Teen Wolf recap: Status Asthmaticus
This season of Teen Wolf has been full of ups and downs, new creatures, Doctors who mumble, and more disturbing images than I could’ve been prepared for. Yet, I really enjoyed this finale. Although there are still a lot of balls in the air—potentially too many—there are still just enough exciting twists to keep me invested (and hoping things don’t turn into a complete hot mess). I mean, Parrish is a Hellhound?! Maybe it’s the Supernatural fan in me, but I’m so into it.
Let’s recap, shall we?
We pick up right where we left off last week, with Scott refusing to give Hayden the bite. But it’s not because he doesn’t want to save her life. It’s because he does, and at this point, Scott thinks she’s too weak to survive the bite.
But that doesn’t make Liam happy, and an angry Liam quickly sends Scott into a panic asthma attack. Luckily, Theo just so happens to have an inhaler on hand, which Scott doesn’t find even remotely mysterious. Yeah, this true alpha is off his game.
We then cut to Stiles, whose life is falling apart about as quickly as his beloved Jeep. When the Jeep’s engine overheats, Stiles goes to fix it—with a toolbox full of nothing but wrenches?—but loses his cool at the first sight of a wrench. Chucking the toolbox, Stiles then goes into his passenger seat, grabs the blood-soaked wrench he used to fight off Donovan and does the unthinkable: He throws it at the Jeep, shattering the windshield. Wow, Stiles.
Meanwhile, at the police station, we’re hearing reports of a man/animal running around town, causing Clark to total her car, and then absolutely wrecking the high school. Seriously, you don’t mess with the high school, chimera. That’s where 80 percent of this show takes place.
At this point, all we know is that it’s nearly time for the supermoon and the Doctors claim that their success is “imminent” with whatever it was that just wrecked the school.
At the animal clinic, Melissa arrives to try some chelation therapy on Hayden, which is supposed to remove heavy metals from blood. Long story short: The supermoon is already affecting Liam, who’s losing his mind over trying to save Hayden. Scott, however, has pretty much given up hope on everything and everyone, except for Theo, who agrees to talk to Scott’s pack on his behalf. So this should go well.
Back at the police station, Stilinski finds an envelope on his desk. In it, there’s a note from Melissa attached to Stiles’ library card. Apparently, the hospital maintenance staff is extremely meticulous and wouldn’t dare throw away something as valuable as a high school library card. Oh sure, the hospital maintenance staff is the one group of people in this town that is good at their jobs.
Also at the police station, Lydia is sitting and sort of holding hands with Parrish as they try to figure out if he’s some kind of banshee. But when Parrish mentions the one time Lydia ever scared him—in the season 5 premiere when Dream-Lydia tried to save him after that wolf-with-talons nearly killed him—Lydia remembers the story Kira told her about the storm that night and the Wild Hunt. So she’s all BRB Parrish, gotta take a quick trip to the school library with a freakish amount of information on supernatural events.
So as Lydia leaves the police station, Stiles makes his way there. Malia gives him a ride after what might be the most heartbreaking scene of the year: Stiles watching his Jeep get towed away. Seriously, I was way too emotional in this moment.
And speaking of things that aren’t great for Stiles, there’s the fact that Stiles is going to the police station to talk to his dad about Donovan, which—twist!—Malia knows about. Apparently, she saw the bite mark on Stiles’ shoulder and put things together, but she didn’t say anything because she’s a werecoyote and killing people is so not a big deal to her. But it’s a big deal for Stiles. *Cue dramatic pause which highlights the unspoken problems in their relationship*
Once Stiles gets to the police station, things start heating up—literally. As Parrish wakes up all sweaty and orange-eyed, Lydia finds a book that reveals details about the Wild Hunt. It’s a myth of devilish riders in the sky accompanied by black dogs, “special beasts whose eyes glowed with fire.” Fun fact: They’re bearers of death and guardians of the supernatural. Another fun fact: They’re also known by their more common name: The Hellhound!
With that little announcement, Parrish is up, breaking himself out of jail, and exiting the precinct rather cool—er, hot—calm and collected.
NEXT: A lot of people come back from the dead
Back at the library, Lydia gets one of her feelings, realizes that someone is going to die in what has to be the world’s most dangerous library, and then gets knocked out by Theo. Yep, this wolf is breaking bad.
From Lydia to Malia, Theo finds Malia in her coyote den. Only, he shows up in full coyote form. Another twist: He’s a chimera and he’s part coyote! Also, he’s totally down to help Malia kill her mother (and not at all shy about full frontal nudity).
