Survivor recap: Nudes Flash!
After Ozzy showers with the topless Amanda and Ami, his tribemates start to think he's too dominant; plus, Kathy gives up and goes home
”I just look over and there’s, like, a couple pair of boobs and Ozzy’s head, smack-dab in the middle.” — Cirie
As if Ozzy weren’t the ultimate Survivor pimp already — winning challenges, catching fish, ordering teammates to Exile Island — now he’s showering with a half-naked Amanda and Ami. The saddest part of all of this (yes, even sadder than Ozzy’s ’80s-new-wave-band haircut) is that the dude probably didn’t even appreciate it. This is old hat for Ozzy! The guy already had sex with two women on a Playboy Channel show called Foursome, so he was probably all, like, whatever, when his two well-endowed tribemates decided to drop the tops.
But it is Ozzy’s position as the Pimp of Malakal that almost got him into some hot water, and not of the showering variety. Cirie (upset about their little fishing expedition) started working on Amanda about Ozzy’s ego, leading the topless wonder to call her island boyfriend ”kinda arrogant.” Whether she believes that or not is debatable, but it opened up some strategic possibilities, one of which would have been positively delicious. Sensing that Ozzy was getting too close to his infatuated Padawan learner Erik, Cirie, Amanda, and Ami discussed voting Erik out instead of Tracy, to put theSurvivor Jedi Master in his place. But then Ami came up with another plan. Her idea was to let Ozzy vote for Tracy, let Cirie and Amanda vote for Erik, and then for her, Tracy and Erik to all vote Ozzy off the island. It was a great plan that would have thrown everything and everyone for a loop and appeared to have a good shot of coming together. Until, of course, we saw Tracy wink as Ami went up to cast her vote at tribal council, a wink producers never would have shown had the plan truly been set in motion. (Some misdirections are so blatantly obvious, they end up directing you to exactly what is about to take place.)
It’s too bad it didn’t pan out. Not that I don’t like Ozzy. I do. The guy was born to do Survivor, almost as born as he was to do porn. But I like good strategic game play even more. Plus, from what I saw, Tracy — like Penner — was a total gamer. Her swaying of Joel was masterful, and she fought, kicked, and clawed until the very last second. Never in a classless, disrespectful way, mind you. She just examined what tools she had at her disposal and used them. I’ll miss her in this game. A lot more than I’ll miss Kathy.
Okay, let me state this as clearly as possible: Kathy is a loon. I don’t mean that as a dis, and I actually don’t think she would take it as one. She’s just loony, that’s all. She’s hyperactive, scattered, and highly emotional. Her breakdown on the island does not surprise me one bit. She practically had the word IMPLOSION tattooed on her face, which, all things considered, would be no more ridiculous than having a giant ticket stub permanently etched on your back. The woman was all over the map in my interview with her. The closest comparison I could make would be to Wanda, the singing castaway from Palau. Just…well, loony.
When you’re as emotionally volatile as Kathy is, you’re bound to blow after sleeping in the rain with no food for a few weeks. We’ve seen this time and time again on Survivor: people’s emotions getting amplified out of control. If you can’t keep them in check, then your body checks out, and that’s what happened to Kathy. All of a sudden, she’s talking about being attacked by ”skeeters,” complaining about eating raw clams, begging James for hugs (although what woman wouldn’t, I suppose), trying to make like the genie in Aladdin and wishing herself home, and then, finally, calling it quits. Well, score one for Probst, who told me before the game that he didn’t think she should be there to begin with. Probst is looking pretty good right about now. He didn’t want Fairplay, who quit after three days, and he thought Kathy was a bad casting choice as well, and she couldn’t take it either. Hmmm, maybe this host guy knows something after all?
We’ve now had three people (Fairplay, Chet, and Kathy) quit on us. This has become a serious problem for the show. Obviously, there is only so much the producers can do to guard against it, but honestly, they (and CBS, which has a heavy hand in casting) should have seen this coming from Kathy. After all, it’s tattooed right on her face!
NEXT: A puzzling development
A few other odds and ends from this latest episode:
· I still don’t really get what the hell Cirie is upset about with Ozzy asking her to help paddle out for fishing. If you’re afraid of water, that’s your bad, not his. Although she should be commended for at least keeping her top on, which doesn’t seem so easy for the other ladies of Malakal.
· Wow, people really don’t seem to like Jason. Obviously, he and Chet didn’t get along. When we spoke with Penner on Survivor Talk, he kept referring to him as ”Squirrel Boy,” which doesn’t sound too affectionate, and this week you had James telling him, ”Shut up and listen,” during the reward challenge. James is the last person I want telling me to shut up and listen because him telling me to shut and listen could quite possibly be immediately followed by his fist in my face. And that would break my face. I have enough problems without a broken face. And let’s just be honest here, no one wants to put a broken face smack-dab in the middle of a pair of boobs, which means I, unlike Erik and Squirrel Boy, would have to end my quest to become the next Ozzy.
· I am getting really, really sick of puzzles. I get why they are there in the challenges. Everything can’t be all about strength or swimming ability, and by adding another dimension, you can have one tribe more easily come from behind to win (as happened in the immunity challenge). But it feels that instead of being smack-dab in the middle of a pair of boobs, we are smack-dab in the middle of a brand-new never ending musical festival I like to call…Puzzlepalooza! All puzzles, all the time! Puzzles are inherently not all that exciting to watch, especially the ones where it is difficult to track who is really in the lead, who’s catching up, etc. Again, I appreciate that they are there to level the playing field, but sometimes if you level the playing field too much, the game is no longer worth watching.
· For a personal trainer, Natalie sure does sit out a lot of challenges.
· I’ve never seen someone talk more about making big moves, and then not actually make any of them, than Ami. She’s constantly thinking about numbers and her place in the tribe, which I like. But will she ever do anything about it?
· That shot that Erik takes in the chest in the promo for next week’s challenge hurt to watch — all 14 times I replayed it.
What do you think? Should Ami, Tracy, and Erik have joined forces to take out Ozzy? Are the challenges getting too puzzle heavy? And can anyone vouch for Herbal Essence shampoo? Plus, if you have a question for Tracy or Kathy, post it here and we’ll try to ask it on Survivor Talk. Speaking of which, a little programming note: Because of the Wednesday-night double elimination, we’ll be posting two different Survivor Talk shows on different days. We’ll have a show with Tracy up on Friday, and one with Kathy up on Monday.
Okay, not unlike the wacky golf course vendor, I’m outta here. Your turn. Post away!
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