrees to go first.
“He sounded like a little girl!” wails Tayshia, more afraid than ever. Somehow, though, she musters up the courage to jump — which is something I could never do in 3 bazillion years, so props to them both. In case you weren’t aware, rose lovers, couples who overcome their fears together stay together… for a few hours, at least. Now strip down to your swimmies and make out in the ocean, you crazy kids.
At the Time to Open Up Dinner™, Tayshia has a bomb ready to drop on Colton, as expected: Sometime in the past 18 months, she married and divorced her first boyfriend. “It’s, like, the toughest thing I’ve gone through,” she says. The Bachelor takes the news in stride — after all, he’s a 26-year-old virgin, she’s a 28-year-old divorcee, potato, po-tah-to. Give her that date rose, Colton!
The group date is a big one: Hannah G., Elyse, Kirpa, Sydney, Heather, Onyeka, Tracy, Nicole, Demi, Courtney, Katie, Cassie, and Hannah B. For those of you playing along, this means Caelynn’s getting the second one-on-one, a fact that doesn’t sit well with Hannah B. or Demi. “I don’t know you Caelynn,” says Demi, “but it is frustrating to see even more time of his going to this whole situation, [rather] than somebody who hasn’t been involved in that.”
“Okay,” shrugs Caelynn, annoyed. “Your opinion in your opinion… I’ve moved on.”
“But Colton, I feel like, hasn’t,” Demi shoots back, as Miss North Carolina rolls her eyes. (Next: The group date sucks)