Megan is ready for lovemaking.
Last week, our girl Megan Morrison had a LOT going on: She dumped her boyfriend, she booked a big movie role… oh, and she signed a $10 million marriage contract with Kyle West. What a roller coaster! But this week, her drive is clear and simple: Megan is horny!
She’s clearly enjoying her new life as the future Mrs. Kyle West. We know this because we see her smiling in Kyle’s shower in between aspirational close-ups of the fancy faucets. This house is luxe AF! Megan steps out of the shower, ready for some lovemaking with her fiancé, but she’s interrupted by his assistant Ben. Ben keeps showing up right when Megan’s feeling frisky; he’s a real boner killer, but he’s also great at managing the details for her upcoming jaunt to the Venice Film Festival for Kyle’s big premiere of the priest/war movie AWOL.
David Miscavige Terence Anderson is supposed to skip Venice to stay home and work on his new book for Scientology The Institute of the Higher Mind (IHM). He’s sending his wife Shelly Miscavige Deann (also Kyle’s producing partner) along in his place. But when Deann stops by his office to discuss the trip, the dialogue that ensues is downright puzzling. Do yourself a favor: grab your favorite scene partner and read this one out loud for a fun segment of The Arrangement theatre.
DEANN: “I see you’ve made plans to join us in Venice.”
TERENCE: “That’s because I couldn’t bear the thought of being here without you.”
DEANN: “Hmm, I imagine that must be very hard for you.”
TERENCE (pressed against her): “It’s getting hard for you actually.” (Why is everyone so horny this week?!)
DEANN: “You’re mirroring me.”
TERENCE: “Does it feel as false for you as it does for me?”
I had to re-watch this doozy five times before I realized that Deann is saying “You’re mirroring me” (apparently an IHM mind-control technique) even though it definitely sounds like she’s saying “You’re marrying me,” which would be a real curve ball. (Wha? They’re not married? He says it feels false? Do they have an Arrangement too?! I don’t know what’s real anymore!) I blame this confusion on Lexa Doig’s Canadian accent (the show is filmed in Vancouver, and not to brag, but I have a Canadian boyfriend, so I consider myself an expert on detecting Canadian accents. My boyfriend disagrees). Moving on!
Back at Megan’s place, her friend Hope and her other friend (whose name I cannot for the life of me figure out) squeal as Megan shows off the fancy dresses she’ll be wearing in Venice, thanks to Kyle’s IHM-sponsored stylist. (Apparently Megan still has her place and her friends! I’m sure that’ll all be changing soon.) But their fun makeover montage is interrupted by Megan’s ex-boyfriend Nic (the scruffy rocker dude who cheated on her last week). Nic just heard about this Kyle West thing, and he’s pissed!
Megan and Nic step outside to scream at each other. (Imagine walking your dog in the early aughts and spotting Katie Holmes and Chris Klein in a front-lawn fight. Simpler times! But honestly I’d love to see them back together.) Nic reminds us that Megan has a shady secret from her past that’s sure to come back and bite her: “Kyle West is a movie star! He’s just looking for some nobody-hot-actress to keep him warm for a week. And he’s gonna be real bummed when he finds out you can’t even do that!” (No one has ever sounded more Canadian than this guy saying this line. Ever. My Canadian boyfriend agrees.)
Just as Kyle, Megan and Deann are leaving for Venice, Terence gives Megan a warning: Nicole Kidman Lisbeth Graves is gonna be there, and it’s gonna be awkward, and she needs to watch what she does with her face with all those photographers around! That means no sad faces and no angry faces. “Be mindful,” he warns her gravely. “Bye bitch,” she basically replies.