Later they come together for a waterside dinner, where Emily shares her go-to funny first date story about being matched with her brother by an online dating site. Ultimately, Ben gives her the rose in large part, it seems, because his dad taught him that you should always date a woman who’s smarter than you are. The Bachelor offers an obligatory “I very well might be able to spend the rest of my life with her,” but I’m not buying it.
Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It’s time for the group date! Get in the (promotional consideration provided by) Hondas, “ladies,” because Ben is taking you skiing. Yes, Team Bachelor has packed a steep San Francisco street with man-made snow just so the women can strip down to their bikinis now, rather than waiting hours for the post-date cocktail party. Residents and passersby camp out along the sidewalks to watch the 10 scantily-clad women slide unsteadily down the hill. Despite wiping out repeatedly and skiing down the hill backwards with her barely-covered ass in the air, Kacie B. somehow manages to maintain her cheery spirit.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, the date card arrives (Brittney!) along with a Neil Lane jewelry box. Inside? A garish “key to the city” necklace, which Brittney dutifully puts on. “Wow, that’s awesome,” she says flatly. As Lindzi glowers, Emily helpfully informs Brittney that she and Ben will “get along great” and that she’ll have “a fun time” on the date. Timidly, Brittney wonders aloud, “What if I don’t?” [screeching sound of needle being pulled off a record] Wait a minute — what just happened? Did Brittney just suggest that the Bachelor may not be someone that she should and must spend the rest of her life with? “Something just doesn’t feel right to me,” she admits. “I should be thrilled and excited, and I’m not.” That’s right, Brittney — something’s not right. Get out now, before you end up like this. And that’s just what she does, interrupting Ben’s après-ski drinks with his ski bunnies. “I really think you’re going to find a great woman here,” Brittney tells him, tearfully. “It’s just not me.” Though he’s clearly rattled, Ben shakes it off and gives Rachel the group date rose.
So who gets Brittney’s one-on-one? Miss First Impression herself, Lindzi, who is determined not to let it bother her that she is Ben’s consolation prize. First up, a trolley ride to Swensen’s for ice cream (arrrgh why don’t I have any ice cream in the house??), then a detour through Chinatown (“Where are we now?” Lindzi asks cluelessly), and for their final stop, City Hall. They enter the grand rotunda, which is dimly lit and empty… except for a musician named Matt Nathanson. (No, I’d never heard of him either, but he does have a wry sense of humor.) After a few rounds of tonsil hockey, the couple retires to an old-fashioned speakeasy, where Lindzi shares her go-to funny/sad first date story (“Babe, welcome to Dumpsville, population YOU”). Ben, having been the victim of a humiliating breakup himself, feels her pain… and Lindzi gets the rose. That would have been a good spot to end the night, but Ben just can’t stop himself from turning the cheese factor up to 11: He takes Lindzi to an empty piano store and serenades her with “This Year’s Love.” And she LOVES it.
NEXT: “Who IS she???”