Ever the busy body, Theo then leaves Malia to think about his offer—to be her alpha, essentially—while he throws away some mysterious key that must go to the room currently holding a new chimera at the hospital. He then heads to the school, where he traps Scott in the library using mountain ash.
And when Scott questions how Theo can touch mountain ash, he reveals himself to be the Doctors first ever chimera. He then goes on to talk about how being a chimera is basically the best because it means you’re an “unrealizable dream” and whatnot. (Ego much?) And once he’s done with that, he leaves Scott to enjoy the supermoon.
Trying to escape, Scott runs up to the roof, but every time he tries to break through the mountain ash, he has an asthma attack. Oh hey, remember when Theo gave you that inhaler? Yep, it’s full of wolf’s bane. So not only is Scott weak, but now, Liam is here, and the supermoon has literally multiplied his muscles. Real talk: His shoulders have never been that wide. In other words, the supermoon is like steroids for werewolves.
As to how Liam somehow got inside the ring of mountain ash, I have no idea. But Hayden has been transported to the hospital, and she’s only getting worse. So while Melissa sends Mason to get Liam if he wants to say goodbye to Hayden, Liam busies himself by beating the crap out of his alpha.
Weakened by the wolf’s bane—and also trying to be a good alpha—Scott doesn’t wolf out until he has to, telling Liam that he’s nothing but a pawn in Theo’s game. And yet, teenage hormones are a thing of beauty, and Liam couldn’t care less. All he wants is to kill Scott … and he probably would’ve if Mason—a highly ballsy human—hadn’t interrupted to tell his buddy that Hayden is dead.
Also at the hospital, Malia arrives to find a brand new chimera chowing down on some bone marrow. Naturally, she tries to kill it, but when it turns out to be a match for her, Braeden shows up to save the day! Yep, Braeden is back, and she informs Malia that the Desert Wolf knows of her plan and is on her way to Beacon Hills. #FamilyReunion2016
Elsewhere, Stiles is hot on Parrish’s tail when he calls Theo for a ride. But instead of a ride, Stiles is treated to story time: After finding his son’s library card, Stilinski went looking for Stiles. But when he found Theo, well, bad things happened. The moral of the story? Theo is evil, Stiles. You really should’ve trusted your gut, like, 9 episodes ago.
As Theo reveals, he came to town looking for Scott’s pack—only he doesn’t want Scott to be in it. He wants the werecoyote whose first instinct is to kill, the banshee, the dark kitsune, the beta with anger issues, and even Void Stiles. And in a very Dark Knight-esque twist, Theo tells Stiles that he’ll tell him where his dad is if he promises not to help Scott. In other words, you can only save one of them.
At this point, Stiles gives Theo a much deserved punch to the face, and nobody loves it more than Theo—this is the Void Stiles he came to town for. So who will it be Stiles? Scott or your dad?
Spoiler: He chooses his dad, leaving Liam to nearly kill Scott before he runs—in slow-mo, naturally—to hold his dead beloved (at least until Parrish shows up to fully kill the moment and take Hayden from Liam’s arms).
As for Scott, Theo shows up to finish the job.
By the time Melissa arrives at the school, Scott has been without a pulse for more than 15 minutes, but she’s not giving up on her son. Performing chest compressions, Melissa yells at her son to “roar” like he’s freaking Katy Perry. And you know what? After a good hard thump on the chest, roar he does!
Also, how close is the hospital to the school?
Meanwhile, Lydia wakes up in the Doctors’ Lair, and we finally learn what happened to put her in Eichen house—Theo decides to try that old “claws in the back of the neck” trick on Lydia, and it doesn’t go as planned. Well, it does for him because he finds the location of the Nemeton, but Lydia immediately loses all life behind her eyes.
Grabbing the green ooze from the Doctors’ tank, Theo takes Lydia out to the Nemeton to show her a cool trick: If he injects just a little bit of this stuff into the dead chimeras, they come back to life! That means Tracy, Corey, Donovan, and Hayden are all up and on Theo’s pack. As for Lydia, well, she’s still lying on the forest floor.
In the finale’s final moments, Melissa gives her son a pep talk about how he can get his pack back together if he just gives them hope. But that’s easier said than done, especially considering that across town, the Doctors are breaking through a wall to reveal the “success” they’ve been looking for: What appears to be an image of two Hellhounds fighting? Maybe?
Thoughts/questions/theories: Well, I asked a lot of them when I spoke to showrunner Jeff Davis. Check out his answers here.
As for me, I will see you all next season. Until then, feel free to send me any/all GIFs of shirtless Parrish.