On ''Survivor,'' Moto continues to dominate, but the mean girls pointlessly antagonize their own tribemates over some coffee

By Dalton Ross
Updated March 12, 2007 at 04:00 AM EDT
Survivor Fiji: Monty Brinton

Survivor: Fiji

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”Survivor: Fiji”: A coffee clash

Now, I’m by no means what you would call a math genius, but last time I checked, 7 minus 2 equals 5. And 3 plus 2 equals 5. In the wonderful, wacky world of Survivor, that means that two people from the majority have flipped sides and created a 5 to 5 deadlock. If you are one of the people in the majority who did not flip, that means you could get screwed. I know that. You know that. But Lisi, Stacy, and Boo don’t. You had to feel for Alex, and I’m not talking about for being charged with resisting arrest recently. No, poor Alex was trying to explain to Lisi that acting like a world-class jerk to Dreamz and Cassandra might not be the hottest idea, since the two could flip sides and potentially send them packing. ”Cool, whatever” was Lisi’s response once Alex explained the numbers. It didn’t go much better with Stacy (who refused to include them ”in anything”) and Boo.

We talked about the stupidity of Moto last week when they decided to send someone packing instead of switching camps, and apparently that was just an appetizer. But it’s one thing to be dumb; it’s another to be just plain mean. What the hell was up with Stacy refusing to show Dreamz how to make coffee? Let the man have his caffeine, for crying out loud! As annoying as Stacy and Lisi were, at least we finally had some good ol’ fashioned drama over at Moto. Otherwise it was kinda more of the same: Ravu meets Moto at challenge. Ravu talks smack to Moto at challenge. Ravu gets collective ass kicked by Moto at challenge. The sumo reward challenge wasn’t even a challenge. I mean, did Moto look challenged in the least to you? It took Cassandra only three pushes to beat Rita — twice! (Two hits the first time, only one the second.)

Of course, maybe Rita was more concerned with her lip gloss. Ever since Jeri Manthey professed her love of chocolate back in Australia, we have been treated each season to a scene of guys rolling their eyes while women gab on about something frivolous — sweets, makeup, fashion. This has always struck me as odd because me and my male buddies talk about way more frivolous stuff than any women I know. Why, I could go on for an hour about lame Washington Redskins running backs of the 1990s. (Where art thou, Ricky Ervins and Reggie Brooks?)

Of course, I’ve only talked here about one challenge. There was also immunity at stake. I have to admit I was a little confused during this one, which seemed to be a big memory game. I mean, I saw Cassandra match up some 8s, and watched Lisi fall off her perch. But then I must have downed a few too many Milwaukee’s Bests, because the next thing I knew there were five people on the course at once! Either I was getting dizzy, or there was some sort of time-lapse-camera action going on, or, most likely, both. Eventually it all came down to Rocky, who only had to uncover the same number 9 panel that had just been uncovered approximately 15 seconds before. He couldn’t.

Rocky took the blame for the loss (or at least some of it), but it came down to either Anthony or Rita being sent home. Apparently Rocky finds the talk of lip gloss more egregious than Anthony’s crying, so he lobbied to send Rita home. It worked, which wasn’t too surprising considering Mookie’s plea of ”Someone for once tell me what they want to do and I’ll agree.”

Something we can all agree on is that this season of Survivor has lacked serious sparks. The good news is that the producers obviously realized this, which is why the promos for the next episode, on Wednesday, March 21, promise a tribal shake-up, even going so far as to show Rocky and Dreamz ending up on the same team. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. But it can’t get any worse. Can it?

What do you think? Will the tribal shake-up save Survivor: Fiji? Will Lisi and Stacy’s rudeness come back to haunt them? And is Rocky going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

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Survivor: Fiji

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