The Bachelor
4. Season 5 (Jesse Palmer)

The road to the final four was supposed to be paved with “the most shocking confrontation in Bachelor history” and the “the most dramatic rose ceremony yet.” Naturally, it wasn’t. I’ll admit that when I realized that either Amanda or Robin would get the boot along with Marshana, I found myself saying “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.” (I may have been a little tipsy.) But that’s because I expected Robin (pictured, with Matt) to get the rose, and I didn’t want to see Amanda go. When Amanda’s name was called instead, I thought for sure Robin would ask Matt to walk her outside so she could say, “What the hell?” But she didn’t. She gave him the evil eye and said, “Bon soir.” What?! On the one hand, I respect her decision to not give a man who doesn’t want her anymore of her time. But Matt all but told her that she was a lock for a rose, that’s why he didn’t need to have a one-on-one date with her and why he was asking her about Michigan, so it’d be nice to know what changed his mind. (Maybe he, too, thought it was weird the way that she just slipped into the spot where Shayne had been laying with him in the snow in Sun Valley? Or maybe it was her intensity?) I guess we’ll just have to tune in to the tell all, won’t we? Damn it.

As for the confrontation between Marshana and Chelsea — it was the loudest in Bachelor history. Maybe. Chelsea said Marshana acted like she didn’t want to be there; Marshana said obviously, she did. Had she not played rugby for the man and taken an elbow to the face? Had she not let him toss her in the snow (after he chased her) and put skis on her for the first time? Had she not gotten into a swimming pool? Yes, you did, Marshana. But you’re keeping score (“I have risen to every occasion, taken everything he’s thrown at me. I’ve done really well…”), which doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying yourself. Just because you go on a show to meet a man, doesn’t mean you have to dig him.

After the jump, Shayne’s packin’ and Chelsea needs to be mackin’.

As of now, I’m not sure which of the remaining four — Chelsea,Shayne, Amanda, and Noelle — Matt will choose. His one-on-one sleigh ridewith Chelsea in Sun Valley wasn’t the romantic outing he’d hoped forbecause she’s anti-PDA (which we know he is decidedly not) and has aphobia of holding hands. But she made a brilliant move at dinner, afterMatt told her that his parents would love her (ahhh!), and wrote her own “fantasy suite” card that essentially invitedherself back to Matt’s place. It took her a little too long to figureout that Matt saying, “I know that you can be romantic,” was her cue tokiss him. More surprising, however, is that I’m actually going to type this sentence: Kudosto the producers for giving them privacy so that Chelsea could beherself.

On to Shayne, the queen of cuddling, who impressed Matt on the groupdate with her snowboarding skills and her ability to pack half hermakeup bag into the pockets of her jacket. “I have to look good foryou, babe,” she said. (Cannot wait to see Matt meet her dad, LorenzoLamas, next week!) Meanwhile, Amanda wooed Matt with her bikini and ajoke about her “redneck” parents cooking him possum. That teaser clip that we saw ofher hometown visit — you know, the one in which her mother was rubbingMatt’s nipple — is also a joke, right? Amanda told her mother to pretendto hit on Matt… Right?

That leaves us with Noelle, who got her first real alone time withMatt on an outdoor ice rink. I understand what Matt means when he says hejust really likes her. She seems warm and genuine, the kind ofperson with whom you could be comfortable sitting in silence becauseshe’d be too nice to ever make you feel awkward. She and Matt both have scarson their faces (which I never noticed), and he admires that she hasn’tallowed her car accident to make her afraid of living. That’s somethingreal that he’s learned about someone. Shocking!

So, who do you think Matt is going to choose? What’s your theoryon Robin’s demise? And did you catch Matt ask Noelle if she’d be willing to move to London or California? (And did you roll your eyes like I did? It’s not that I don’t like Los Angeles; It’s that I thought Matt was above the reality-star-moves-to-Hollywood cliché.)

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