ABC
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January 22, 2018 at 10:01 PM EST

The Bachelor

type
TV Show
genre
Reality TV
run date
03/25/02
performer
Arie Luyendyk Jr, Nick Viall, Ben Higgins, Chris Soules, Juan Pablo Galavis
Producer
Mike Fleiss
broadcaster
ABC
seasons
22

Who’s feeling 22? BEKAH, THAT’S WHO. After weeks of mystery, the woman-child finally revealed her age, and — spoiler alert! — she’s not old enough to rent a car! There’s also a decent chance she’s still in college? Anyway, we’ll get to that. But first, the women have to join Arie in Lake Tahoe because we’ve officially reached the traveling part of the season, which so far is just as interesting as the rest of the season has been, which is to say: not very.

Arie is the first on the scene in Lake Tahoe, where he declares that it’s SUCH a contrast from Los Angeles because of its clear blue skies. Because it’s not like Los Angeles has clear blue skies literally every day of the year or anything.

By the time the women arrive, Kendall declares that this is her time to shine based on all the taxidermy at their hotel. As far as she’s concerned, stuffed dead animals make the perfect setting for love. (And suddenly, I’m horrified of what her wedding is going to look like.)

And yet, the first one-on-one date of the week goes to Seinne, who gets to go parasailing with Arie, which she says “feels like flying.” Hmmm, I wonder why. Seinne and Arie then sit down by the water for some riveting conversation. Here’s just a snippet…

Seinne: “I love the sound of water crashing.”
Arie: “That’s so awesome.”

Isn’t it?!

After they discuss Arie’s younger brother getting married and how Seinne is such a good kisser, we cut back to the hotel, where Maquel decides to leave after finding out that her grandpa died. Meanwhile, I’m still not sure which one was Maquel.

That evening, Seinne announces that she’s afraid of disappointment, and I feel like someone really should’ve warned her not to come on this show. She tells Arie that her parents didn’t have the best marriage, which taught her that love is hard. Add on that society hasn’t often shown her love stories with black women, and you have all the reasons she’s guarded.

Arie then grabs the date rose and tells her that this could be her chance to get that love story. Sadly, however, that love story starts with a country concert, where Seinne is forced to dance on a platform in front of a bunch of strangers with a man who doesn’t even know how to dip her. He did it the wrong direction! Seinne, I’m thinking you should find yourself a better love story.

The next day is group date time, so Chelsea, Krystal, Becca, Marikh, Ashley, Jacqueline, Jenna, Tia, Kendall, Lauren, Brittany, and Caroline head out into the wilderness for a hike. There, they meet up with a retired green beret combat commander and his wife to learn survival skills that none of these women will ever use (except for Kendall, who will choose to use them even though she’ll never need them. In other words, she’ll be eating worms while sitting on her couch in her luxury apartment).

First up is how to drink your own pee because if this show knows anything, it’s romance. Thankfully, it’s all a joke and Arie just ends up drinking apple juice, though Jacqueline is so ready to show him what she’ll do for love that he has to physically stop her before she drinks urine out of a thermos. And apparently we’re all going to act like that’s a totally normal thing to do to impress a guy.

Then the women move on to eating bugs, which Kendall calls “Tuesday.” Together, she, Arie, and Tia eat some worms while Krystal stands off to the side with her high pony and large scarf declaring that this date is not on her level. To clarify, IT’S BELOW HER. At this point, Krystal is essentially a Who from Whoville with her nose turned up, and she is not happy when Kendall gets a kiss from her man. (Next: Krystal vs. Tia and Caroline)

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