January 22, 2018 at 10:01 PM EST

The Bachelor

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Arie Luyendyk Jr, Nick Viall, Ben Higgins, Chris Soules, Juan Pablo Galavis
Mike Fleiss

The final portion of the date involves the women being divided into three teams and handed a map and supplies to get to “the oasis.” Arie joins the blue team, where he proceeds to help women STEP OVER A LOG, and I’ve never been so embarrassed to be a woman.

At the end of the road is a hot tub that transports Arie back in time to high school, where putting his arm around Krystal means all the other women are going to get upset until he sits in the middle of the group. And guess what? Krystal is REALLY hurt by all of this. Now she just has to figure out what she’s going to say to Arie about it. She doesn’t have a plan at this point, but as she puts it, “Whatever I do, I have a feeling it’s going to be perfect.”

During the evening part of the date, Arie steals Lauren away for a “surprise” that I think is just a fire? How is that a surprise? She asks what Arie is looking for in a woman, and his list goes like this:

  1. She has to have a flexible schedule. (Why is this No. 1?!)
  2. She has to be independent because basically, he thinks equality is cool.

As for Lauren, she too likes equality because we’ve got ourselves a pair of dreamers here, guys. And then she just wants someone who will make dirty jokes with her. Combine it all and you’ve got a surefire formula for success!

Next up, Kendall tells Arie about Ping, the taxidermied duckling that she brings everywhere with her because she’s leaning hard into this being the thing that defines her.

As for Krystal, she’s busy telling the women that she felt super challenged today because all of her other dates have been so much more intimate. “He’s one person and we’re 12,” she says, showing us the extent of her mathematical abilities. She and Marikh then get into some kind of argument about how certain personalities are showing and none of it makes any sense and also, I don’t care.

Sitting down with Arie, Krystal tells him all about her glass case of emotions. She really wishes she wouldn’t have had a one-on-one so early because now she has a target on her back and feels so ostracized. She works up a couple tears and tells Arie that she really tries to come from a place of love, only pausing to check that the camera is getting every word. Once she gets confirmation, she turns the emotion up a notch and wonders why people are so quick to judge her.

When Tia’s about to interrupt, she asks Arie to ask for another minute and I could not be more #TeamTia in this situation.

Once she’s away from Arie, Krystal’s tears dry up REAL QUICK. She quickly replaces them with her superiority and tells the interviewer, “I’m so above this.” She then pulls Tia and Caroline aside to tell them that she felt hurt today when they were mimicking her and Arie in the hot tub earlier, but Tia is having NONE of it. “Please don’t play the victim,” Tia tells her before asking if Krystal talked to Arie about her. And when Krystal says yes, Tia walks away to find Arie.

With Arie, Tia admits that she’s scared that he could have feelings for others, so he tries to reassure her. Meanwhile, all I ask is that he stop moaning when he kisses people.

At the end of the night, the rose goes to Tia, yet another challenge that Krystal will have to overcome. This one falls right behind her greatest challenge in life: shining bright without intimidating others. (Next: Baby Bekah)

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